But first, a PSA to parents: If your student is reporting troubling issues in a class, direct them to speak to the teacher about the issues themselves. Then, if they decide the issues are not being resolved after bringing them to the attention of the teacher, email or call the teacher yourself. Finally, if the issues persists, email or call the administration. DO NOT SKIP STEPS 1 AND 2! Emailing admin about how a teacher is not managing a problem for your child that they may not even know exists will probably hinder resolution of said problem, not aid it.
As you may have guessed, I had to deal with some bullshit at work this Monday that just sucked. It really devastated me mentally and emotionally at the start of the week and I’m still recovering. Also, parents can really, really suck. Not being a parent who sucks in this way is one of my most salient goals.
Yesterday my daughter turned 12. This was also an emotionally fraught moment for me, which I handled less well because of Monday’s continued fall out. I love my daughter and am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. But the fact that I can use the phrase “young woman she is becoming” about my first born is really messing with me.
On a related note I saw some photos of myself that reminded me I do NOT look like I did in my early 30s anymore. I think something inside me really believes I do, and it filters input on how I look (reflections or photos) to match that belief. But sometimes the filter takes a moment to update and I really see what I look like now and it’s startling. I’m starting to believe that I do not look like what I think I look like most of the time.
{This is filter is even more pronounced for my parents – sometimes I really see them and recognize just how much older they are than what I perceive and it’s very troubling.}
On another related note, my eye sight has gotten so, so bad. I desperately need to get a new prescription, but I’m worried the optometrist will try to sell me on progressives and I’m not sure I can handle those. Right now I wear reading glasses clipped into my pre-pandemic glasses to read or use the computer at home and I just don’t wear anything otherwise. At work I can barely see my computer and can’t read a lot of other things. I need to try something new but I’ve had so many total busts when it comes to my eyes and eye sight (contacts were a disaster for me, the negative affects of which I’m still dealing with) that I don’t anticipate actually being able to solve the problem.
Sleep is still elusive and does not seem to help me manage exhaustion in the ways it’s supposed to. There are so many days I can just not fall asleep even though my body and mind are wiped out. And most of the time if I do get to bed at a decent hour I wake up at an ungodly one. Sometimes (like last night) both happen! I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight and I was awake by 5:30am! I tried to fall back asleep for half an hour but finally just started writing this post on my phone.
{Productivity gurus who talk about manipulating sleep patterns (taking naps, or just going to bed early) must not have any issues with their sleep. Or at least they never seem to address the possibility of sleep issues in their work. I never had sleep issues before – they seem to be a fun side effect of perimenopause. Who knows if they will ever resolve themselves. If my mom’s experience is any indication, probably not.}
Finally, my body is handling stress less well, and I recognizing that managing chronic pain will almost certainly be a future requirement, one I will fail miserably at. I returned to the dojo last Wednesday and while all the kicking I enjoyed did not trigger my periformas syndrome like I thought it would, it did trigger lower back pain – which I have miraculously never had before in my life. So now I’m dealing with my first week of lower back pain and I lets just say I’m not managing it with much grace.
And I just changed the title of this post from “random thoughts at the end of the school year” to “thoughts on aging” because that’s what this whole post (minus the first paragraph) ended up being about! I suppose it’s been on my mind more than I realized lately. And I suppose when it affects pretty much every aspect of your life, it’s hard to ignore.
How do you feel about aging these days? Are any aspects of it more salient than others?
You are not alone!
1. First eyesight….I too had a terrible experience with contacts….so I wear regular “everyday to see glasses” AND I need a separate pair to read. Both are super loose on my head and have scratches all over the lenses. I cannot afford a new pair or to get them adjusted as I need to get an office visit at the eye doctor and I lost our vision insurance ( company buy out). And to make matters worse since I have to be wearing either/or at all times and they are loose and fall off my head, I then can’t see to find them and have no glasses repeatedly….I also forget where I set them down (also aging problem) and so sometimes have to wear my husbands “cheaters” to read a label on a can.
2. I have sciatica AND plantar fasciitis, which the later has flared SO bad that I for some reason I cannot put weight on one of my feet this week AND I volunteered to help on my sons field trip Friday which requires a lot of walking. I cannot let the teacher down and not show up, so I am “ODing” on Advil hoping I will make a full recovery. I did find someone on Instagram who I follow who does very short videos of wonderful stretches that has really helped me a lot with sciatic and low back pain- It is worth checking her out “drkatie_clare” is her Instagram name.
3. I have not slept a full night…I fall right to sleep and wake like clock work at 1:30-2am and proceed to stay awake the whole time until about 4:30am when I fall back to sleep. Unfortunately I have to be up at 5am…My Dr said it was from Menopause,. She also told me a lot of my orthopedic problems where from Menopause too
4. As for parents of children at school….my mom was an educator for 30 years…she LOVED her job and made such a difference in some children’s lives. BUT she said part she hated the most was the parents…either they were micromanaging and complaining about everything even though they may not know the full story or how things work in the school system and their child doesn’t communicate with them, or they were the opposite and were not involved at all and would not responded to any requests to talk due to a child struggling. I too try very hard to not be “that” parent!
5. I don’t even recognize the woman I used to be 4 years ago….weight gain from menopause has changed me and I am sure contributing to all the orthopedic problems.
Lastly, thank you for still hanging in there and being an educator…wow so hard these days….not what it used to be…honestly it feels like you almost risk your lives. But please know that at the end of your career there will be kids who think of you their whole lives and remember what a difference you made in their lives be it big or little. I still think so fondly of certain teachers and how they helped contribute to a piece of who I am today. And most of them never knew it. Okay I have rambled on way to much here. Hang in there!
Thank you for assuring me I’m not alone! It’s a bummer to hear that orthopedic problems can be from menopause, but I suppose that makes sense. I wonder if perimenopause is part of why I’m suddenly having chronic pain issues when I never had them before. Boo. It will really bum me out if I have to stop exercising like I do now. That is so important to my mental health.
I definitely see pictures of myself now and suddenly think WTF b/c I definitely think I’m younger or look like I did a decade ago. The 40# i put on the last 6 years definitely aren’t helping things. UGH. Don’t know why I can’t get back on the healthy eating train. I’m such a triggered food/alcohol person and it’s exhausting.
It’s crazy how our minds perceive something we see every day as different than it is! It’s really shocking to me actually.
I don’t think I look THAT different but there is more effort required- strength training, more thought going into eating habits, skincare (which admittedly includes some Botox). My hair is on the cusp of having some gray I can tell and I’m going to hate dealing with that but also hate not dealing with it!
Also I feel older. Mostly more tired!
You know, body wise I am stronger and thinner than I was in my early thirties (or even before my first pregnancy), but face and hair wise… it’s not great. And it could be a lot worse! My skin is pretty decent despite not wearing sunscreen as consistently as I should. And my hair has plenty of grey but I haven’t had to think about whether or not I’m going to dye it yet. I just look… older. It’s kind of a shock when I actually see myself.
Hi/lo lights deal with the greying hair process more easily than whole head dye. Where I am so many went natural for the pandemic quarantine, discovered the time and money saved…. well.
Eyes and vision. Go ask. Progressives, bifocals, glasses for specific needs, even surgery can be options beyond contacts. Simply: knowledge lets you make choices and good vision is safer. Safer for you and for everyone you might encounter, especially if driving. Sometimes there is some adjustment but, usually, it is not a long process. Tell experts what worries you. Get the exam, then decide about filling the prescriptions. PS: NOT SEEING so ‘squinting’ and ‘waving the object you are trying to read in & out’ is way more aging than grey hair/wrinkles!
Some people have more physical pain from aging than others. Looking at your activities and the impact on joints and bones may mean you need to alter some activities. Ask doc, trainer, physical therapists for your specific body issues. Maintain your core strength, your ability to get up and down from sitting position, and balance by regular practice. Do not quit moving! Walk with kindness to your joints (no pounding).
Hormones and sleep disorders can mess with sleep. Use appropriate hormonal therapies. (Notice did not say ‘incontin**’, BUT talk about it with Women’s Health docs!!!!) Aging is real, but today it is light years better than 30+ years ago.
So sorry you had school parents who heliocoptered/dis-enabled their children AND waited til very end of school. By middle school the child ought to have learned ….. . But in some families.
Hang in. Almost out for summer recovery.
Eyes: Definitely check out what your options are. I had difficulty with the PC/reading and was diagnosed about 10 years ago with an astigmatism. I wore glasses that were okay for distance and great for up close until a couple months ago. Weirdest thing? They got too STRONG for me, I kid you not! One day I asked to try my BFF’s readers and suddenly that’s all I need. Go figure.
I haven’t slept well since I was 18. I have a rare nerve disease that leaves me in constant truly horrific pain. I finally had gotten to where I sleep about 5 hours a night which was a godsend for me since I’d slept only sporadic minutes here and there for years. But then life happened.
I didn’t take my last birthday well at all. It was too big a milestone birthday. But, I was finally adjusting to it until a couple months ago. I certainly look better than I have in a few years- I’ve lost weight, and am paying attention to my make up and hair. But, the reason for all of the above, and the timing on the eyesight improvement is awful and making me feel much older than my actual age. I became a widow in April. My husband suddenly died and I now feel both lost like I did in my early 20’s and older than old because most widow’s are a lot older than I am.