Weekend Highs and Lows

This weekend was… not great. I’m still struggling with poor sleep and general moodiness. I’m feeling so over this knee injury and how long it’s going to take to get better. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but right now I’m just annoyed. Not a great head space but it’s where I’m at.

I’m sure it didn’t help that my husband was gone from Monday night to Saturday night. My kids are old enough now that a week without him is not awful, but it’s noticeable. He does a lot and when he’s not here I have to do a lot more. I was definitely more “done” every night when I went to bed.

And yet I still slept shitty. Every single night. I can’t remember the last time Day Light Savings messed me up this much. Every afternoon I look at my watch and think, how is it already 5pm? Every day I feel like I’m losing an hour again. It’s not helping my moodiness.

And we didn’t get ANY summer camps through Rec and Park for our son. I got shunted to the waiting area for TEN FULL MINUTES and by the time registration opened for me everything was full. I was so furious. I’m so tired of how hard it is for families in this city. There is not enough after care. There are not enough summer camp spaces. The childcare you can find is so crazy expensive. I’m so over it. Sometimes it feels like San Francisco hates families and kids. The city makes it so, so hard to stay here.

And yet we do. Thank goodness are kids don’t need childcare much longer.

But there were some positive moments. Today my daughter found out she got into the high school she wanted. She did NOT get into the fine arts high school, but by the time she finished the application process she decided she didn’t really want to go there. She was actually really worried she was going to get in there at the end. But she got the high school she did want, and it’s really popular – many of her friends did not get it – so she’s feeling very thankful. The tie breaker she got for being at her middle school definitely helped, even her friends that hadn’t been at her middle school all three years (so they didn’t get the tie breaker), didn’t get in. Of course they can try in Round 2 and many of them will get it then, but we’re really thankful we don’t have to experience any more uncertainty around it.

I’m so not looking forward to participating in the lottery next year for my son’s middle school placement, That is going to be really rough.

There were other bright spots. I saw a movie with my friend Sunday afternoon. Knowing I was getting away to see her (and Dune Part 2!) kept me going through some low moments. Honestly, the anticipation of that outing was as awesome as the outing itself.

The kids and I went to IKEA on Saturday night to get a new table. We hit up In-n-Out on the way down, and tried out the cargo carrier for the first time. It worked great and I’m glad we brought it because I think the box was just too wide to fit in the back (without putting the seat down). My kids and I have a lot of fun going on little adventures like that. My son especially loves the IKEA show room and it’s fun for us to play around there, especially on a Saturday night when it’s surprisingly empty.

Today I installed a shelf of my own design with hooks to hang the cargo carrier. I am quite pleased with hot it turned out, and it only cost about $40 total.

We built the table and it’s perfect for what we need, which is admittedly kind of random. You may remember that we can’t use our back room, behind the kitchen, because of extensive water damage and mold. It smells awful and is surely a health hazard. And it’s where our dining room table lives. We’ve tried a couple workarounds for family dinner but they weren’t working great. I found a table at IKEA that folds down AND has space to store the folding chairs. We have a corner where it fits, and we can either open one eave and fit 2-3 people with it in the corner, or pull into the space between the living rooms and fit all four of us.

It’s obviously not a perfect solution to not having a real dining room, but it will work for now. And I’m so glad we found something that works as well as this for us. It’s been really hard not having a good space for us all to sit down together. I’m so glad that now we do.

I’d love to write more, but I’m so tired and my computer finally downloaded the new operating system that I hope will stop the random shutting down it’s doing. I use my work computer so, so much, when it shuts down without warning in the middle of the work day it throws a million wrenches in my plans.

I so want to say that I’m trying hard to work on my attitude. I’ve been very mindful of my self talk, especially around work and home obligations. I’m aware that most aspects of my life I find challenging are the direct result of choices that I’ve made and continue to make. I could make different choices and have to face different challenges. I’m trying hard to recognize what is truly not working for me, and to identify ways to improve or change circumstances. I spent a lot of my life feeling like shit was happening to me, but I understand now, at this point in my life, how much agency I do have. Of course I can’t do anything to speed up my knee recovery, except to strengthen the muscles around my knee so that when it is healed I will have the muscular infrastructure to support it and hopefully prevent re-injury. So I’m doing what I can, and trying to accept what I can’t. It’s hard, but I am trying.

If only I could get caught up on my sleep. God I need a good night of sleep so, so badly.