Weekend Highs and Lows

This weekend was… not great. I’m still struggling with poor sleep and general moodiness. I’m feeling so over this knee injury and how long it’s going to take to get better. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but right now I’m just annoyed. Not a great head space but it’s where I’m at.

I’m sure it didn’t help that my husband was gone from Monday night to Saturday night. My kids are old enough now that a week without him is not awful, but it’s noticeable. He does a lot and when he’s not here I have to do a lot more. I was definitely more “done” every night when I went to bed.

And yet I still slept shitty. Every single night. I can’t remember the last time Day Light Savings messed me up this much. Every afternoon I look at my watch and think, how is it already 5pm? Every day I feel like I’m losing an hour again. It’s not helping my moodiness.

And we didn’t get ANY summer camps through Rec and Park for our son. I got shunted to the waiting area for TEN FULL MINUTES and by the time registration opened for me everything was full. I was so furious. I’m so tired of how hard it is for families in this city. There is not enough after care. There are not enough summer camp spaces. The childcare you can find is so crazy expensive. I’m so over it. Sometimes it feels like San Francisco hates families and kids. The city makes it so, so hard to stay here.

And yet we do. Thank goodness are kids don’t need childcare much longer.

But there were some positive moments. Today my daughter found out she got into the high school she wanted. She did NOT get into the fine arts high school, but by the time she finished the application process she decided she didn’t really want to go there. She was actually really worried she was going to get in there at the end. But she got the high school she did want, and it’s really popular – many of her friends did not get it – so she’s feeling very thankful. The tie breaker she got for being at her middle school definitely helped, even her friends that hadn’t been at her middle school all three years (so they didn’t get the tie breaker), didn’t get in. Of course they can try in Round 2 and many of them will get it then, but we’re really thankful we don’t have to experience any more uncertainty around it.

I’m so not looking forward to participating in the lottery next year for my son’s middle school placement, That is going to be really rough.

There were other bright spots. I saw a movie with my friend Sunday afternoon. Knowing I was getting away to see her (and Dune Part 2!) kept me going through some low moments. Honestly, the anticipation of that outing was as awesome as the outing itself.

The kids and I went to IKEA on Saturday night to get a new table. We hit up In-n-Out on the way down, and tried out the cargo carrier for the first time. It worked great and I’m glad we brought it because I think the box was just too wide to fit in the back (without putting the seat down). My kids and I have a lot of fun going on little adventures like that. My son especially loves the IKEA show room and it’s fun for us to play around there, especially on a Saturday night when it’s surprisingly empty.

Today I installed a shelf of my own design with hooks to hang the cargo carrier. I am quite pleased with hot it turned out, and it only cost about $40 total.

Why yes, I am a badass. đŸ˜‰

We built the table and it’s perfect for what we need, which is admittedly kind of random. You may remember that we can’t use our back room, behind the kitchen, because of extensive water damage and mold. It smells awful and is surely a health hazard. And it’s where our dining room table lives. We’ve tried a couple workarounds for family dinner but they weren’t working great. I found a table at IKEA that folds down AND has space to store the folding chairs. We have a corner where it fits, and we can either open one eave and fit 2-3 people with it in the corner, or pull into the space between the living rooms and fit all four of us.

It’s obviously not a perfect solution to not having a real dining room, but it will work for now. And I’m so glad we found something that works as well as this for us. It’s been really hard not having a good space for us all to sit down together. I’m so glad that now we do.

I’d love to write more, but I’m so tired and my computer finally downloaded the new operating system that I hope will stop the random shutting down it’s doing. I use my work computer so, so much, when it shuts down without warning in the middle of the work day it throws a million wrenches in my plans.

I so want to say that I’m trying hard to work on my attitude. I’ve been very mindful of my self talk, especially around work and home obligations. I’m aware that most aspects of my life I find challenging are the direct result of choices that I’ve made and continue to make. I could make different choices and have to face different challenges. I’m trying hard to recognize what is truly not working for me, and to identify ways to improve or change circumstances. I spent a lot of my life feeling like shit was happening to me, but I understand now, at this point in my life, how much agency I do have. Of course I can’t do anything to speed up my knee recovery, except to strengthen the muscles around my knee so that when it is healed I will have the muscular infrastructure to support it and hopefully prevent re-injury. So I’m doing what I can, and trying to accept what I can’t. It’s hard, but I am trying.

If only I could get caught up on my sleep. God I need a good night of sleep so, so badly.

Two 5s on a Friday: What’s working (and what’s not)

This week has been a little rough for me. I’ve been super anxious about my knee; the possibility of just tripping weirdly and tearing my ACL completely makes me very nervous. I’m hyper aware of my leg all the time, which is exhausting for me. The time change has messed with me pretty significantly and I’m tired. I’m just feeling really wrung out right now. But some stuff is working pretty well, despite other things not working so great, and I’m here to write out all of them.

What’s working

My new knee brace. I really like my new knee brace, which I appreciate because it cost $200. It works especially well when I’m working out, because it protects my knee when I’m lying down as well as standing. It’s comfortable, but feels like it’s giving me a lot of support. I spent a lot of time looking at knee braces and it felt like very few of them got really good reviews, especially for women with smaller knees. This was one of those few, and I’m really pleased with it.

The stationary bike. My Peloton membership is only for weight training but they give you three complimentary “equipment classes” and I’ve taken a couple of the Bike Bootcamps and really like them. The bike works well to get my heart rate up and make my quads burn, which is exactly what I hoped it would do. I’ll probably up my membership to get access to the equipment classes for a couple of months, so I can keep making the most of the bike during my rehabilitation. Honestly, I might be in better shape at the end of this than before I hurt my knee.

{I’m also very grateful that we have a space to keep the stationary bike in the house without inconveniencing anyone. Just another reason I love having that space downstairs. Truly, it’s a godsend.}

My retractable pen contraction. Speaking of stuff I bought to solve a problem, I recently purchased these little things that go around a pen and have a clip. I put that on a retractable key ring and put that on my lanyard. Now I always have a pen hanging from my neck at work, which makes me inordinately happy. My students are always asking me to sign off on stuff or I have to fill out a pass for someone and my pockets were constantly full of pens and pencils. Now I just have one hanging from my keys at all time. I’m truly the happiest panda.

Taping the gate open. Wednesday Amazon was coming to pick up the giant, super heavy, cargo carrier I was returning. It also happened to be the day my knee brace was coming. Our front door is behind a metal gate that automatically locks when you shut it. I was worried that the brace would come first and the delivery person would shut the gate, making it impossible for Amazon to pick up the cargo carrier. So I taped the gate so it just couldn’t lock. And the brace did come first, but the cargo carrier still got picked up. I can’t tell you how many times we’ve had deliveries delayed because something came first and the gate was locked afterward so something else couldn’t be left safely behind it. I never once thought to tape the gate open. Now I will ALWAYS tape it open when I know two things are coming on the same day. This is seriously a game changer. (The moral of this story is clearly that we order WAY too much shit.)

New systems. I’ve been pushing myself to do ALL THE TASKS that need to happen before I leave for work the night before. I don’t leave the towels to start them in the morning, I put them in and get the load ready and delay the start for six hours. I don’t put a sticky note on my the mirror with a reminder to put something in the car, I just PUT IT IN THE CAR. I’ve been doing that this week because my in-laws are coming over at 7am to get the kids ready and take my son to school, and I want to have my car out of the garage before they get to the house. I’ve definitely been going to bed a little later, but I haven’t forgotten anything yet this week.

Some new systems at work are also working. The hour I spent printing stickers and organizing them with the tabs was absolutely worth it; I am getting free reading boards done way faster. I’m also making sure all my work is done the night before, in case my in-laws ever come late, making me later than I’m used to. This week would have been way more stressful if I weren’t being so proactive about staying on top of everything.

What’s not working

Sleep. Sleeping has sucked this week. I can’t fall asleep at night and the one night I did I woke up at 4:30am and couldn’t fall back asleep. Even with sleep aids I just can’t seem to get a good night’s sleep. It’s really starting to weigh on me. I’m really, really tired.

Managing my students. There are few creatures in the world as obnoxious as most middle schoolers in the spring. Truly, March to June is the worst time to be a middle school teacher. They are just out of their minds, distracted, unfocused, unaware. They don’t listen and then are indignant when faced with the consequences. I’m slipping into snark way more than I want to be. They are truly just driving me crazy right now. And my old systems are buckling under the weight of their total lack of fucks. It’s really hard to hang onto my own fucks when everyone else has freely given away theirs.

Craigslist. I’m trying to find a specific kind of table from IKEA and Craigslist keeps failing me. I either find one that works and I email them and it’s already gone, or I ask someone to maybe take more than $20 off the purchase price only to be denied. So I guess I’ll be heading to IKEA this weekend, and buying more furniture. At least I won’t have to drive two hours away to do that.

Knee rehab exercises. It has taken me a long time to identify some knee strengthening exercises that feel appropriate for my situation. Now that I have them, I’m finding it really difficult to do them 2-3 times a day. The amount of time this will require is significant, and I don’t have a lot of wiggle room at work. Or in the afternoons. It’s going to be tough. I have my first official PT appointment on Wednesday. I look forward to some guidance on all of this. (My sports med doctor did give me some suggestions on how to get started during our phone appointment.)

Continued radio-silence from my knee. My knee continues to give me almost no feedback on whether or not I’m pushing it too much. There are definitely positions that are uncomfortable (mostly when I try to bend it a lot), but it’s never sore after working out. This morning in bed I remembered how once, maybe 15 years ago, I got bit by a dog in Costa Rica (it was my fault, I didn’t see the dog sleeping in a really small doorway, and I stepped on it trying to see if an internet cafe was open). The wound was pretty gnarly – you could definitely see my shin bone – but it didn’t hurt. I distinctly remember the medic who attended to me being incredulous that it didn’t hurt. He kept pouring stuff into and saying, but does that hurt? He even waved people over to show them how he could pour the stuff into it and I didn’t even flinch. That dog bite happened on my right leg, and at the time I just assumed the bite had severed whatever nerve was supposed to hurt there, but now I’m wondering if there is just something wrong with my nerves on that leg. Like maybe whatever kept that dog bite from hurting is also keeping my knee from hurting? I really wish I could figure out if that is the case.

Build-a-weekend

This past weekend was a lot of prepping for the coming week. Also a lot of putting things together and taking things apart.

I put together a cargo carrier for our car. I also took apart and returned to the box the first cargo carrier we got, which was much too big and too heavy for our little Chevy Bolt. The new one is aluminum and only 40″ wide. It’s much more appropriate for our car. Now I just need to get a bag and a couple of other accoutrements for it. Then we’ll be ready for CAMPING 2.0, with a cargo carrier and will increase our packing ability substantially.

Yes it is very low. Yes I’m concerned about that. But this is with a hitch adapter that raises it 2″ so it could be a lot worse.

I also built a stationary bike. It’s very basic, but it was cheap so I can’t complain. I was thinking of renting a Peloton bike but the $150 delivery fee and $84 a monthly rental fee already put me over the price of this other bike (which my friend has, and recommended to me). Since I’m fairly certain this will be a short-term situation, I just want something that gets the job done, and this does that. I can even get my computer on the handle bars securely, so I can watch something or do light work. Last night I did some prep for school today. It’s not as easy to use my computer on it as with the elliptical, but I think I’ll get better. Also, it’s quite loud when the resistance is up, so we’ll see how possible it is to watch things, even with AirPods.

Is there anything bungee cords can’t do?!

Can I tell you how happy I am the downstairs kitchen was already clean, so I could just set this up in there?! So, so, SOOOOO happy. My in-laws barely spent any time in the downstairs part of the house – the part I cleaned myself – and initially I was a little annoyed, but no longer. Absolutely, 1000% worth all the time I spent in there before our trip.

I also spent some time at work on Sunday. Mostly I printed free reading stickers for the kids’ bingo boards. The color printer at work is so great, but it’s also the only printer most teachers have. So many times I’ll put sticker pages in the printer and then someone else’s job will start and end up on my paper. It’s stressful and takes forever. So this weekend I went down and just sat in the copy room for almost an hour printing out what I hope will be every single sticker I need for this year. I also organized them in a big binder, with tabs and that time was absolutely worth it. Today I was able to get stickers on their bingo boards a lot faster than I had before. Maybe, if I keep tweaking my system, I just might make this whole project manageable.

I met up with my parents for lunch down by work, to make going down there feel more worth it. I would usually go for a run down there, and the weather was beautiful on Sunday so a run would have been nice. But I will not be running for a long while, and I’m going to have to watch a lot of beautiful spring days come and go without getting outside. I guess it’s good to start practicing.

My husband leaves for a business trip tonight. He does a lot and when he’s gone I really notice it. I’ll be happy and relieved when he returns Saturday night.

Springing forward didn’t feel horrible in the moment but today I could not stop yawning during my 6th period. It was so embarrassing! I was actually teaching something so each one was very noticeable. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

I think I just need to post this, despite the anemic ending. Guess the whole post is pretty anemic. Oh well. It’s what I have in me right now.

(Surprising and confusing) MRI Results

Sorry I’m just getting this up so late on a Friday. I spent Thursday afternoon processing and then Thursday night I had one of the most acute bouts of insomnia that I can remember. I didn’t fall asleep until after 3am and woke up at 4:45am. I slept for another 45 minutes after that, but today was really rough after just 2.5 hours of broken sleep.

My MRI results were surprising and confusing. The email in which she “explained” them to me was as hard to read as the actual report issued by the technician. I sent an email requesting some clarification and asking some of the most pressing questions like, what does this mean for daily life, working out, martial arts, etc and she got back to me much later in the day, which I ultimately appreciated.

So the MRI showed:

  • Minimally displaced cortical fracture of the posterior lateral aspect of the proximal tibia (so a hairline fracture on the top of my femur bone?)
  • High-grade sprain or partial tear of the ACL (ligament inside knee that stabilizes it laterally)
  • Grade 1 sprain of the MCL (ligament on inner side of knee)
  • Grade 2 sprain of the LCL (ligament on outer side of knee)
  • A large cyst on my ACL tendon (this is evidently very common, so I’m ignoring it)

So yeah, quite a few things going on in there. And I have to admit, I’m really surprised and confused because my knee does not hurt, and has never hurt, since the moment I injured it. It doesn’t hurt when I stand, walk, sit, sleep, nothing. I’ve looked up all of these injuries and “not weight bearing,” “swelling,” “acute pain,” are present in pretty much every thing I read. And yet I’ve had none of that. I’m seriously flummoxed that I could have done so much and yet feel nothing.

And I’m so confused on how to proceed if I can assume that my knee will continue to give me zero feedback as to how my injuries are progressing. If I’m having no pain now, less than two weeks out from the injury, how will I know what I can and cannot do in the future? Usually with an injury you try exercises, and see how you feel in the moment and later. Usually the injuries let you know if you’ve pushed too hard by HURTING. How am I supposed to know how to keep my knee safe if it’s giving me no indications of what it can handle?

I am truly so confused.

I talked some to my uncle, who is a retired orthopedic surgeon who specialized in knees. He was similarly baffled by my lack of pain. He told me that it might not hurt now, but once I start trying to exercise I’d surely feel it. When I explained that I’d already been on the elliptical twice, and once I actually pushed up the resistance a little so I could work up a sweat, he was very surprised that my knee didn’t respond in any way. I’m not taking my Rx (or any other kind of) NSAID (I haven’t been since last weekend) and I only ice it 1-2 times a day, mostly out of habit and what I thought was obligation (at this point I guess you only ice it when it hurts?) so I’m sure I’m not medicating the pain away.

My uncle conceded that, in the absence of feedback from my injuries, I’d have to be very careful. He suggested I wear a brace always when I’m out of the house, to ensure I don’t overdo it (and to protect my knee in cases of tripping). I agreed. He also suggested I use only a stationary bike for at least a few weeks, to be sure I didn’t push it too hard.

I got a really nice, $200 brace last night, because I know I’m going to want to be doing things that require lateral stability and I wanted something that was guaranteed to give that to me. I also ordered a cheap stationary bike (also $200) so I could start with that and then switch between it and the elliptical later on.

The good news is that nothing if fully torn, and my doctor said my knee felt pretty stable when she saw me. She feels fairly certain that if I let these injuries heal I won’t need surgery. My long term prognosis is very good.

Short term, I suspect I’m going to make myself a little crazy trying to figure out what is appropriate and what is pushing too hard.

I have a phone appointment with my doctor on Friday and a PT appointment the next Wednesday.

In the meantime I’m just going to do more research and take it slow.

Oh, and actually sleep tonight. I’m definitely going to do that.

MRI tonight

I was well enough on Monday afternoon to see my sports medicine specialist, who tugged a bunch on my knee and ordered an MRI. She said that even though it never swelled much, and feels so much better now, I could still have an ACL stretch or tear. The MRI will evidently tell us exactly what happened.

And I’m so relieved to be getting it. But I’m also really nervous. I assumed she’d see me knee, which looks normal (she still thought it looked a little swollen) and feels so much better, and tell me it was a sprain and send me on my way. I didn’t expect the, “it absolutely could be an ACL tear” at all. So while I’m VERY grateful that my injury is being taken seriously, and that I’m able to get an MRI so quickly, I left her office feeling more stressed about it than when I went in.

My MRI appointment is for 7:30pm tonight and she said I should get the results some time tomorrow afternoon. I really, really, REALLY (all the really’s!) hope it just a sprain and doesn’t have a damn thing to do with my ACL.

Please let it not be my ACL!!!!

{I’ve also just been really sad about this injury in general. On Saturday I missed DJ sparring, my favorite thing at the dojo and Tuesday I missed my favorite teacher doing ground grappling and I just was having a really hard time Tuesday morning about all of it. I’m not putting any of this out there for sympathy, just to be honest about the fact that there are moments when I’m REALLY upset that this happened, and I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit wishing I had just not going to sparring on Tuesday in the first place. I’ve been feeling a lot of big feelings and it’s exhausting and not super productive.}

I’m on the elliptical now, which she suggested I use with my brace. My knee doesn’t hurt at all on this, so that is good. I was going to look into renting a Peloton bike for a couple months but if the elliptical lets me work out safely, I will just stick to this. I am once again so grateful that we have this massive machine and the space to keep and use it and that it still works over ten years of pretty regular use later!

Today we didn’t have a proper staff meeting so I was able to get my Spanish 2 recommendations letters done. This was a HUGE accomplishment in the time I had. I didn’t even have their test scores on a spreadsheet before lunch today, and by 2:30pm I had those, along with their Tri 1 and 2 assessment averages entered, in a sorted list, and printed. Then by 3:45 I had all 35 letters finished and in envelopes with students’ names on them. I still can’t really believe I was able to bang those out so quickly. I guess I’ve streamlined the process more than I thought.

I’m extra relieved to have gotten those done because I have a ton on my plate at work this week. Friday is the end of the trimester and my students are turning in a ton of free reading requirements, which means I have to check them and then distribute the appropriate stickers on their free reading bingo boards. Putting the comprehension check in a form (instead of half sheets) was an absolute game changer, and it’s the only thing making this program manageable, but other aspects of my new system are still clunky, and with 120+ kids, no system can make checking this many forms, and activities and reading responses easy or fast. My classes started a movie on Monday because I was sick and thank goodness I was forced into that because I not only need the time to give out stickers, but I also need to not be scoring any other work right now.

Seriously, I’m so happy we didn’t have to meet for our staff meeting today. So, so happy.

I’m realizing this is my first MRI, so I’m going to go read a little about what to expect. I really, really hope it goes well and that I get good news tomorrow…

Weekend (Severe) Highs and Lows

The highs and lows this weekend were pretty extreme. I’m really hoping this next week is calmer, more even keeled.

Friday

HIGHS:

I got my Spanish 1B tests graded. This was a massive accomplishment and it allowed me to put down a big weight I had been carrying. I was really excited to get them done.

I got them done because I didn’t need to take my son to the dojo (he had been sick at home that day) and because my husband was covering with the kids upstairs. Then my husband and I started the new season of True Detective Night Country and loved it. I can’t wait to keep watching.

LOWS: I had to work until 8:30pm on Friday night to get those tests graded. Not the best way to start the weekend, but I was glad to be done with them.

Saturday

HIGH:

My son was feeling a lot better, and my knee was feeling a lot better, so I asked my friends if they still wanted to come over Saturday night. I had actually asked them a lot earlier, and then cancelled because of my knee, but then reinvited them, but then cancelled again because of my son. But then Saturday morning he seemed so much better and no one else seemed sick so I asked if they still wanted to come, warning them that I couldn’t be sure the stomach bug wasn’t still circulating. They decided to come and they brought their daughters and we had a great time. It was so good to see them all. I haven’t hung out with them since our trip to Grass Valley for New Years, so it’s been way too long.

Before they came over my son, daughter and I went to the mall to run a few errands. We got my daughter a strapless bra for a dress my mom gave her to wear at her Black and White dance later this month. They were having a Buy 2, Get 1 Free sale so we grabbed two other bras. Then a woman at the cashier next to me handed me a $20 coupon she couldn’t use, which helped a lot. Plus my daughter got to pick out a free lotion. I cannot abide scented lotions, so I never get them and my daughter was very pleased indeed.

At Target I was loath to restock tequila for hosting my friends, because I prefer to buy my tequila at Costco and I knew it would cost way more at Target. How could I let myself run out of tequila?! But then at Target my preferred brand (Cazadores, nothing fancy) was on clearance so the giant bottle that is twice as big as what they sell at Costco actually cost less. I was so stoked! I bought two giant bottles because why not?

We found everything else we wanted at Target (in the right sizes!) and just generally had a good time with each other. It’s rare for my kids to get along that well with each other, and me, on a trip like that so we all declared it, “A W!” (as the young people say). It was nice to have such a fun experience with them.

LOWS:

About five hours after everyone left on Saturday evening my daughter projectile vomited all over the bathroom. The toilet lid was down so none of it got where it needed to go. Then she used the sink, which got clogged, so at 2:30am I was cleaning copious amounts of throw up AND taking the U-pipe out of the bathroom sink to declog it (but not after I used the sink plunger, which filled the sink with a horrible black sludge.) It was a really shitty way to spend such early morning hours. It was really, really rough.

{A silver lining was that clearing the bathroom sink ended up being really easy once I got the U-pipe off. Sometimes it can take a full hour for me to declog it, but this time it was super fast. I really appreciated that.}

Sunday

HIGHS:

Sunday I had book club. I wasn’t sure if I should go with my daughter going down with the sickness, but I felt fine and asked them all and they said I should come, so I did. It was really nice to see them, and have adult conversations about all kinds of things, especially the book we read, There There by Tommy Orange. It was an amazing book, and now I really want to read his latest book which just came out and is evidently a kind of prequel and sequel of one of the stories in There There.

My son and I put up these wall mounts to display his mini-funko pops. We’ve been waiting for them for several months (long, boring story), so it was nice to finally do it! And they look great!

Also, the cargo carrier came, along with the hitch adapter. I was really unsure if the hitch adapter would fit, but it does – perfectly! – and I’m relieved because the hitch on our car is kind of weirdly placed and I was worried that if this adapter didn’t fit, nothing else would either.

My son and I did some martial arts work together, which I appreciated because we always say we’re going to but we rarely actually do it. We practiced bars and weaves and started learning his new form. My knee is feeling a lot better, so I was able to do most of it, just without such low stances. I have my appointment today and I still plan to go to it, so I’ll be able to ask her what I can and can’t do (or should and shouldn’t do) moving forward.

LOWS:

Around 7pm I started feeling queasy and by 8:00pm I was in the bathroom feeling absolutely awful. A couple of those hours were just a nightmare, especially since I still can’t kneel on my knee. I haven’t been that sick in a long time. But by 11pm I was feeling much better and was able to leave the bathroom rug for my bed. I never got sick again all night, and while I didn’t sleep great, I never felt horrible again.

This morning a friend texted to say she had it. She was at my house on Saturday and at book club on Sunday. I really hope we didn’t get anyone else sick. I would feel awful, even if people did know what was up and either came to my house or told me to join Book Club. I shouldn’t have had people over and I shouldn’t have met with other people. I know how contagious stomach bugs like that can be. I just really hope my one friend is the only one who has to suffer like we did. And I hate that she does have to suffer! She seems to have it worse than any of us did. We were all bad for about 3-4 hours and then felt relatively okay for another 12-16 hours. I actually feel “fine” today. I’m not 100%, but I don’t feel nauseous at all. I’ve even eaten Saltines and there were no adverse affects. But my friend got sick around 5am and still feels horrible. Blerg. I feel so bad.

Five on Friday: Knee update (and advice requested)

My husband and I both were realizing last night that we’d only been back for a full week that evening. After an a great initial three days back (Friday, plus the weekend) the rest of the week was pretty rough, starting with my busted knee on Tuesday night and ending with my son’s throwing up all last night. Whew, I’m glad it’s Friday. And here are a couple updates. Five in fact.

My knee. It’s A LOT better. Every day it’s been less sore and felt more secure. I’m still wearing the brace to make sure I don’t over do it, but I’m feeling pretty confident that I haven’t torn my meniscus or my ACL. I just think either of those injuries would hurt a lot more than this does. My current guess is that I just sprained it, or tore my quad muscle. The only spot that is still swollen is right above my knee. So I’m feeling really hopeful that it’s not nearly as bad as I originally feared. I’m even hoping I can still participate in my belt test next month.

Doctor’s appointment. I have one for Monday, but the latest they have is 2:30, which means I’d have to miss my last two classes. These are really hard classes to miss because almost no teachers have preps during those periods (during 5th only ONE teacher has prep! ONE!) I put in for a sub, but if no one takes my classes I’ll probably have to cancel. I’m wondering how bad it would be if I have to cancel. This is where I’d love some advice. If my knee just keeps feeling better, is seeing the doctor necessary? Especially if I suspect I will not be offered an MRI (because my knee is feeling better). If you have any thoughts on this please let me know.

Sitting workouts. They are a thing! Thank you JJ for alerting me to that fact because I searched for some (specifically for knee injuries) and found a bunch and immediately felt better just knowing they were there. I did a short one last night and I could definitely feel a difference in my emotional state afterward. Feeling like my knee was not as injured as I thought helped, but getting my heart rate up helped more. I just really need that release.

Knee braces. I immediately ordered a knee brace (one a friend suggested based on her experience) and it came Wednesday. I’ve been wearing it since then, when I need to walk around. At first I used it for lateral stability, and then to make sure I didn’t over extend my knee (which still really hurts) and now just to make sure I don’t walk around like everything is fine (because it’s not, sometimes I come down on it in a certain way and get a sharp pang, so I definitely still need to be careful). I got one with hinges and one without (for continued use when I’m at the dojo). And then I didn’t get anything else! I almost got a sleeve and another ice pack at Kaiser when I was picking up my prescriptions, but I put them back. And I almost got a cotton-lycra sleeve to wear under the brace, but then I found a pair of my daughter’s old leggings and I cut each leg off and that are perfect because they are so small that they are tight, and they stay on and up and are literally exactly what I need. I’m so proud of myself for not buying a million things when this happened. I’m also proud that I kept enough of our old ice packs and ice pack holders, to not need to get more. Yay me.

My husband. He’s been struggling with this. He seems really angry at the dojo. He keeps asking me if other people have been injured (yes, of course) and what the liability waiver looks like. At first I understood, but he just keeps bringing it up and it’s starting to annoy me. Martial arts is a contact sport. Of course there is a chance that you’ll be injured. There is a change you’ll be injured in any sport, and even more so in contact sports. I have always felt VERY safe at the dojo. It’s a teaching dojo, not a competitive dojo. We spar to teach and learn, not to best each other or win. There are no points. I’m just really not sure where all this is coming from.

I’ve also found myself not asking for things because I don’t want to put him out. I think this is partly because I just hate asking for help, partly because I know he specifically can’t usually take on more than he is used to, and partly because he’s being so negative about how this happened. It’s not great. Luckily I have never been totally immobilized by this injury – even initially I just needed to walk very slowly and couldn’t stay on my feet long – so I haven’t needed too much help. But still, it sucks to not feel like I could ask for it if I did need it.

{He’s also been really struggling at work again. He was in such a good mood on out trip, but the minute he returned to work he got really down and tired again. It’s clearly work that is making him miserable. Do I really pressure him to ask for medication just so he can better tolerate his job? He’s definitely interested in leaving, but it will take months for that to happen, and this next year will be even worse than normal because it’s an election year and the current mayor is incredibly unpopular, so all her staff are losing their minds and it will only get worse. Just another reason 2024 is going to be shitty.}

Resting. I went to work on Wednesday, but I only taught two classes (one block and Advisory) and then I went home. I spent the rest of the day on the couch, with my knee up, icing it every other 20 minutes. It was really nice to give myself that time, and since I had long prep on Wednesday, it only “cost” me 90 minutes (for the staff meeting I missed). Thursday was really rough – I had four block periods, I missed my first break while the 8th graders were finishing a test, then my second break doing supervision duty, then my lunch letting kids in because of the rain. I got no breaks all day long, and I was on my feet a lot. I also had to do a ton of driving after work (which isn’t so bad because my car is electric and has a drive setting that basically brakes for you (to generate power) the minute you take your foot off the gas – it’s been so helpful). So I was REALLY glad to get some rest on Wednesday. I hope to get some more this weekend, especially since my son is now sick!

Right when I got hurt, I was immediately thinking of big picture things I might not be able to do – mostly my belt test. But Wednesday morning, when I got up to make the kids’ lunches, I realized how hard everything else was going to be, and what a pain in the ass just shuffling from one area to another was. I kept forgetting things and cursing the need to double back. It’s been really hard, and my injury is super low key! I’m fairly mobile! I can’t imagine how hard it would be with a more serious injury that made moving around difficult to impossible. I’m so grateful that mine wasn’t that bad.

And with that I gotta just hit publish on this thing otherwise it will never go up. I’ve been working on it all day…

Aak! I meant to thank everyone for their thoughts and advice on the last knee post. I really appreciated them! Thank you! I take all your insights to heart.

CDMX DĂ­a 3: TeotihuacĂ¡n, Pozole de Montezuma, Handshake

Teotihuacan was not on my husband’s original itinerary, (probably because it’s not a culinary destination!) but I requested it. I felt like I couldn’t be so close to so much history and not stop by to check it out.

And it was close, relatively. But getting there required a long metro ride to the northern edge of the city and then an hour bus ride to TeotihuacĂ¡n itself.

My husband had heard that it was best to visit TeotihuacĂ¡n early, before the heat and the crowds get too intense. So we dragged our buts out of bed at 7:15am on Wednesday morning so we could leave the apartment by 8am to head to the metro. I don’t think we got out as early as we’d hoped to, but we did alright and we were on a bus heading to the pyramids by 9am.

The bus ride out of the city wasn’t so bad – we both got seats and the bus didn’t hit any traffic. We gazing at this giant, ancient monument before 10:30am.

The area is massive, with two really big pyramids (The Temple of the Sun and the Temple of the Moon), with several smaller pyramids along the wide thoroughfare that made up the center of the ancient city. We walked back and forth and then into some of the structures we could enter.

The areas you could enter were really interesting. They showed different living areas, built closely together. Many of them still had carvings and paintings that had been untouched for hundreds of years.

The living quarters of many different families.
Aren’t these carvings incredible?
The painting are amazing.
Truly, the colors were astonishing. These painting have been kept away from the sun since they were discovered.

While we were there, my husband said he thinks seeing things that make people today understand how much has come before, and will come after them, is important. That he likes feeling small when face with the sheer immensity of the past. Amen to that.

Eventually we made it over to the museum. Once again we weren’t sure what to expect, but were blown away by the artifacts and explanations.

I couldn’t not get enough of the cacti in this area

This room showed a to-scale model of the city with the pyramids,

The sheer number of structures is impressive, let alone their size
And you can see the actual pyramid behind it!

On the way out of the museum there was a beautiful garden, which we were beginning to expect, frankly.

The bus trip back to the city was quite a bit longer than the trip out. There was a lot of traffic, and we were very thankful to have gotten seats again, this time together.

Once we were back in the city, we went to the pozole spot that was out when we went on Saturday. We got there just after it opened and there was still plenty of pozole. Which was awesome because this was some amazing pozole. We ordered the “large” size which was quite massive. #noregrets

I love pozole. It’s one of my favorite foods.

This spot was so interesting because from the street it’s just a door with a paper sign declaring the hours. It seems to be at the bottom of an apartment building. There was nothing around, especially not on the exact block.

Can you spot Pozole de Montezuma?

Inside, after a little hallway, it looked a little more like a restaurant front.

I am so glad my husband did so much research before we went, otherwise we probably would have missed out on this gem.

After some of the best pozole I’ve ever eaten, we went back to the AirBnB to rest and regroup, and to change out of our tourist clothes into our going out clothes. Because Wednesday night we were visiting another one of the Mexico City’s best bars.

It was really nice to have a moment at home in the middle of the day on Wednesday, especially with the early morning wake up. Most days we left the apartment around 11am and didn’t return for 12 hours. We were only back for about an hour on Wednesday, but I enjoyed that hour quite a bit, especially since it meant I got to hit up the bar that evening in my going out shoes and even some make up!

{I brought my new vegan leather jacket to Mexico City and that was absolutely the right move. I fit right in, and loved wearing it both at tourist attractions and out at night. Leather and vegan leather jackets (and skirts! and pants!) were everywhere in Mexico City and it was fun to wear my own vegan leather jacket so much there.}

Handshake is another bar listed in the top ten bars of the world that resides in Mexico City. You need a reservation to get in for sure (we watched so many people get turned away when they opened at 6pm), and once inside you only get 90 minutes to enjoy your drinks. But they move fast and we both were able to order three drinks, each of which was amazing.

After our time at Handshake, we couldn’t decide on which of two spots to have dinner, so we ate at both of them! It helped that they were on the same block. The first was an Asian fusion taco spot that was just incredible. We ordered each of the tacos on the menu and shared them all. They were so, so good.

The second place was also really good. This is where we got the salsa macha, that we tragically had to leave at TSA on our way home. I still think about that salsa macha. Seriously, it was a real loss. đŸ˜‰

After our (two!) dinners we headed home. It was another long, amazing day and we were now over half way done with our trip. We passed out pretty quickly because Wednesday was a long, long day. It felt fitting for it be the top of the pyramid of days of our stay.

I injured my knee! (And I’m trying really hard not to freak out)

Tonight at sparring a bigger guy jumped on my back and when I got down to throw him off, my right knee collapsed inward and I felt a horrible popping on the outside of my knee and then I went to the floor. Afterward my knee didn’t hurt really but there was a weird tingling down my leg and when I put weight on it a certain way (like not straight down), my knee wobbled from side to side. I obviously got off the mat, but I couldn’t figure out quite what had happened. It didn’t hurt and I could put weight on it, but if I tried to pivot in either direction even a little it would wobble like crazy and feel like it might collapse. After that happening twice I went into the dressing room to get changed.

I can still walk on it, but it’s starting to get pretty stiff when I try to bend it. It’s clearly injured but I can’t tell how badly yet. I am just trying really hard not to totally freak out, even though it seems like I will only be able to test in April in the best, best, best case scenario, which seems highly unlikely. I am so disappointed.

I’ve cried a lot. When I got home I was trying so hard to put on a calm face, that my husband thought I was doing fine and cracked a joke about it and I totally lost it. He immediately apologized and took over for the evening.

I have always known I would handle an injury poorly and now I am proving myself right.

I emailed my sports medicine doctor asking for her advice and requesting a test (MRI?) if one might help me determine what exactly I did to it. I flat out told her that without knowing what happened I would struggle to allow myself the time and rest required to heal. I wish this weren’t true, but it almost certainly is.

I’m already trying to figure out how I can strength train (upper body, core, maybe some lower body stuff with support) without hurting it further. The idea of just sitting around for even week is making me crazy.

Ugh, I’m so mad this happened. I’m pretty sure it’s because my legs were so sore for the past few days that only today have I been able to take stairs and squat down normally. I’ve been doing that kind of stutter step when I needed to use my quads or glutes much. So when I tried to get in my legs today, they just weren’t there for me and my knee took the pressure. So fucking dumb.

I’m icing my knee on and off for 20 minutes and I took one of my Rx strength NSAIDs. I’ll take another one in 24 hours and just keep taking them for a while (my doctor recommend I just trying taking them every day for a month to see how my back felt so I’m sure I can take them long term for this). I ordered a brace that a friend who just sprained her MCL recommended and it comes tomorrow. I have an ace bandage to use until then. I def want something around it just to be able to walk around without it wobbling so much.

I was so excited to run tomorrow. I was just starting to feel really confident in my training for my test, and accepting of my lower back pain and feeling confident that I’d found good exercises to strengthen it, and then this happened. I’m so mad at myself. This was avoidable and I didn’t avoid it because I always want to push.

I need to shut this shit down because I’m just getting angry. If you have any insight or tips for me please let me know. I’ve had very few acute injuries like this and never anything with my knees so I’m all ears with what to do and what to maybe expect. Truly, any info you may have would be greatly appreciated.

CDMX DĂ­a 2: Parque Chapultepec, Museo de Arte Moderno, LicorerĂ­a Limantour

I started Day 2 with a little resistance bands workout. My resistance bands were loops, not the kinds with handles, so I had limited success. But it felt good to stretch and strengthen after the day of travel and the day of walking.

I had to hurry my little stretch and strength training combo because we had an 11am reservation for brunch at a spot that mixed Indian flavors with traditional Mexican cuisine. We walked about 30 minutes to get there, through some really cute neighborhoods. Mexico City is interesting because it’s big and bustling, filled with vegetation. Many of the streets have walkways lined with trees down the middle. The plants are very tropical, even though the air in Mexico City is dry. I was expecting it to be a lot more humid.

So many streets with this down the center. Mexico City is very walkable.

The restaurant was really cute – it consisted of a long, thin room that barely allowed for the waiters to pass by the diners on the sides. There were four big tables, that diners shared with other parties.

We got some really amazing food here, and absolutely appreciated the vegetarian options, after all the meat we’d eaten the day before.

“Grilled cheese” with Oxacan cheese and chutney.

After brunch we walked over the Parque de Chapultepec, which is beautiful and sprawling and is the home to a bunch of museums. On Sundays they shut down one of the main thoroughfares in the park for bicyclists, runners and walkers.

We first tried the Museum of Anthropology, but it was free day for nationals and residents so the bag check line was super long and we decided to come back a different day. Instead we walked into the Botanical Gardens, which were very splendid indeed.

JardĂ­n BotĂ¡nico

The outer gardens had so many different kinds of cacti and succulents. The arrangements were beautiful.

After spending quite some time in the botanical gardens, we decided to try our luck in the Museo de Arte Moderno, which was also in the park but didn’t seem as crowded at the Anthropology Museum. I’m so glad we checked in out, because it was lovely and they had a Pop, Politics and Punk show ending that day.

The closest you’re going to get to a selfie from me. Ha!

Check out these domes! I was really impressed by all the museums we saw on our trip. The architecture was always stunning.

The Museo de Arte Moderno also has a sculpture garden, which we lingered in for a while.

We also met a cute cat, who came over to say hello.

The park was filled with vendors selling things, and we did look around for gifts for the kids, but we ended up feeling really overwhelmed and left without buying anything. We were really astonished by how much buying and selling was happening all around us always in Mexico City. The sheer amount of people on the streets selling food and wares was insane. Everywhere you looked someone had set up shop and was hollering about what they could offer.

We left the park to grab a coffee. We went to ChocolaterĂ­a La Rifa and I got a super yummy mocha. I drank a lot of “mokas” (how they are generally spelled there), but this was one of the best. The shaved chocolate on top of the chocolate whipped cream was especially yummy.

Then we headed to dinner. The walk to coffee was over 30 minutes and the walk to dinner was another 30 minutes. I really enjoyed seeing so much of the city by foot.

Dinner was very good, a kind of modern take on traditional Mexican cuisine. The avacado furikake tostada was especially amazing.

Avocado furikake tostado

Finally we walked to another one of Mexico City’s great bars – Liquor Limantour. We each had three great drinks and then we spotted something really special at the end of the list – el OrĂ©gano – it was so, so good. The waiter said it was his favorite, and the server who brought it to us said it was his favorite. Even the person who picked up the glasses said it was his favorite. So why was it buried at the end of the list?! I’m so glad we tried it, it was so, so good.

God we had so many great drinks in Mexico City.
The Orégano!

On the way home we hit up Orinoco for a second time. This time we got their chicharrĂ³n especial and oh man was it special. I’m so glad we went there one more time.

After Orinoco we headed back to the AirBnB to watch a little TV before we passed out from exhaustion. It was another great day, and we were super tired by the end of it.