Grimy Splotches

Full disclosure, I’m kinda struggling right now. Everything is fine, or at least it will be, but I’m in a funky headspace and I’m just trying to get through it.

Something deeply upsetting happened on Monday. The situation will eventually be resolved, and I will write about it when that happens, but the in between space between the conflict and resolution is wearing on me. I hate waiting.

The husband has been in a way lately and that puts me in a way.

The 14yo has finals and is stressed out about it. Managing her stress give me stress.

The 11yo is becoming very much a tweenager and it’s just another transition we’re all transitioning through.

A couple of my classes are DRIVING ME CRAZY. I hate that I still can’t approach some groups for students with equanimity.

I’m tired of feeling like shit when I run. I want running to feel good again and I have no idea why I’ve been in such a rut for so long.

I’m hitting a plateau at the dojo. It was bound to happen, and I know I’ll eventually push through it, but man I’m not looking forward to feeling like I’m not progressing. I hope it doesn’t last too long.

I’m spending too much money. This is always the case before Christmas, but I’m still disappointed in myself about it.

The winter break is looming. On the one hand I can’t wait to get away from my classroom (even though I just got away from it for a week!) and one the other hand 16 days is a looooong time to spend with my kids! I love them, but they can be a lot!

There are plenty of bright spots right now, and I am focusing on them, but right now I just need to vent about the grimy splotches that are making it hard to see the bright spots.

Wow. I thought I posted this HOURS ago. Boo. Better late than never I suppose.

3 Comments

  1. 4 am. ridiculous hour. Wet here and has been since 2am at least. Slept. Woke. Need more sleep. May not happen. Will try again for more sleep.
    Understand ‘Way’ … the general concept. Life is real. I am reminding myself that I really am grateful and lucky. Your posts are grounding and good reminders. I need to remember and hold my awareness correctly.
    Thank you. Very much. Best wishes to your son, your daughter with exams, you with your current students and world, your husband, your family…. all your readers.
    Wishing us all peace…..for the whole world.
    Hope every one has a good peaceful night of restorative sleep and there is joy with daylight.

  2. Noemi, sometimes when I read your posts I’m like “Noemi is me” and sometimes I’m like “Noemi is my husband.” He’s really struggling right now too, with all the school-related things. Plus worrying about spending money, and he and my daughter can’t seem to get along these days, and it’s wearing on everyone. Not to downplay anything you’re going through, just trying to empathize. I don’t know what the upsetting situation is but I hope it’s resolved SOON.
    Sending hugs…

  3. We are absolutely in that place of struggle with the kids with you. It’s been a LOT. But I’m seeing yours, I see our future struggles too. Sigh. They are so much and require so much patience. Solidarity!

    Fingers are crossed for resolution for your upsetting situation super soon.

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