Knowing what I need (and what it’s sometimes hard for me to know when to say “no”)

Am I the only one who sometimes doesn’t know what she needs? Or isn’t sure what to prioritize when two goals are seemingly not in sync?

On Saturday, I woke up to wind and rain again. You may remember that last Saturday that was the case and I delighted in a day at home. This Saturday I was supposed to go to the dojo, but on Friday night I’d felt a little off (ears felt achy and hot, throat was twingy) and I was already wondering if I’d be able to go, so when I woke up feeling better, but saw the rain, I wasn’t sure what to do.

I agonized over the choice for a couple of hours. On the one hand I had LOVED staying home last Saturday, and found the idea of not leaving my house, after a week of relentless errands, very appealing. On the other hand I hadn’t gone to the dojo all week because I expected to go on Saturday. In fact I hadn’t gone since LAST Tuesday, because it was closed last Saturday (hence no dilemma last weekend when it rained). So it felt really important that I went this Saturday. But my week had been rough, and wind and rain were ugly, and I didn’t relish the thought of waiting for the bus in the storm. Also, when I haven’t been for a while, it’s so much easier to continue not going.

In the end I didn’t go. And I ended up being find with that decision, and eventually I reveled in staying warm and dry at home, and got a lot done. But I also think I would have been happy that I’d gone, if I had made it to martial arts.

I guess I’m just not sure how to manage those moments, because I really did agonize over the decision all morning, and I’d love to save myself that kind of mental anguish. I suppose I need to really know what my priorities are, and I did end up looking at it like that. In my little planner, my goal for December was to get through the holidays with my sanity in tact, and that week I definitely felt my sanity slipping away. I also plan to start preparing for my next belt test in the new year, and I know I’ll have to show up at the dojo a lot to do that. So I made the choice to stay home this past Saturday, instead of braving public transportation during a storm to go.

I don’t know. Maybe I did figure it out, in a way, and I’m just writing about it to process the experience so I’ll learn from it. Or maybe not. I do think that sometimes my goals are in conflict with each other, and I’m not sure how to reconcile that when there are hard choices to make. We read a lot about learning to say, “no” and a lot of those articles imply that most of the time we know when we should say no, we just say yes out of habit, or a sense of obligation, and recognizing that is all we have to do to fix the problem and start saying “No!” But I’ve always felt like it’s not as simple as all that. Like I’ve mentioned before, I never want to assist at the dojo in the moment, but I almost always am glad I did after the fact. I could tell myself that I’m prioritizing my own well-being by saying no to volunteer requests. But I also find that I enjoy assisting there, and also feel generally better when I’m there knowing that I do assist on a regular basis (so I don’t feel bad on the days I don’t respond to requests to assist).

I guess all that is to say, it’s more complicated than the articles make it out to be (shocking!), at least for me. And if you’re struggling with knowing how to prioritize your goals, so that making the hard choices is a little easier, you are not alone.

If you have any thoughts on this, or tips you’ve developed to manage it, I’d love to hear them!