Five on a Friday: The all kinds of ways I felt today

I have tried to write this post several times, but today has been A DAY. And I finally decided to just make the post about all the ways I felt today, instead of explaining them and then trying to grasp at some “bright spots” (which was going to be after the colon, before today happened).

Pretty darn good

This morning I was all like, writing a post some bright spots this past week will be easy because I inexplicably feel pretty darn good. And this despite the fact that I woke up at 3am last night and took forever to fall back asleep. I figured it really must be my hormones messing with me if my mood could change so much for no apparent reason.

Pretty darn bad

Then my morning classes happened, ending with 3rd period which has become my own personal nightmare class. There are several students in there making me crazy and today I explained some consequences that would go into affect on Monday and I assumed today they would be better but instead they were like, WELL THIS IS OUR LAST HURRAH and were all even worse than normal. I wanted to cry.

In pain (both mentally and physically)

After I had a little meltdown about 3rd period I decided to suck it up and get some work done. So I set up the floor pillows at the floor table I like to sit at and my knee hurt so bad and then my back hurt even worse and I felt kind of despondent because I miss sitting on the floor so badly. And what a dumb thing to miss but also, can I not even have this one thing I love so much! Sitting on the damn floor should not be taken away from me! And also my lower back pain has gotten successively worse because I can’t do any of the stretches that used to alleviate my pain and it compounds my frustration about my knee injury. At this point I did cry.

Resigned and exhausted

I got pretty much nothing done during my prep and lunch and went into my last two classes feeling resigned and exhausted. At least those groups didn’t do anything to crush my soul.

Incredulous

After work I made a series of unforced errors that led to prolonged “what the actual fuck are you thinking” face. First I didn’t grab an umbrella from work for my daughter even though I had two there and I knew she didn’t have one and needed one and even considered going home to get her one and EVEN GRABBED MY RAIN JACKET FROM WORK FOR HER. Then I stopped by the Petco on my way home to get cat and bearded dragon food even though the plan all week has been to go to a different Petco near the dojo while my son was at class. Then I dropped my daughter’s stuff off and was on my way home when I realized my son was supposed to be AT THE DOJO at 5pm, not being picked up from school to go to the dojo at 5pm. Luckily I was able to bribe him to change in the car so he was only five minutes late.

Each of those mistakes was so aoidable and yet I just started making them and kept on making them the whole way home. What is wrong with my brain these days?!

Grateful

And one for good luck (because I forgot to post this hours ago – of course!)

I just picked up my daughter from her Black and White dance, where she looked beautiful and felt loved and had a ton of fun. She has so many good friends and has had such a positive middle school experience. I kind of can’t believe how different these years have been for her. I am so grateful that she’s having such a positive experience. I recognize how rare that can be for an adolescent girl. I don’t take it for granted. I’m very grateful.