I’m not feeling great these days. Hot flashes are a daily, and nightly, occurrence. As well as digestive issues, that can lead to uncomfortable, if not painful, bloating. My allergies are nuts right now; I’m sneezing like crazy. All the nose blowing has created a couple staff infections in my nasal passages that are quite painful. My lower back is acting up and I seem to have pulled a muscle in my left quad. As you can imagine, I’m sleeping like shit, which makes me irritable on top of everything else. I’m a hot mess right now (literally and figuratively. Ha!)
In case you’re unsure how bad it’s gotten, my husband offered to take the kids this weekend so I could “have some time.” He just offered that to me. If you’ve read me for any length of time, you know how out of character that is for him.
It doesn’t help that work has been wonky this week. The 7th graders are at outdoor ed, and I have two classes that are mostly 7th graders. Usually I get a few 8th graders from some other class that is mostly 7th grade and they join my few 8th graders, but this year I am covering two completely different classes, one 6th grade and one 8th grade PE*. Oh and I have my 4-5 8th graders with me in those classes. It’s not exactly hard, but it’s not conducive to getting work done.
And I need to get work done because its the end of the trimester! Except when I get home I’m so tired and annoyed (and sweaty) that I don’t want to do anything, and I end up sitting on the couch, staring at my phone.
Today I left work early and ran some errands, before getting home around 4pm. I soooo wanted to just sit on the couch and play games on my phone, but I got out my work bag and scored a bunch of stuff that I need ready for tomorrow! I was so proud of myself for something that I used to do almost every day, no problem. Ugh. Everything feels really hard right now.
Yes, I know I can talk to my OBGYN about the hot flashes and IG/bloating issues, but I know she’ll just offer me HRT which I’m not interested in (because any form of birth control made me feel crazy, and HRT is the same hormones in birth control). The hot flashes have been happening for a week, so maybe they will chill out moving forward? Obviously I will research possibly treatments more if they continue to bother me as much as they are now.
Tomorrow is going to be an intense day at work, but I’ll get through it and it will be okay eventually. The kids have six days off for spring break the week (and earlier Friday) before I do, so I may take that Monday and Tuesday off so we can go somewhere close by (maybe Monterey?). I can’t take the Thursday or Friday off before my break anymore – that is not allowed! So if I do it’ll be at the beginning of their break. It will be nice to go somewhere with them, but I don’t love taking days off right before a break (I’d prefer to use them in early May, in the middle of the eight week stint with no days off).
I’m still in a reading rut. I understand Alas de Onyx better now, but I’m not into it as much as the first two. And I just cannot give a shit about The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store. I’m telling myself it’s okay if I don’t finish it, but I’ve NEVER not finished a book club book. Blerg, I guess there’s a first for everything.
Speaking of a first for everything, today I bought a pair of Lululemon leggings at FULL price. This is only the second thing I’ve ever bought from there, the first being a pair of yoga pants on deep (for them) discount. My mom bought me a pair of their dance pants OVER 10 YEARS ago that I still wear, but I’ve never actually bought anything there for myself until recently. Today I was in the store because I had to return clothes to another store and while I was waiting in line to get a bra on sale I saw a pair of yoga pant leggings with a piece of fabric that kind of scrunches over at the top in the prettiest dusty rose color, and I went to try them on to show myself they wouldn’t be as nice as I expected but they were! and they were buttery soft and I got them. I never get clothes like that at full price – pretty much all my clothes are purchased on sale, now that I think about it – but places like Lululemon have always been way out of my price range. And yet I got them. And I’m stoked about it. Maybe hot-flash me just has no fucks left to give about spending $100+ on a pair of yoga pants (okay I kind of cringed writing that… shrug emoji)
I don’t love coming on here to bitch and moan (and please know that I recognize that these are MINOR health issues, and I’m grateful every day that I’m not facing more serious conditions), but it’s where I am at right now. I have found my gratitude practice shining through quite a bit in the moment, when I feel grateful for small things or certain circumstances (that I’m not scoring any new work for two of my classes this week, and that I choose to watch Encanto with the 6th graders so I have some time to grade paper, to name a few). It’s not all awful, these are just new and annoying symptoms that I’m not used to. Oh and I’m sleeping very poorly because of them.
And I know I haven’t been writing about it much (at all?) but the political situation, which is causing incredible stress, (as you all are acutely aware). I actually thought the hot flashes were just stress responses at first. And maybe they are related? But needless to say, stress is the air we’re all swimming in right now, and I’d be remiss in trying to explain my state of mind without mentioning it.
* I LOATHE subbing PE. I hated the class as a kid and I hate “teaching” it now.
