I am feeling SOOOO restless lately. The fact that we’re at school this week is throwing me. It’s not just that all the assignments I’m posting on Google Classroom from last year have next week’s dates, it’s like there is something deep inside me that feels like we should be on break. Maybe my internal clocks are so linked to the academic calendar that they can sense it’s been a week too long! Maybe I’m just crazy.
I am jonsing for the break though. And I’m trying hard to figure out what exactly I am jonsing for. Do I want to sit on the couch and binge watch something? Do I want to organize? Purge? I can’t really figure it out. I need to clean up the downstairs and make the calendar. But there are a lot of days next weeks and so far the only thing on the calendar is Thanksgiving afternoon at my parents’ house. I just want to make sure I’m taking full advantage of the first break of the year. That I feel like my cup is filled at the end of it.
Of course we’ll be back at school only 2.5 weeks before the big winter break. I hate this. My schedule is so screwed. I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to manage it. I’m already so behind and only having 2.5 weeks between the breaks is going to throw all the wrenches in my plans.
Today I had some space in my evening – just an hour or so – and I didn’t know what to do with it. I felt so restless. I did comment on some blogs! I’ve been meaning to do that for so long and I finally had the time and I did it! It wasn’t enough, but it was something.
I need to start thinking about presents and buying stuff but I can’t think of a damn thing to get. I’ve checked some of my favorite money-holes and nothing is catching my eye. My kids are older and it’s so much harder to get them things. It’s probably for the best, as we could use the money and I always spend too much at this time of year. It will be GOOD if I don’t find a bunch of dumb stuff to buy. That is a positive development. And yet…
The post-election depression isn’t helping. I haven’t written about it in a while, but it’s still bumming me out (understatement of the year). I feel like there hasn’t been much written (in the major news outlets) about what an absolute dumpster fire this country has become for women, but it’s been a big focus for me and my feelings. If my 20 year old self found out where this country would be at this point, she wouldn’t believe it. 44 year old me is incredulous. I just feel so lied to. Everything we were taught was a fucking scam. It makes me sick. And fucking furious. I really do not know how to process it.
Blerg. I didn’t mean to write such a downer post. Shit is not that bad (for me). I will be fine. I’m lucky that I live in a state that is more interested in protecting my rights than the federal government. We have resources. We are not being targeted directly by this hideous administration and it’s disastrous policies. We will most likely be okay. That is not the case for so many people in this country. I know I have it better than most people.
Okay, enough politics. I thought it might make me feel better to acknowledge it, but it’s just making me more mad. It’s having the opposite affect than intended!!!!
Four more days until Thanksgiving Break. I can make it four more days.
