Thanks

Thanks for the kind words on my last post. Your comments actually prompted me to go back and read some of my older posts (mostly about marriage) and I was reminded that I’ve been writing here since (at least) 2015! And I used to categorize posts! I don’t even think I know how to assign categories to posts in the newer WordPress editor… maybe that is why I stopped? I feel like I just stopped caring, but maybe I’m letting “I stopped caring” be the reason for a lot of decisions that are more actually complicated.

{I definitely didn’t know where the categories were but I found them! Hurrah!}

I have to say, I enjoyed reading some of those older posts. And not all of them were “everything is shit and despair.” I tackled some hard topics with some nuance. But I also wrote a lot to process hard things, and the reality is there are fewer hard things in my life. Which is good! And I do have thoughts on things that are not hard, but writing those always feels like it’s going to take a lot more time and effort than I feel like I have. And since I don’t have the urge to write them, because writing them doesn’t help me process stuff, and also writing them is harder, it’s easier to play some Ball Sort on my phone than open up my computer.

I’m telling myself that the past 16 months were really hard and my brain was really fried, so showing up to provide commentary or insight was just more than I could handle. That may be the case. It may also be the case that I’m just not as inspired to take the time and exert the energy on writing posts that aren’t as easy (for me). That drive just might not be there.

It’s summer break now and my brain is getting some much needed down time. I’m going to take the summer to think more about what I want to write and why, and then I’ll see if I can actually publish anything that I find worthwhile. If, by the end of the summer, feeling good about writing here hasn’t gained any traction, I’ll probably take a break (and yes! I would tell you!).

In the meantime, I’m going to the North Bay to spend two nights with my three friends. I have been so worried I was going to get what my daughter had last week that I barely let myself believe I would be going. But we leave today and I’m still not sick so I’m letting myself get excited. And I am so, so excited – to get out of my house and away from my family AND to spend time with my friends. I feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity.

I will admit I’ve been in a bit of a funk since school ended. Packing my room was harder than I expected – I’ve been in that classroom for longer than I remembered and I’m sad to say goodbye. I got it packed up (enough) and now it can sit there until late July when I’ll be back to start moving my stuff to my new room. It’s a relief to have the hard part over, but there are other feelings mixed in with that relief. I’m hoping that time away from work will help me reset and I’ll return to the task with new eyes in late July.

And now I’m off to spend 48 blissful hours with three women that I enjoy so, so much. I am one very lucky lady.