Thanks for attending my pity party yesterday. I was in a pretty bummed out place when I wrote that: my husband had decided to pick a fight with me the night before about how I am over-committing and he is doing too much. This is a discussion we’ve had a lot, and I’m really not sure how to move forward with him on this topic. As I’ve mentioned before, the more I request the space and time to pursue my own interests, the more push back I get from my husband. It just sucked that he chose the night before my birthday, when I KNEW I wasn’t going to be acknowledged in the ways I hoped for, to tell me he feels like he is doing too much. It sucked.
So yeah, I woke up feeling pretty down on my birthday. Luckily my husband apologized and then asked what I wanted that day. Since it was a Wednesday, and we had an appointment at 3pm, I just asked for a card with a handwritten note. (His birthday is Sunday and my parents are taking the kids that night so we’ll have dinner then.) Still, I was feeling like my husband doesn’t recognize or appreciate my contribution and I am so tired of feeling that way. It wasn’t how I wanted to feel on my birthday.
Later in the day my friend told me she was planning a dinner with friends at her house for my birthday that Saturday. That was so sweet and made me feel very loved. I’ve literally never had a friend plan something like that for my birthday. So on Saturday I’ll be seeing some friends and on Sunday I’ll be having dinner with my husband. I’m feeling a LOT better about my birthday. (And maybe by Sunday my husband will have the card with the note – he bought the card but hasn’t written anything in it yet.)
Honestly, I think part of my problem yesterday was I’m just mentally exhausted. I’m in the final leg of an intense two-week professional development. It’s farther south than my work, and since my kids are in two different camps that aren’t very close to each other in the city, it’s taking me 1.5 to 2 hours to get home every day. I’m also getting ready for a belt test on Saturday, which is not great timing but they only have belt tests every two months so it’s now or wait a while. I’ve been a yellow belt for a while now and am ready to move up, so I’m going for it, but it’s definitely adding stress to an already mentally exhausting two weeks.
So yeah. Thanks for indulging me yesterday. I’ve found that I generally feel pretty down on my actual birthday, but I don’t dread it much before hand and quickly get over my pity party afterward so I guess that’s not so bad (all things considered). Next year I turn 40 and because 2020 is a leap year my birthday will fall on a Friday. I definitely want to plan something with my friends. I do believe that ultimately it’s up to me to create a celebration for my birthday, and I’m definitely planning on doing that next year.
I’m glad to hear that your friend is throwing a birthday party for you and that your husband (sort-of) came through, at least in a limited way.
My husband and I often have discussions about who is doing more or taking on too much. I think that they are inevitable in households where both parents work full-time outside the home and have 2+ children, simply because there is always so much that *has* to be done every week. I hope you arrive at a workable resolution of your disagreement.
Two full time employed working parents makes life harder. So busy all the time. Neither of you are employed with constant business travel, which really adds complexity. But perhaps your husband looks forward to your times ‘off school’ when his contributions to child herding get reduced. So he may, at an unconscious level, have emotions about not getting ‘his downtime’ from you being free of your normal school year schedules. That would lead to his feeling you are over-committing and that he then is not getting some degrees of freedom. Or I could be all wet.
What does he like for his birthday acknowledgement?
Glad you two can have a dinner out for both your birthdays. Hope the weather is lovely, food good and love & joy with each other prevail.
Hurrahs for your friend who has celebration plans for Saturday. Friends are such gifts in our lives.