I have to admit, reading everyone’s blogs in January made me wonder what was wrong with me. I could barely manage to write a post a week, and never wrote goals for the year, let alone for the month. I felt like I could barely manage the bare minimum in basically every area of my life, work, home, and family. Every day I struggled to get up in the morning, while everyone else wrote detailed goals in different areas of their life, and then CHECKED IN WITH THEIR PROGRESS! Meanwhile, I am proud of myself when I show up to work in the morning.
I don’t know what my problem is, but I am over it.
Actually, I do have some idea what my problems were last month. I got a sinus infection. And then the antibiotics I took gave me a yeast infection (they were also responsible for the disappearance of my rosacea, so maybe that was a wash, except my rosacea is back now). The fires in LA were horrifying, especially since all my college friends live down there, and many of their family members lost everything. And of course the last two weeks of the month have been a nightmare with the new administration throwing America’s institutions into their roaring dumpster fire. So yeah, I guess I do know why last month sucked.
I guess I don’t understand how everyone else is managing to get on with their lives (which is what they should do), while I flounder and feel like shit.
But there are some things I did last month, some of them could have been goals! And I’m better off for having done them. They were:
I did my Strong Glutes program 2x/week repeating the first and second weeks, as suggested.
I cleaned the downstairs (because I was hosting a friend, but still! I finally got it done!)
I hung out with friends a few times, and with my parents twice. I definitely want to prioritize connection this year, and there was plenty of quality time with people I like and love in January.
I responded to all the comments on my blog. I didn’t write very much, so there weren’t many comments, but I still did it.
I made changes to my sleep situation in an attempt to take back the 3-4am hours.
I made an appointment to see a new psych in the city to change my meds.
I tried to make an appointment to take the cats to the vet the week I’m off after President’s Day, but they are closed for renovations. But still, I tried!
Oh and today I emailed my GP with pictures of my rosacea, because I’m finally willing to fight for my skin, after being reminded of how nice it can still look.
These are acts of self-care! I am trying, even though a lot of the time I feel like shit.
Maybe I should cut myself some slack. And articulate a couple priorities for this coming month, so I can feel good about getting them done. I get a week off in February, and four of those days my kids have school. I should especially make some goals for that week.
In the meantime, I have continued to work out, though I’m not sure I’m going to keep writing out my weekly workouts here. I’m not quite sure what the point for doing that is, since I don’t actually say much about any of them. I wonder if a monthly accountability buddy (like Engie does) would be more helpful , since the main reason I think it would be interesting to keep tracking them, is too look back at what I’ve done, and looking back at a month, instead of a week, would be easier.
I am going to participate in Elizabeth’s F.I.G. Collective, because I definitely could use some gratitude practice right now. I think I’ll post them on Fridays, the month ends on a Friday. I hope to write them day by day, so I’m not scrambling after the fact to remember something, because I think the daily practice of identifying things I appreciate is what I most need.
So there you go. I’m still not in a great head space, but I am attempting to pull myself out of the hole. I’m really hoping February is better than January.
Thank you for F.I.G.
I am impressed by all you did accomplish and all the responses to comments on top of all the illnesses and realities of things happening in the world. You are still standing. That is a huge accomplishment.
You would cut me a break…. please be equally nice to you. You deserve pats on the back and praise (unstinted praise) for all you accomplish and all the help you give to the people in your life.
You are amazing.
FIg: 2/1 finished tax project, 2/2 Finished 2 books While also catching up with two friends on Long Calls.
Thank you for sharing your FIGs! Love that. You’re right that I’d cut anyone else a break. And I am cutting myself a break. I just hate feeling this way. I want to feel better. And I’m not sure how to make that happen.
Oh yay! I am so excited to see FIGs coming in from people around the world.
After a very dark, cold, depressing, heart-wrenching January, I feel like we could all some light and joy in our days. It doesn’t take away from the fact that literally millions upon millions of people are suffering horrible things right now, but it does help us dispel some of the shadows.
Thanks for joining in <3
Thank you for inspiring me to do it! I really need it right now.
How has your cycle been lately? Are you still struggling with the peri-menopause stuff? Have you been able to link any of your feelings of overwhelm with where you’re at in the cycle? It’s so annoying as a woman to have to think about those things!
It sounds to me like you’ve gotten a LOT done! Especially with DH’s struggles which means you’re taking care of the bulk of things at home and with the kids on top of your work. It’s often too much for 1 person to do everything needed all alone and to do it all well.
I have no idea where I am in my cycle lately. No spotting in months but there were some other “cycle signals” in the past month that confused me. Hormones are almost surely part of it.
Some months are good from a ‘get stuff done’ standpoint, and some months are less good . I feel like you had some months this fall with a TON of action and ‘get it done’ type energy. Maybe January is just not the peak of your productivity cycle and that’s 100% okay. I also feel like with the fires in your state (even though not too too close, the fact that you know so many people there) that would be really REALLY disruptive and stressful.
Yeah, I suppose some months aren’t going to be as productive. I just wish I were making the choice to do less and not feeling like I have no choice but to do less.
Le sigh. I feel you sister. I mean, I didn’t have any of these exact things, but January was ROUGH, at least the last 10 days. I have tried to keep a stiff upper lip on my blog, and figure out what I can do personally to try to feel a bit of power over the situation, but sometimes I have a horrible knot in my stomach and so much rage and disbelief. It’s HARD.
Interesting that the antibiotics helped with your rosacea. What kind were you on? I take Minocycline (100 mg only 3 days a week) and have never had a problem with yeast, because I take a good probiotic. I take the probiotic every day (ideally, I forget sometimes…like today) with breakfast, and my antibiotic at bedtime, away from any food or vitamins. Something to consider I guess, if adding a good probiotic might help.
Hang in there, and I hope Feb is better. And yeah, you got a lot done in Jan!
I was on amoxicillin. I looked ir up and I guess it’s just their anti inflammatory properties, not the actually antibacterial properties that help with it. But there is an antibiotic that is taken for bad rosacea. It’s actually what my husband got for his sinus infection (he’s allergic to penicillin) – Doxycycline. And yeah, my bad for not taking probiotics. Such a rookie move. Do you recommend what you take? I have never found one I felt was effective.
I should have been more specific and told you why I take it! I take Minocycline for my Rheumatoid Arthritis. I recommend it for that absolutely. I just wondered because a lot of people take it for acne. I know acne isn’t the same as rosacea, but wondered if there might be overlap. A lot of folks who can’t take Minocycline for whatever reason take Doxycycline. Though to be fair, antibiotic protocol is pretty uncommon for RA. I take it because the other drugs they offer scare me too much, and because it is pretty cheap, and it works. If you decide to try the Doxy, just remember to take your doxy a few hours away from other medications and supplements, and take a good probiotic. <3
January was…so-so. It just felt very looooong and the awful politics seemed to seep into everything. Although I still get regular periods every month, I see other signs of perimenopause – some night flashes, and hormonal mood fluctuations. I put myself on Vitex- a supplement to help regulate the mood swings. I feel like it’s helping. My primary doctor recommended it during my annual physical. I shared with her that I have been very moody lately and it bothers me.
Thank you for recommending Vitex. I took it when I was trying to get pregnant! Now I’m taking Estrotone, which is an estrogen free supplement that helps with perimenopause symptoms. It also have Vitex! And it definitely is helping. Honestly, I think my biggest problem is a lack of quality sleep, and it’s frustrating that nothing I do seems to help with that.
Apnea???? HAve you been checked?
A friend always reminds me: your best is not the same everyday. Some days you’re just surviving head above water, some days you’re holding your breath all the way down, some days you get a lot done. Each of those days was the best you had to offer that day and it’s nothing to be ashamed of!
That helps me with that feeling of “but I (or someone else) did SO MUCH MORE on whatever occasion”. Yeah well that was a good best that day, and maybe today’s much more challenging! Lots of challenging days.
January was AWFUL. And yours sounds Awful plus with the illness and meds problems on top of the fires and inauguration and everything since.
I felt the same way about January! Almost like I was moving in slow motion or something, while everyone else was whizzing around with their goals. So far February hasn’t been much better- I still feel vaguely lethargic, and when I get home from work I just want to get in bed with my book.
Definitely, DEFINITELY do something about your rosacea. I can’t believe I lived with mine looking terrible for so long. Seriously, the gel from amazon has made a huge difference. It has sulfur in it, but I know you can also get a prescription face wash with sulfur. There is definitely a solution for you.
I got an Rx! One simple email with a couple picks and I got an Rx. Why did I wait so long?!
I think writing out your workout here IS your accountability buddy… 🙂
I had a rough January, too, friend. I made no goals, I was sick, the LA fires made me sad and then the inauguration happened (and I work for the government). Do I need to say more?
I do hope February has some happy surprises in store.
My friend works for the Feds (HUD) and it’s been rough. I hope your second half of January wasn’t too stressful.