Post-January Check-in

I have to admit, reading everyone’s blogs in January made me wonder what was wrong with me. I could barely manage to write a post a week, and never wrote goals for the year, let alone for the month. I felt like I could barely manage the bare minimum in basically every area of my life, work, home, and family. Every day I struggled to get up in the morning, while everyone else wrote detailed goals in different areas of their life, and then CHECKED IN WITH THEIR PROGRESS! Meanwhile, I am proud of myself when I show up to work in the morning.

I don’t know what my problem is, but I am over it.

Actually, I do have some idea what my problems were last month. I got a sinus infection. And then the antibiotics I took gave me a yeast infection (they were also responsible for the disappearance of my rosacea, so maybe that was a wash, except my rosacea is back now). The fires in LA were horrifying, especially since all my college friends live down there, and many of their family members lost everything. And of course the last two weeks of the month have been a nightmare with the new administration throwing America’s institutions into their roaring dumpster fire. So yeah, I guess I do know why last month sucked.

I guess I don’t understand how everyone else is managing to get on with their lives (which is what they should do), while I flounder and feel like shit.

But there are some things I did last month, some of them could have been goals! And I’m better off for having done them. They were:

I did my Strong Glutes program 2x/week repeating the first and second weeks, as suggested.

I cleaned the downstairs (because I was hosting a friend, but still! I finally got it done!)

I hung out with friends a few times, and with my parents twice. I definitely want to prioritize connection this year, and there was plenty of quality time with people I like and love in January.

I responded to all the comments on my blog. I didn’t write very much, so there weren’t many comments, but I still did it.

I made changes to my sleep situation in an attempt to take back the 3-4am hours.

I made an appointment to see a new psych in the city to change my meds.

I tried to make an appointment to take the cats to the vet the week I’m off after President’s Day, but they are closed for renovations. But still, I tried!

Oh and today I emailed my GP with pictures of my rosacea, because I’m finally willing to fight for my skin, after being reminded of how nice it can still look.

These are acts of self-care! I am trying, even though a lot of the time I feel like shit.

Maybe I should cut myself some slack. And articulate a couple priorities for this coming month, so I can feel good about getting them done. I get a week off in February, and four of those days my kids have school. I should especially make some goals for that week.

In the meantime, I have continued to work out, though I’m not sure I’m going to keep writing out my weekly workouts here. I’m not quite sure what the point for doing that is, since I don’t actually say much about any of them. I wonder if a monthly accountability buddy (like Engie does) would be more helpful , since the main reason I think it would be interesting to keep tracking them, is too look back at what I’ve done, and looking back at a month, instead of a week, would be easier.

I am going to participate in Elizabeth’s F.I.G. Collective, because I definitely could use some gratitude practice right now. I think I’ll post them on Fridays, the month ends on a Friday. I hope to write them day by day, so I’m not scrambling after the fact to remember something, because I think the daily practice of identifying things I appreciate is what I most need.

So there you go. I’m still not in a great head space, but I am attempting to pull myself out of the hole. I’m really hoping February is better than January.