Yesterday sucked. It sucked at work and it sucked at home. I went to the dojo and it felt like I shouldn’t be there. My husband is struggling with some very real mood stuff. We’re trying strategies to help him manage it, but I don’t think I can handle providing those supports at home, my regular shit at home, and work, and training for my test. And if I don’t train for my test, and everyone in my cohort moves up and I don’t, I think I’ll be done at the dojo.
It just sucks. It sucks to see my husband suffer. It sucks to have to do more, and have it not be enough. It’s sucks for my son to get sick on a Thursday night (yes this also happened). It sucks that I can’t easily take a day off, which means my husband has to which means I’ll owe him time over the weekend so he can get caught up at work.
It just sucks. And yes, some of this is weird and a one off, but there is always weird, one-off shit complicating things. That is life.
I slept horribly last night. I maybe got four hours of sleep. I’m sure my son will have me up multiple times tonight. I should probably go to sleep.
I guess I’ll go do that.
Boo. Sorry for this super downer post. Things have been rough, maybe rougher than I realized, and it sucks to feel like maybe I can’t have some things that are important to me. That maybe the timing just doesn’t work for something in the short term, which can affect things in the long term. It’s just a bummer.
If you have any advice for dealing with a spouse who is trying hard to pull himself out a dark place, who is already doing everything he supposed to be doing – exercising, eating well, not drinking, trying to get enough sleep – I would appreciate it. I’ve been in dark places myself, but I don’t know what else he can do to turn this bull shit around. Mental health stuff is so hard.
You said he is “already doing everything he supposed to be doing” but did not specifically mention counseling or meds… has he explored those options?
He has not started counseling/therapy, but he’s open to it (kind of). We have Kaiser so he’ll be on his own paying for it and it’s so hard to find someone right now (both of those realities cause him a lot of stress, so it’s much easier to not pursue them). And this bout of low mood has not been long enough yet for him to consider medication. It’s been about a month (maybe six weeks?). I think he’s less interested in meds because he knows a couple friends who felt they really didn’t help much. I had a similar experience (SSRIs are not effective for me at all, and in some cases made me feel much worse). But you’re right. I didn’t mention those things and they are important steps consider.
Try the meds and therapy. I’m prone to these moods too and when it’s unbearable (this time the acute phase was only six weeks this time as well, but it was clear I wasn’t managing well on my own even with exercise, sleep, eating blah, blah…), I turn to them – started both about 2-3 weeks ago. It does eventually turn me around even though the situation stays the same. This time, I was shocked with the Effexor, I immediately stopped yelling and feeling really out of control moody. I usually take Lexapro which took somewhat longer – but you have to give it a couple of months to really see it help. I found a therapist through my employee assistance program (which I had forgotten I had, my dr mentioned it) – six sessions free and since that therapist only does these short term-type things, she had quick availability – maybe your work or his work has it? And hire the housekeeper 1x a month, that’ll help too. Hope you both feel better soon. No harm in trying, you can stop the meds anytime.
I’m sorry, depression/anxiety just sucks. Keep on keeping on. Sending hugs.
I know you’ve talked about it with him, being that you struggle too, but is it time to either have him start on an SSRI or change his med if he’s already on one? I’m struggling badly currently, as I often do, but meds don’t work for me. But I know they can help most. ❤️
Girl how are you?! How are the kids?! I’m sorry you’re struggling. You know SSRIs don’t help me either, which is probably why I’m not pushing it more with him. But this morning we talked more about it and I think he’s at least considering it. Or at least considering talking to someone at a professional level, which would be the first step anyway. He barely sees a general practitioner though, so seeing someone for his mental health will be a big jump.
I’m sorry your husband (and you) are struggling, such a hard place to be. I’ve struggled with low moods and depression for years. I tried therapy and a couple SSRIs and (1) didn’t find a therapist I clicked with (2) found SSRI’s unhelpful. However, when I went through the sudden death of a parent about a year ago, I became more proactive because I could not get out of the low place I was in. I still have not found a therapist I love but I keep going, and I tried a couple of meds and Prozac has changed my life. I also eat well, exercise regularly, don’t really drink… and it simply wasn’t enough.
Much sympathy. That is rough and hard. House keeper would help all of you. Reduces your load though not cheap. But, esp when one parent is hit hard with the big ugly dog of depression, having someone else help with simple cleaning really is a load lifter. If he hasn’t tried meds he has no way of guessing if he is a fast or slow or no responder. Also possibly maybe a check on how much sugar is in diet might spotlight another possible helper. Sugar is addictive and super sneaky re mood.
Hope you do not drop the Dojo, I think it really helps you but I am noticing it is also a first reaction to stress…”maybe drop dojo”. I might also be incorrect. But give some thought IF dropping would really help YOU or not.
Hope this weekend you can get out and do something active. Maybe even get the kids to do big bike ride if it will be dry long enough. Which reminds me ~ Some people are really light sensitive…. might one of those daylight stimulating light bulbs help your spouse?