I am definitely spiraling right now. Maybe if I turn into the spiral I can regain control?
In the meantime, here is a pile of pretty rocks.
Thanks for helping me through this everyone.
Definitely spiraling
A Courageous Attempt
I am definitely spiraling right now. Maybe if I turn into the spiral I can regain control?
In the meantime, here is a pile of pretty rocks.
Thanks for helping me through this everyone.
Hang in there. Here’s a trick that someone taught me to deal with overwhelming thoughts or emotions:
(1) name the emotion (fear, anxiety, grief, whatever)
(2) identify very specifically what it feels like physically (not mentally or emotionally. Physical sensations ONLY). Go into detail.
(3) say it (out loud if possible). Like: “sorrow feels like my throat is closed off and tight. There’s a little disc of coldness inside my skull, just behind my eyes. The roof of my mouth feels hollow”. And so on and so on. Keep on monitoring your body to see if you can identify and catalog more physical sensations.
It might not work for you, but it’s been an absolute miracle for me.
Thanks. I’ll try that.
Just a thought because you’ve mentioned it’s affect on you before, but is there any chance your current feelings of despair and overwhelm are linked to where you’re at in your menstrual cycle right now?
Hang in there. ((Hugs)) You’re not alone, and I promise there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it yet. We will keep supporting you until you can see it, too!
It might be. It’s hard to tell because my cycle is so irregular these days. My RE did say I’d start menopause in my 40s so maybe this is perimenopause? That could be part of it.
Go for a walk. Breathe. The feeling will pass soon.
I walk every day. I do breathing exercises with my students before every class. I’ve felt this way (with varying degrees of intensity) for weeks (which is why I haven’t been writing much before this week – losing it doesn’t look good in a blog post, as you can see). I don’t think this feeling will pass soon.
Can you play video games to distract yourself? Obviously won’t work when you’re actively teaching. When I’m really agitated sometimes this helps me a lot. Give yourself permission to let some stuff slide. Also, maybe an rx for propranolol might help with the physical symptoms.
I love this idea. Join me in my Animal Crossing binge. It’s really been helping as I was also spiraling but this is a great distraction from real life.
Actually saying your truth in a post does have positive sides. A) you are not alone. You are not the only one spiraling. B) you got some clear and good advice on defensive tactics (MARY) C) Call your RE again! Urgently. D)You are getting concrete feedback people really do care about you.
I may not be seeing all replys you are getting but I am seeing tremendous support. This has been a really hard long year after 5 years of increasing tension and fears and worries and uncertainties. And then let’s add in the truth that you have normal and not easy children and that extends the years of stress and then back to pregnancy issues. You have over a decade of stress. That is a LOT even without the bedbug issues and being present at two schools and now the insanity of in school but on line instruction while your own children are doing school from home and the chaos you faced with vaccines….
Loved your picture of stacked stones. Keep taking photos. We are holding your hands as you hold ours.
Every one I know is finding this super difficult and wearing. If the current surge reduction continues the reduction in pressure will allow a lot of emotions and exhaustion to surface and that can also be tough hormonally, physically and emotionally as we have held ourselves braced for so long. Understand this is normal and IT WILL GET BETTER. It is sort of finishing a long hard desperate race while not knowing where the end is and what it looks like or how you will recover or where home will be.
I am so sorry. Vent away any time. Whatever helps you helps.
I don’t know you so I apologize if this is not helpful (you don’t want any suggestions just want to vent which is perfectly legitimate)!! BUT – you have posted several times how late you are working and I could not sustain that for even a couple of weeks. When my daughter was little and was one of those kids who NEVER slept some one told me “sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It’s ok to be majorly affected by it”. And I really needed to hear that. If you are getting dramatically less sleep than you need maybe you can really focus on that for a couple weeks and see if it helps.
My husband has also been incredibly risk averse during the pandemic so I say this knowing how hard it feels sometimes when you are struggling to balance your own needs with some one else’s fears. But if you desperately need a decent night of sleep and can’t get it at home, go to a hotel for a night and sleep 12 hours (I have a friend who has had to resort to this a few times) Either your husband can watch the kids or he can find some one who can. And maybe you spend some weekend time doing more of your planning so you can go to bed immediately after your kids one night in the middle of the week. I can handle a couple nights of bad sleep in a row but after that it gets ugly.
If sleep isn’t the major issue maybe you can pick one thing to work on for yourself, what ever you feel will help the most. You deserve to be ok!
Sleep, naming the name of the emotion and physical sensations, naming the causational factors, perimenopause, reaching out and hearing you are not alone. NOT DOING ANYTHING impulsively or while feeling spiralizing even if you think you are being rational and focused. We are holding your hand and need you holding ours in return. Watch out for too much sugar and grains too. Look for a line in nature and see it is graceful. Decide which rock is most beautiful in your stack of rocks….. then pick a different one and make it the favorite. Calendar track when it is hardest. Look for patterns and triggers. Watch for correlations with your eldest child’s swings too. It is simply being really really really hard in every way right now. We support you.
I’m so sorry. You are really doing a lot. Agree with above about sleep, I would be a complete wreck with that schedule. Like a useless mess. The “naming your feeling & how it feels physically” is exactly what my therapist tells me to do, so there must be something to it. I hope you come out the other side soon.