This is a really good read about not just the current child care crisis, but the long term implications of women being forced out of the job market in the short term because of the pandemic, and in the future because of a severe shortage of child care.
A lot has been written about how the pandemic has reversed the gains of decades of work toward gender equality, and it’s something I have been reading a lot about.
I’ve definitely noticed a lot of old resentments flaring again since the shelter in place order has been in effect. I was usually the one who made herself available for a lot of the child care logistics, partly because I had more flexibility in the afternoons and also partly (well, probably more than partly) because I drive our only car.
My husband has definitely internalized expectations about the sanctity of his work day, and they are very much on display now that we’re all stuck in the same house. The fact that I had way more flexibility during the work day in the spring, and my background in education (which means I was more inclined to help our kids manage their school work), further entrenched the unequal division of labor. Me being on summer break for the past six weeks has pretty much cemented them.
I’m really worried about how the fall is going to play out. I assume the expectations on my kids will be greater than in the spring, especially for my son who only had one zoom meeting each morning and then was free to finish the work I gave him when he wanted (or when I could help). I also assume I will be doing more synchronous teaching, which will require I not be disturbed for longer chunks of time.
All of this is going to make the fall a lot harder to navigate than the spring.
Circling around how we might make these logistics work is part of why I’m struggling from falling deep into an anxiety spiral.
I’m trying to be proactive. I asked my husband to take off the first week of school entirely, and he just put in for the time. My hope is that if he’s around as we figure out the first week, he will better understand how he can support them, and me, as distance learning progresses.
Right now there are so many unknowns about this fall, but one thing I’m sure of is that I’m going to need to be proactive and persistent if there is even a chance I’ll get the support I need from my husband to maintain my sanity. His default attitude is to assume that I am on it, and that he can go do his own stuff. When we could outsource child care that was more manageable, but now that we need to figure it all out in-house it’s not. I hope we can make it work so that at the end of all this we’re still married…
Glad he put in for the time off for all of your sake. HOPE he can see and take in the reality of what needs to happen. It is clear you do understand his deeply unconcious traditional understanding and assumptions about gender roles. It will be hard for him and from all you have said it does not play to his strengths. Almost makes idea that you may be required to teach from school while he is working from home a clearer avenue for his path towards needing to change his plans and become more proactive in finding assistance. But not an easier path at all. IS there any chance his parents might come over and help the children’s school work during part of his work day? Or are they simply too high risk even if they wore masks and face shields?
Grim. This will be a very difficult fall for many many families/people.
Glad he put in for time off! For us what worked best was… residency. If I was literally never home, I literally couldn’t do anything. And I just… didn’t. And everything was fine. I was reading about a girl who homeschooled for 4 years starting in 7th grade to pursue a dance career, and literally learned nothing. When she got injured in 11th grade she refused to go back to high school, so they enrolled her in community college instead, and it ended up being fine. This will be fine too, it’s just going to suck sometimes.