Not a Wasted Word

Today was 8th grade promotion day. I read names. I didn’t mess up any. And then I went home.

I packed a nicer set of clothes, but forgot the nicer shoes. I considered going to the mall to grab some new sandals (it would be helpful to own a pair of nice sandals), but we celebrated our administrative assistant retiring right after school, so there wasn’t much time and I hated to lose my parking spot. Weirdly, a friend had a pair of flats she was getting rid of (in a big bag of clothes given to her by her MIL) and they were exactly my size. Talk about serendipity. I was so happy.

The retirement party for our administrative assistant was really touching. She’s been working in the district for close to 30 years, and has been our school’s administrative assistant for almost all of them. We are truly losing the heart of our school and I can’t imagine how we’ll survive next year. They played some fun videos of flash mobs and other fun stuff we used to do, and showed a ton of pictures. She was not just our administrative assistant, she was everyone’s friend and she went on trips and celebrated with the staff constantly. I’m really sad to see her go, but was also really heartened by the send off. It reminded me that I really do love where I work, and that I could do more to be a part of the community.

Speaking of community, the dates for the dojo’s advanced retreat were announced and we all rushed to make reservations. It will be in early September, near Portland, Oregon and I’m really excited to go. That is another community that I am very grateful to be a part of, and I’m so happy that I can make it to this retreat, even though I don’t love the timing (as far as the school year goes).

Oh, and speaking of new plans in the next couple months, my sister announced she’s visiting in August for almost two weeks, and we thought it would be fun to go somewhere together for a few days (all of us, my family and our parents). She wants to float in a river and my family can get behind that so we need to figure out our plans ASAP. I’m excited she’s coming in August when I have a little more time; her January visits are always so hectic.

But back to real life, this week….

Yearbook distribution went well. Kids cannot receive yearbooks until all textbooks and other materials are returned to the library, so we haven’t distributed all of them. But! we’re really close.

Tomorrow I have three 35 minute classes, and then our staff party. I have a lot of work to do in my room tomorrow, but I think I can get it done. If not, I have until 1pm on Friday, and then we’re supposed to walk out of our classrooms and not return until the first professional development day in August. That might actually be kind of hard for me, but I’m trying to embrace it.

They are putting new heating/cooling systems in our spaces, and if the cooling system actually works, it will be worth moving all the furniture from one corner of my room on Friday. Fingers crossed that this an actual solution, not just some grand but useless gesture. Virtue signaling to teachers and parents is something our district does very well, and I wouldn’t put it past them to spend a bunch of money on a renovation that doesn’t actually solve the problem.

My doctor got back to me. She acknowledged my symptoms, and confirmed they were not, in and of themselves, of concern. She did list symptoms that should concern me, but I don’t have any of those. She also recommended an antioxidant, which I got. I will admit that one of symptoms bothers me most on a cosmetic level (my. eyes. are. so. puffy. all. the. time) though I was concerned that if left untreated the underlying issues would become more serious (if those other symptoms occur, that’s the case). It sounds like it probably won’t, as long as I eventually respond to my thyroid medicine again, which may finally be happening. I get my labs done again next week so I guess we’ll have more information then.

The 11yo has not loved his camp this week. It’s been challenging. We’ve worked through some hard feelings. Next week he has no camp. We’re hoping he can spend the night with his grandparents (ILs) in the first few days, then Thursday is Juneteenth and the husband is taking him to a Giants game. Friday, the 15yo’s two hour a day camp is off, so we three may go to Great America. I’m hoping it will be a good mix of activities and downtime for both me and the 11yo (the 15yo is loving her two hours of metal jewelry making, which she has for three weeks total).

I will say, I haven’t been to the dojo much to train and I’m missing it. I’m also getting BORED with my workouts at home. Thank goodness Peloton has so many different options that I like, so one day I can do a proper bike boot camp, but another I can do an Intervals and Arms ride (you stay on the bike with light weights), and later I can follow a Lanebreak ride with a strength class. I’ve also been on the elliptical twice this week (which you can thank for this post, and the last one!). Friday I’m hoping to run on my way home from work and Saturday I’ll be training at the dojo. Hopefully those two days will help me get out of my workout rut, because it’s been HARD to get my ass moving.

I have been sleeping a little better though. I guess it’s in the third week of an effective dose that I start feeling better. I should keep that in mind in the future, when lowering my dose doesn’t work again, or I’m having a flare.

The 15yo has REALLY been wanting to hang out, and of course I want to indulge her because I know one day I’ll be persona non grata and begging to take her to In-n-Out. We’re about to finish the third season of Ted Lasso and we need a new show. Any suggestions? She really loved Silo and Severance, so if you know of anything in that vein let me know! (I was thinking maybe Westworld, because I loved that, but also it’s not on MAX? Which honestly I need to cancel anyway because that shit is WAY too expensive).

My time on the elliptical is almost up, so I need to sign off. If it was not apparent from this post, I am feeling better than I was on Monday. The end really is in sight. Next week should provide some respite, even if it doesn’t provide the rest I ultimately need. (I almost forgot to mention that I finished the summer fun book! That was weighing on me, but it was easy to finish and I got a discount code that made it affordable to order, so it should be coming this weekend. Woot!). I have been doing so hard for so long that it will probably take a while for a more moderate pace to feel normal again. Honestly I’m hoping the ride some of this productivity wave into next week to get my closet organized and our bedroom area cleaned up. I think that could be doable without making me crazy. We shall see…

I feel like I’ve been sprinting a marathon and I can see the finish line, but I’m hitting the wall. Hard.

I’m just so tired and struggling so hard to make it to the end.

I know it’s a lot of things. I recognize each of them individually and know that together they are compounding the negative feelings exponentially.

The biggest weight is the volume of obligations I’ve tackled over the past six weeks. The yearbook. The belt test. Wrapping up collaborative characters and original stories. Completing the free reading program in four classes. Celebrations thrown for students. The 11yo’s 5th grade promotion. The 15yo’s birthday.

This Saturday I took three tween boys to a card show, hosted the 15yo’s family birthday, then hosted her friends’ for a spend the night. I left the house with the 11yo at 10am and returned home the girls’ dinner at 6:30pm and didn’t really stop at any point in between And it didn’t even seem like that crazy of a day! It felt like par for the course.

It’s just been too much. And for too long.

The news out of California is not helping. The fear I feel for our country is hard to engage. It makes me want to shut down, but I know I can’t. This administration has been in office for six months (barely!) and the damage that has been done is vast and probably irreparable. How does one process that?

My health is not stabilizing. New symptoms appear and I’m not sure if they should be attributed to my Grave’s disease, stress, of both. I email my doctor, but she doesn’t get back to me. I’m never sure when I should be truly alarmed or just annoyed. I oscillate between feeling scared for my immediate and future well being, and simply frustrated that I don’t have any answers. It’s exhausting and makes everything else I’m trying to manage a lot harder.

I know summer has started for most people, but here I am, limping to the finish line. I know Friday will eventually come, but I also know that I won’t wake up on Monday to a stress-free life. I think part of heaviness I’m feeling is knowing that even on the other side, when the immediate stressors are behind me, there will be plenty on my plate. Even when you sprint through a marathon, you still have to make your way back to your car, drive home, take a shower, and wake up to all your chores the next morning. That’s just life. I finished enough school years to know what’s waiting for me during the summer break, and it’s not the answer to all my problems.

But maybe a little space, and some time, will improve things more than I’m expecting…

This is all over the place – much like my life right now – so Buckle up.

Work

• Today is my final Friday (with students) of the school year. Yesterday was my last four-block, no-prep Thursday. Next week we have two normal school days and two six-period, minimum day (basically babysitting) school days, The end of the year is almost here!
• After feeling perpetually behind on scoring work and updating my gradebooks, I stayed up late last night and sloughed through a bunch of stuff. It feels good to feel somewhat caught up.
• We’re distributing yearbooks today (to the 8th graders) and Tuesday (to the 6th and 7th graders). Wish us luck.
• The 8th graders are out of their GD minds. The behaviors are exasperating. Managing the behaviors is exhausting. I’m so ready to say goodbye to them.
• I need to move a bunch of furniture from a corner of my room so a heating and cooling system can be installed. This fact is looming over me and causing me stress.

Home

• The kids’ last day was Wednesday. Yesterday my parents picked up the 11yo and took him to the county fair and then for a spend the night. The 14yo (for two more days!) was supposed to go, but instead stayed in the city to attend her good friend’s 8th grade promotion. (Can I say how much less stressful it is now that both kids can be home alone for significant amounts of time?! Loving that aspect of this age!)
• Tuesday was the 11yo’s 5th grade promotion. Both sets of grandparents attended and came back to our house after for lunch. The ceremony was lovely, but in the blazing sun and we all got sunburned.
• I am so thankful for the 11yo’s elementary experience . He transferred to a different school than the 14yo attended after the pandemic and it was a great fit for him and he made a ton of friends. Most of those friends are heading to the same middle school which is awesome.
• The city’s budget is a mess and layoffs were announced. The husband’s position is not being cut, but it’s stressful to manage the turmoil and he feels perpetually behind. He also finds extended family-gatherings really exhausting so I’ve been managing the fall out of the 11yo’s promotion and the anticipatory fall out of the (almost) 15yo’s birthday.
• We decided to have the grandparents’ at our house (instead of trying to find a restaurant that could accommodate us) late Monday night, which was stressful in the moment but means I have less cleaning to do for the (then) 15yo’s birthday tomorrow.

This weekend

• Tomorrow morning I’m taking the 11yo and a couple dojo friends to a cars show in South City. I’ve never picked up these kids or taken anyone to a card show, so I’m fairly anxious about the whole thing. We need to be back by 2pm for the (at that point) 16yo’s family birthday party with the grandparents. I need to grab flatbread pizzas from my friend’s restaurant in between. I’m not a fan of tight turn arounds like this, but hopefully it will go okay.
• The (almost) 15yo isn’t getting much. We considered a new computer since she stepped on her Chromebook and cracked the screen, but it still works and she has a school-issued Chromebook in better shape so we held off. We also considered getting her PADI scuba certified this summer and doing the open water certification dives in Maui, but decided to just do a couple discovery dives in Maui to see how she felt about it. I took her shopping last weekend and will take her again soon. I ordered her a couple silly shirts (that she knows about) and got her some LEGO flower sets (that she doesn’t know about). She’ll get some video game money for Marvel Rivals skins and some real money for whatever she wants. That’s about it.
• The 15yo’s two best friends are spending the night tomorrow, after the family birthday. Her only request was that there be no “you should really get to bed” messages coming from us, so the 11yo will spend the night with this grandparents (the IL’s this time), and the husband and I will stay downstairs for the evening. It should be a lot like any other sleep over with friends and I’m grateful for that.
• We have nothing on the docket for Sunday except the girls still being at our house and the 11yo eventually coming home. I hope to work on the summer fun photo book, because if I don’t get it ordered soon I won’t have them in time for our trip to St. Louis.

Personal

• I’ve been taking the higher dose of my thyroid medication for two weeks now and I’m feeling a little better. I’m still getting hot flushes but they’ve been less frequent. I’m still waking up a lot in the night, but I’m not tossing and turning as much. I feel like the brain fog is more intense this time, but maybe it’s just stress and hectic schedule. I really hope I start feeling better soon because this is exhausting. I’m also trying not to spiral about managing this for the next two years and keeping my focus on the immediate future.
• I got my red belt and it feels good to wear it. The teaching schedule at the dojo this month has required a lot of coverage and I’ve been stepping in quite a bit. I definitely feel a lot more comfortable on the mat and it’s clear the teachers and parents appreciate my presence. Obviously I am bringing a lot of school experience to my teaching style there, and I feel pretty natural standing in front of a class and knowing what to say next. It’s nice to feel like I’m good at something and like my efforts are appreciated.

• I figured out that I have a new (or much worse allergy) to a perennial weed that grows (ALL OVER) our backyard. It’s called Parietaria judaica (colloquially, wall pellitory) and it’s always been my biggest op because it sticks like velcro to freaking everything. But lately, when it just grazes my skin as I pass it, it causes an immediate reaction (redness and welts), and the other day I suffered a systemic reaction after pulling a bunch of it out of the walls in our backyard (I was FULLY covered, but should have been wearing N-95 a mask). I took some Benedryl and passed out early, and it confirmed my suspicion that this is the new (to-me) allergen that has been making me miserable in the spring (especially), summer, and fall. I’ve always hated that stuff, but it has never made me react like I did on Tuesday to it. I’m not sure if I can add it to my allergy shot, but that requires I start coming once a week again and I’m not ready to commit to that anyway.

• I’ve also been having ocular migraines again, which I believe are related to stress and dehydration. I’m writing down when I get them and for how long, and I plan to call my doctor about them next week if they continue.

Oh, and I got my computer back! Hilariously I wrote most of this on my phone in my bed when I woke up at 530am this morning. But! I did finish it on the computer so that felt nice. It’s sooooo good to have this computer back. I’m very grateful that it was fixable, and that my work paid to fix it for me!

I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend, and a fabulous start to summer (if summer is something that “starts” for you). I’m soooo ready for summer at this point.

Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss writing posts in WordPress. Their interface has never been my favorite (especially after the invent of “blocks”) but it sure does beat typing in a document or email and then pasting it back into the app on my phone. No thank you. Unsubscribe.

But at least I can type posts on a computer (instead of my phone), which I appreciate. That is one of the things keeping me sane these days. Oh, and that my ocular migraine this morning only last two block periods. Thank the universe for that. Here are a few others I’m appreciating these days.

A clean(ish) house. On Sunday, after my 9-hour belt test, I woke up and was struck by what a dumpster fire my house was. Everywhere I looked I saw mess and filth. And I no longer had the excuse of my belt test looming to put it off. So, I got to work. I did my regular weekend chores of vacuuming all the floors and shaking out the rugs, but I also cleaned both bathroom floors (and counters/sinks/toilets), and parts of the kitchen, and vacuumed the downstairs and changed all the sheets. Our downstairs bathroom was especially gross and I’ve been so pleased to walk into it this week, and to revel in the clear and clean counter tops and the sparkling floor. It sucked to spend so many hours after my big test cleaning, but once it was done I felt even more stress fall off me.

 

The belt ceremony this Saturday. The black belts got their stripes and the high red belts got their black belts at the test, but the rest of us have to wait until the belt ceremony, which is this Saturday. I am really excited to get my red belt, which was made by the founder’s mother and has my name embroidered on it. Red belts at our dojo are no joke. I’ve been training for this for seven years and I’ve been training especially hard the last two years. I am honored to receive this belt, and to have my effort and service recognized. You probably won’t be surprised to learn that I rarely feel appreciated at work, where it can seem like most of my middle schoolers are more interested in avoiding my efforts than appreciating them, and I love feeling seen and recognized by my peers at the dojo. Also, red belts get to train in t-shirts, so no heavy gi jacket when I’m hot! (I’ll never forget when I was a yellow belt and saw someone training without their gi jacket on. I immediately took off mine and marveled at how nice it felt to train without it. Except someone promptly told me that only red belts (and above) could train without their jackes and I remember being so disheartened because I was sure that I would never, NEVER be a red belt. I wonder what yellow-belt me would think about this Saturday’sbelt ceremony. She would probably be stunned.

 

Summer is coming. Next week I have four work days (I’m missing Tuesday for the 11yo’s 5^th grade promotion). The following week I have four work days with students, but one I’ll be at Great America (with the 8^thgraders) and two are 1-6 minimum days where the students will be signing yearbooks and I’ll be packing up part of my room. The hard part now is striking that delicate balance of having engaging activities for them to do next week, but not needing to score any of it. I have a few ideas, and I hope they pan out. The best news is I didn’t have to cover Preterite past tense this year in the 1B classes which means we have some breathing room, instead of a giant test coming up. Woot!

 

June (un) gloom? (WHERE IS THE STRIKETHROUGH WORDPRESS SERIOUSLY?!) June is generally really foggy in the city, hence, “June gloom,” but this June we have some fun stuff on the docket. Honestly right now I feel a little panicked looking at our June calendar (which I put on the white board last weekend because I needed to see everything up there), but I’m trying to remind myself that most of the stuff on there is fun, and doesn’t require massive time commitments or effort leading up to them. Even the turning-15yo’s birthday should be relatively easy on the 7^th. We’ll have the grandparents over in the early afternoon, then her two best friends will spend the night after the 11yo goes home with the in-laws). The almost 15yo doesn’t want much for her birthday, so I’m not even stressing about presents. And yes, 8^th grade promotion at my school is a little stressful (I’m reading names this year!), but I’ve done it (literally) twenty times before so I know how it goes. I’m trying to keep June light, and get excited about St. Louis and the farm (we fly there on the final weekend of the month). 

Books and TV. I finished Un Mundo Sin Fin! 50 hours in Spanish! I ended up really liking the last 20 hours after picking it up again. I’ll def listen to later Pillars of the Earth installments (there are four?!), but am taking a break for now. I’m really liking the audiobook of Light from Uncommon Stars, but I’m also reading it in bed some nights. I started a new Dolores Redondo audiobook (Todo esto te daré) and it’s shaping up to be the crime thriller she writes so well. The 15yo and I are watching the third season of Ted Lasso and she’s joining me periodically on my Secret Lives of Mormon Wives binge (I only watch while I’m working). The 11yo and I are listening to Ready Player One, which I loved the first time (and he’s reading Hunger Games, which he likes!) The husband and I finished the final season of The Righteous Gemstones (that show is consistently amazing and I loved the ending). I realized the Murderbot audio novelas are on Hoopla so I can plow through them without waiting. I’m on #3 and am really enjoying them. Oh, and I got three episodes into Eternaut, a Chilean end-of-days drama on Netflix and really liked it. The husband is at a concert this Sat and I plan to continue (or finish?) it. Finally the family took a break on the Fast and the Furious franchise to pick up Mission Impossible (after watching Edge of Tomorrow first, which everyone loved). We started on MI:4 and have watched MI:5 and let me tell you, they are very watchable movies. Absolutely no character development, but the stunts and effects are amazing. Also, Tom Cruise is not hard to look at (and a very young Rebecca Fergueson thrilled the 14yo and I in Rogue Nation). I will admit that having stuff to watch and listen to really helps me manage stressful stretches. I’m thankful for all this entertainment right now

Oh hey there! It’s been hella long, but here I am just slipping into your reader, like it hasn’t been almost THREE WEEKS weeks since I last posted. (A post that itself was two weeks after the one before it.)

A lot has been going on. I mean A LOT. First, I got the yearbook done. I officially released it on Sunday night (5/18) and the next morning I woke up and though of everything I needed to review for my red belt test that coming weekend. I was at the dojo every night, except for Wednesday when I was stuck in my classroom until 7pm for our Celebration of Learning (fka Open House). This required I clean up my classroom, which can get pretty messy. By 5pm I started throwing sheets over the worst messes, and focused on creating a slide show that would automatically advance after a video played, but it never worked (I think the videos had to be embedded from YouTube, and couldn’t be from drive). 

At some point during the week, I recognized the return of my overactive thyroid symptoms. I was about two weeks into a halved dose of my medication, and was really bummed out to understand that it clearly wasn’t able to manage my thyroid. I emailed my doctor at the start of the week, but I did so as a response to her original email instructing me to halve my dose., When she hadn’t gotten back to me a few days later I sent a separate email and she responded to that one quickly, telling me to go back to my original dose, but by then my symptoms had gotten worse. So now I’m supposed to take my meds like before for fours more weeks, then I’ll get blood work done again and I guess we’ll decide next steps then. I’m not sure what it means that our first attempt to reduce my dose went awry so quickly. I guess this is what the next two years will be like. I will say, having been granted a reprieve from the nightly hot flushes, poor sleep and consistently high heart rate, it really sucked to feel so badly again. Especially since my big belt test was that week.

My belt test on Saturday was nine hours long. I got to the dojo at 9am and was waiting at the bus stop to go home at 7pm. It was a long exhausting day. I did well. I’m proud of how I showed up. The sparring session was really rough and after one person did something scary (but ultimately fine) to my left knee, a female black belt punched me in the face multiple times. We don’t really punch each other in the face at our dojo, but they spar harder in Seattle. I will admit that I cried (more from emotional overwhelm than the pain) and it took me about an hour to pull myself together. Long, high belt tests are always as emotionally grueling as they are physically demanding and this one was no different. I was so, so SO glad when it was over. 

 

Sunday morning I woke up with a huge weight lifted. The yearbook was printing. Celebration of Learning was done. The belt test was over. My parents came to get kids around noon and the husband and I spent all day eating and drinking in various neighborhoods of the city. It was so nice to hang out and reconnect with him. We left home at 1pm and didn’t get back until 9 that evening. We watched the final episode of The Righteous Gemstones (that show is so good) and passed out. Except I didn’t. I couldn’t sleep for hours. It sucked. I really hope that my overactive thyroid symptoms resolve again soon.

 

Monday was book club. I almost finished the book (Just Mercy, a non-apologetic look at how this country – and especially the South – weaponizes the justice system (specifically the death sentence) to destroy the lives of black, brown and impoverished people, especially children and the mentally disabled. It was hard to read, but we can’t look away from the reality of this country..

I had to pick the next book and I went with Light from Uncommon Stars because it’s SFPL’s One City Same Page pick for May – June, and I’ve had it on my to-read lists for a long time (I have no idea why I originally put it there, to be honest). 

I am very thankful that this week has been a short one at work. Today (Wednesday), I threw my annual Tamales y Mole party for the students who went above and beyond requirements to complete everything offered on their free reading boards. 

 

It was, as everything seems to be in my life lately, a comedy of errors. Someone drank a bunch of the Jarritos I put in the staff room fridge, even though I used the “personal items – do not touch” fridge. My 6^th grade advisory was supposed to be outside with their 8^th grade leaders, but that was cancelled (and no one told me), so they were in my room while I was trying to set up (for a party they were not invited to).  Despite putting the tamales in the oven for an hour, some were still barely warm. The Jarritos were not twist open and while I was thankful the cooler I was borrowing had a bottle opener, it didn’t work great so I had to open all 35 students’ bottles and many of them sprayed all over me. (I really cannot overstate how much soda was on my hair, face and clothes after this). The party was stressful and short and then it was over and I had a ton of work to do to clean it up. 

That event was the final “big, difficult thing you need to get done” in a long line of big, difficult things I needed to get done (did I mention the pizza party for the yearbook clubs last Wednesday, that was almost ruined when I called three different pizza places that couldn’t deliver pizzas to us by 11am? I hadn’t even thought of that when I scheduled the party for our minimum day when we have a really early lunch). There are still a couple annoying things to get done at work, but overall it should down hill until the last day of the school year (June 12^th with students).

I still haven’t gotten my work computer back, and I haven’t taken my external hard drive somewhere to see if they can get my entire digital life off it (have I mentioned this? That my back up external hard drive, that has ALL THE PHOTOS AND VIDEOS I’ve ever taken of my kids, won’t show up on any computers?) I finally broke down and recreated a bunch of documents that I needed this past weekend so I could officially bring the free reading program to a close. I forgot to ask them to install Firefox on this loaner, which is part of why I haven’t posted in so long, because Firefox is generally my “personal” browser (where all my personal passwords are stored) and Chrome is my work browser, and I’ve been doing everything personal on my phone while I wait for my work computer to come back (the third-party vendor fixing it is waiting for parts). I’m actually writing this in a Word document (::face palm::) and then I guess I’ll email it to myself (from my work email to my regular email) and then I’ll paste it into WordPress. I suppose if you’re reading this sentence then it worked!

Sorry I’ve been away so long! And that I haven’t been commenting. I’m not always reading posts when they go up but I am catching up eventually. I hope my next post will be in the next few days and not the next few weeks. Fingers crossed.

Oh hey there. It’s been a while. Over two weeks?! Oopsie.

Life has been moving at a brisk pace. The weight of my obligations right now can feel crushing, but I’ve done a good job of stopping when I start to spiral and picking one thing to focus on and getting it done, without much negative internal talk. I’ve been surprised by how well I’ve been handing the stress, and when people ask me if I’m feeling better (as the weeks on my new medication add up), I say yes, but it’s not really that I feel physically better (my sleep is still garbage some weeks and my heart rate is still high without the beta blockers), but it’s more an emotional resilience that I could not count on since November that is now – dare I say it – unwavering. It’s been very much appreciated.

And I feel confident that I’m managing things better because there has been a LOT to manage, and I’ve moved through a lot of challenging situations with a fair amount of grace. One Tuesday I took the 11yo and his friend to the dojo in the car, but then they got a ride home early with the friend’s dad so I went home alone. I always take the bus to the dojo when I’m alone, so that night I took the bus back, and didn’t remember that I had driven there until my stop. My husband was out that night, so I had to walk home, get the 11yo in bed, grab some food and catch the bus back to the dojo to get my car. This was at 9pm and I was so tired, but I laughed it off instead of crying like I would have done last month.

This past week I lost my water bottle (right after I bought replacement parts for it, then my work computer died (maybe from over use due to the yearbook?!), also my husband was out of town and I got a gnarly cold (again! I was just sick in April!) Oh and a parent who used to do yearbook, but decided to step away this year, showed up and started changing everything and emailing parents she thought I hadn’t gotten baby photos from, even though I had and just generally created chaos and stress and more work for me. Even with all that, I felt really even keeled, and got a ton done. My 1B classes filmed their final (ever!) video skits and we got the yearbook to a place where I think it will be ready next Wednesday without me pulling an all-nighter.

Oh and the 14yo swam in All City yesterday and qualified for finals today! So I’m writing this on my phone in between her events! She was kind of shocked to qualify for JV as a freshman (she was 8th, so she just made it, for both events) and this morning required some pep talks, but she is here now and excited to participate.

You may remember that my red-belt test is in two weeks. It sucked to miss class all week (because of my cold), but the lead teacher was also out (with a detached retina!) so it was a good week to miss. I feel able to really appreciate that kind of coincidence right now, which is good.

I got my allergy shot on Thursday and it was exactly one month from the initial blood draw ordered by my Endocrinologist, so I went to the lab again. One of my thyroid markers was already in normal range (T4 was 1.6 and 0.5-1.7 is normal), another was still a little high (T3 was 187 when 50-170 is normal) so she is decreasing my dose. She also ordered FHS and Estradiol and both were post-menopausal numbers. I’m not sure why she ordered those labs this time – and I believe you need multiple tests results to confirm menopause – but it was kind of a relief to see those numbers and know that I am most probably post-menopausal (I was initially confused with my symptoms and attributed them to perimenopause, despite having thought I was already past all that, so it’s nice to know I probably had the right I idea before). I wonder if being post-menopausal changes how she’ll manage my Grave’s Disease, or if it affects the interpretation of other values. I’m just glad my thyroid is responding to the medication and that she is decreasing the dose accordingly. I will ask her more about it when I email back to confirm the change in dosage.

I have gained back all the weight I lost already, but I’m also learning to listen to my body’s hunger cues again, and to recognize when I’m not hungry. I didn’t realize how hungry I was all the time before, or how much my eating habits had changed, but things feel more familiar now and I appreciate that. I obviously hope I don’t keep gaining weight, but I recognize it’s highly probable and accepting it as best I can.

The 14yo is going to swim again, and then we’re eating at a family favorite nearby so I’m going to publish this before my hiatus stretches to three weeks. Please know that I’m reading blogs (sometimes late but I am reading them!) even if I’m not commenting and thinking of all of you.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day but I feel weird wishing it to people who are not in my own family. I asked my mom if we could push our day together back so I could work on school stuff and the year book and she obliged. My husband says he’s “giving me the day,” but we’ll see if that happens, and I may ask the kids to ride their bikes with me at the Great Highway while I run if the weather is nice. (Oh I went for a run! It was just three miles but it felt decent! I guess that is an example of actually feeling better). So we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I hope you all spend the day in a way that feels good you. I know it’s a complicated day for many people.

And now I’m for real going to press publish. For real for real.

This is not a great era for me, but of course there are bright spots, and I want to make sure to recognize them, for my own sake as much as yours.

Book club was nice. We had differing views on the book which makes for a lively discussion. Also the food was delicious.

Easters was fun! My parents put out a lovely spread and we ate leisurely before the kids went outside to look for eggs. We had BEAUTIFUL weather – it was almost too hot to stay in the backyard! The kids are old enough that they don’t get stressed about the egg hunt and my parents have chilled out enough that they can enjoy the time with us instead of trying to host. It’s nice not to sit down for a meal, but to hang out in the kitchen for a little bit. It was just a nice way to spend a few hours, and I can remember back to when family holidays were NOT nice ways to spend a few hours, so I’m reveling in this one.

We met up with my friend and her family at a little parklet and played kickball with them and it was really fun. My family does not generally play ball games out in the wild, but we all rallied and had a great time. Definitely better than trying to talk while the younger kids (my friends’) interrupted to play and the older kids (mine) interrupted to complain.

Getting new tires put on the car at Costco was not hard at all. It took a little longer than they said, but honestly, the experience was very positive (I didn’t even need “I’m saving $1K” mindset that I planned to fall back on to lubricate long wait times or other inconveniences). I will definitely do it again.

I discovered Lanebreaks on my Peleton bike and it’s been so fun to get in 15-30 minute rides this week while I’m doing the Upper Body with Tunde program. I definitely miss Bike Bootcamps, and am looking forward to starting them up again next week (when I’m done with the strength program), but it was so nice to find rides I wanted to do in the meantime. I don’t know why, but I’m just not that interested in having someone talk to me on the bike for 20-30 minutes, and have struggled to stay on for longer than 15 minutes in the past. Now I’m eager to do 20 or even 30 minutes playing the Lanebreak game, where you move across the lanes as you change resistance, have to up your pace in some areas, and complete output bursts in others, all to fun music. I started in “Hard” and quickly moved to “Challenging” and find myself at way higher resistances than I ever attempted in regular classes. It’s been really fun, and I’m really happy I discovered them. My son even tried and really likes it! They’ve gamified exercise everyone, and we’re here for it.

Taking the cats to the vet was not awful. Panther yowled the ENTIRE ride there and back, but neither needed shots or other services so we were in and out pretty quickly. Panther’s red eye only requires monitoring, thank goodness (I was somewhat worried they were going to tell me I should have brought her in sooner) and they were kind about recommending we watch Serval’s weight. He does continue to gain weight, so I think they’re right that we should try to at least get him to a place where his weight is stable. We have some first steps to take there, and he’s not going to like them, but he’ll be okay.

I got a couple 6.5 hour nights of sleep! This may sound awful, but when you’re averaging under 6 you’ll celebrate the extra half hour I promise. Last night I got under six hours again, and I could feel it. I just want to see that number get bigger.

I randomly remembered that I never finished Kevin Follet’s World Without End (Un Mundo Sin Fin) in Spanish) so I started it up again and it feels kind of perfect for right now. It was a great time to come back to the book, plot wise, and there hasn’t been anything I can’t remember. The plague just came to Kingsbridge, which is stressful and is putting a bit of a damper on my happiness to “pick up the book” again, but I’m hoping the carnage (to the main characters) wouldn’t be too severe. I love when I am actually excited to continue a book that I stopped reading for whatever reason. Woot!

I also LOVED the fisrt of the three Chip Zdarsky Batman comics I got. My Batman comic obsession was before even my oldest blog, so I don’t think I’ve written much (anything?) about it anywhere, but lets just say I used to read a LOT of Batman comics and I haven’t picked one up in over a decade, and this story has been really fun to read. It has everything I LOVE about Batman, and the art is fantastic.

The high school teacher came and administered the placement test to my 8th graders today, and they did a good job. I was really worried they would be disrespectful, or freak out, but they listened and were clearly trying their best. The test was also a lot less difficult than I, and the students (from what I gathered) expected. I did not get anything done while they took it, and ended up losing time talking to the high school teacher, but I was really nervous for this and I’m relieved it’s over.

Oh and my school printer still works even though a little piece broke off. And the off-brand ink cartridge I got works! (I think you can fill in the blanks on this one.)

I have SOOOOOO much coming up in May (the yearbook is due, the free reading program will end and I’ll be hosting a tamale party for the students who black out their boards, all the classes will invent and film their final video skits, parents will come to see all the video skits during our Celebration of Learning, and finally I’ll be testing for my red belt. EEK!Honestly, thinking about it all makes me kind of panicky so I’m trying to identify what I can and should do in the next week and attempting to keep the rest of it out of my head. I’m also trying to embrace the fact that there will be little to no downtime for the next 4-5 weeks, and remind myself that in mid-June my summer break starts. I can lock in for 4-5 weeks.

I meant to post this much earlier and now everyone will read it on Friday, but it’s not a Five on Friday post and you know what, that is okay. Because no one cares, and I shouldn’t either.

Physical

I got a FitBit Inspire 3 to track my heart rate and sleep. It came Sunday and I’ve been wearing it ever since. On Monday and Tuesday my heart rate was pretty consistently between 110-120 (normal resting heart rate is 60-100 and mine used to be closer to 60). I was kind of shocked. Has it been that high for months and I just didn’t realize it? One thing I’ve learned wearing the FitBit is that I can’t tell what my heart rate is at any given moment. Sometimes I’m sure it will be fast and it is, but many times I’m just as sure and it isn’t. It’s kind of disheartening to realize how not in tune with my body I am.

The good news is that my heart rate has come down this week. I started taking a beta blocker at night, to see if it would help me sleep better (the reasoning being that if my heart is not racing, my body might rest better), so it could just be that. Or it could be that my medicine is starting to work. The doctor said it would take several weeks to see symptoms improve so I’m not sure what is going on. I’m not taking the beta blocker twice a day, so maybe things are improving generally? I guess it doesn’t really matter, and I appreciate seeing my heart rate under 100 a lot more during the day.

Sleep

This is the one symptom I am DESPERATE to see improve. I have not been surprised to see my sleep hovering around 6 hours (Sunday and Monday mornings it was a little lower, the rest of the week it was a couple minutes higher than six), despite going to bed 7.5-8 hours before I need to wake up. It takes me forever to fall asleep and then I wake up over and over again in the night, and toss and turn before I fall asleep. I really hope this gets better, and I hope the FitBit sleep data helps me really see that it’s improving.

Emotional

I will admit, it was a pretty shitty week for me emotionally. My husband has been really distant, which hasn’t helped, but I had my own stuff going on too. Everyone has been so thrilled that I have a diagnosis that is treatable, but I have not felt that way myself. While I am somewhat shocked that my blood tests showed what is causing my symptoms (no such blood test could ever confirm I was in perimenopause or menopause or confirm past depressive episodes or my ADHD diagnosis), and am relieved there is medication to help control my condition, I have not felt particularly relieved.

Part of the reason this diagnosis does not feel positive is because I will have it the rest of my life, but the most important aspect is that it might flare and “go quiet,” requiring continued monitoring of my thyroid hormone levels and tweaking of my medication. The thought of monitoring this forever does not bring me much relief. I was assuming that was the main reason I was having such a hard time with it.

Later this week I recognized that my biggest anxieties were around my weight, because as my thyroid activity changes my weight will fluctuate and that means I’ll be thinking about my weight and I just really don’t want to. I’ve written before about my decades of disordered eating, and what incredible piece of mind it has been to find an exercise and eating regimen that allows me to just let all of that go. My weight certainly still fluctuates, and I usually realize it because of how my clothes fit, so it’s not really the simple fact that my weight will go up that is bothering me. I think ultimately it’s the realizing that it won’t matter what I eat or how much I move, that this one little gland in my body will be the biggest determinant my weight. And yes I know it always has, but I had found a routine that worked and now it feels like that routine won’t be effective and it gives me a lot of anxiety. I feel like I was on firm ground and now I’m free falling. I realize all of this is just construction in my head that don’t actually represent reality, but it’s been hard to pull away the curtain and start to build a new relationship with my body.

Work

Going back to work was hard. The post-spring break push to the end of the year is always hard, and this year is proving to be no different. The kids are testing boundaries constantly and more dramatically. I have to send a student out of the room and then when I spoke with him in the office he doubled down on all his choices. It’s going to be a loooong push to mid-June. The yearbook is coming along but still causing me significant stress. People have so many questions and I don’t have the answers to any of them. The woman I’m working with doesn’t do much unless I ask her to. I’m clearly the person running everything, but I’m only getting half the stipend. It’s just a stressful addition to a stressful time of year. I have a lot to cover in all my classes so I can’t really chill out or “let it go” either. Basically I’m just counting the weeks.

Home

One thing I appreciate about my diagnosis is understanding why I’ve been so tired and giving myself grace for how little I’ve gotten done lately. Sadly, I can give myself all the grace in the world and it won’t make my kitchen floor any cleaner. I’m going to show the kids how to clean the bathroom floors and shower this weekend (they already clean the sink and the toilet), so at least I’ll have help on that. I’m trying to at least keep things neat, but even picking up feels hard these days. I keep thinking I’ll wait until summer to do a big clean, but that is a long way away.

I have big errands this week – new tires at Costco on Monday and vet appointments for both cats on Wednesday. I try to do that kinds of stuff during my break, but I didn’t realize you need to order the tires ahead of time at Costco, and the vet was closed last week. Serval is almost 15 lbs so I’m not looking forward to the vet, but one of Panther’s eyes is weirdly reddish so I’m glad I’m finally getting them seen.

Friends & Family

Things between the husband and I aren’t great, but I think they’re getting better. The 14yo didn’t get an internship she applied for, but is really enjoying high school swim. The 11yo is taking state tests, and has started hanging out with a friend from the dojo. I talked to my sister this morning for the first time in forever. I’ll be seeing my parents tomorrow for Easter.

This afternoon I have book club (I liked this month’s book (Harlem Rhapsody) and LOT more than last month’s (The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store). I’ve really enjoyed my current audiobook (Esperando al diluvio – Dolores Redondo). I finished Legion before it left Hulu (the first season is so good, the second is meh, and the third is good, I’m glad I made it all the way through this time), and have been liking Long Bright River (on Peacock I think?) I got some Chip Zdarsky Batman comics yesterday that look amazing (I promise it’s not worth writing out why…) Tomorrow we’re going to my parents’ house for our annual Easter Egg hunt, and hopefully to see a friend who’s in town from New York. Next Saturday I’m going to something fun with a friend. It’s nice to have a couple small things to look forward to before summer.

I need to work out before book club, so I’m going to press publish on this. Otherwise I’ll need to think of a seventh thing for Seven on Sunday… 😉

I did not have the same Spring Break as my kids, so this week wasn’t very exciting. But I’m still going to tell you about it! Ha! (Seriously, it a long one. You might want to find a comfortable seated position.)

Saturday

I wasn’t planning on going to the dojo because I was still feeling a little sick from whatever I got on Thursday. This was good, because my two friends and I went to the Hands Off! Protest downtown. We met on BART and walked over to Civic Center with our signs. There was a lot of people there and the weather was beautiful. It felt nice to be doing something productive to express my rage. We didn’t march, and it felt a little disorganized, but I’m glad we attended.

Walking around, I was struck by how many different things people were mad about. Usually protests are for one thing, or a cluster of related concerns, but it felt like every where I looked I saw a sign expressing outrage over something different. I ended up writing a list for myself so I could share it here: Trump, Musk, Gaza, Ukraine, Federal workers, Social Security, LGBTQ rights (mostly specifically Trans rights), Immigration/ICE, DOGE, Fascism, National Parks, Autism Awareness, Unions, Science, NPR , Russia/Putin, Vaccines, Due process, Tariffs, Nazis, Women’s Rights. Seeing all the concerns written out like that really helped me legitimize the anxiety spiral I’ve been in lately. Everything is under attack, I’m not catastrophizing, it’s really this bad.

Bach at home, the 14yo already had a friend over and the 11yo was getting picked up by his grandparents. Another friend joined the girls and the two of them spent the night. The husband and I stayed downstairs and watched the new Nosferatu (very good – recommend).

Sunday

The husband took the 11yo to a Giants game and the girls stayed over pretty much all day. At 5pm I picked the baseball fans up, then drove the girls home. I spend the day getting some work done, picking up around the house and just chilling, as I still didn’t feel great. I honestly can’t remember anything else we did on Sunday…

Monday

One of the things that sucks about having a different break than my kids, is I still have to get up at 6:30am to get the 14yo up and eating breakfast. One of the good things about having a different break from my kids, is that after the early morning, I have several hours to myself. Sometimes I use those hours for rest and relaxation, but a lot of times I use them to get shit done.

Monday was a get shit done day! It was ERRANDS AND APPOINTMENT! I had to get my allergy shot at 12:15pm, so I planned to get stuff done before that. I took the 11yo to school (a special treat when I’m off and he’s not), then came home and did about an hour of work. At 10am I headed out with the intention of crossing many items of my to-do list. I got the $9 bakers dozen at Noah’s (a special on Mondays if you have the app), socks for the 11yo at Ross, and food for ALL the pets at PetCo (yes, that also means worms for the bearded dragon). I also returned several items of clothing that had been cluttering up the entryway and car for weeks. All in the same shopping center area! This all felt like a huge win.

I was able to get my shot a little early, then I hit up Grocery Outlet before I went home. I had to pick up the 14yo early from school on Monday for her physical (her high school athletic release was expiring, so if we didn’t get it done she’d have to stop swimming) then grab the 11yo (who needed his second HPV shot), then head over to a DIFFERENT Kaiser building for their appointments. I rescheduled the 14yos appointment to Monday forgetting I taught at the dojo that night, so I was super stressed about the timing, but somehow – even though I FORGOT TO BRING THE PAPERWORK for the athletic clearance- we got home with just enough time for me to be walking into the dojo when my class started (so late, but not where is she? late).

Then I taught Forms and Basics at the dojo, got home, and promptly passed out. (I actually slept HORRIBLY Monday night, but at least I feel asleep quickly). Monday was a packed day, but I appreciated getting all that stuff out of the way.

Tuesday

Tuesday I had an appointment with my GP (actually someone filling in for her), but the husband needed the car to drive to Sacramento, so after I dropped the 11yo off at school, I just started walking toward the doctor’s office (where I had been the day before with the kids!). It’s 3 miles between the 11yo’s school and the medical building, and I walked almost all of it (I jumped on a bus for 4 blocks in the middle because I was worried I’d be late otherwise). I took a bunch of pictures of the walk, thinking I could post in a Cool Bloggers Walking Club post, but we all know I won’t manage that, so I’m posting them here. (If I’m only going to post once a week, it better be a good post, amiright?)

I got there early, they called me in late, I talked to the doctor for a while (her name was Noemi!), and I had to get labs done, so I ended up being there for almost two hours! While I don’t love burning spring break time at a medical building, I definitely appreciate not spending two hours there after a long work day.

The doctor thought I was probably gluten-intolerant, which honestly bummed me out SO BAD. I cried SEVERAL times that day considering a life without most of my favorite foods (pizza, pasta, bread, baked goods, ramen, udon, even burritos come in a flour tortilla and hamburgers have a bun!). I was honestly kind of a mess the whole day. All I managed to do was work out and score reading responses. I got some of my labs back that night and the one thing I was deficient in was Magnesium! But I take a supplement for that! No wonder I have been crying so easily lately. I’m definitely upping my Magnesium intake.

Wednesday

I forgot to mention on Monday and Tuesday that my cold was still a thing, and my voice was shot. I was coughing a fair amount, but it was all coming from my throat, not my lungs. I could barely talk on Tuesday (I went to the doctor’s office with a mask on, which helped mask the fact that I teared up a couple times while talking about my symptoms).

Tuesday night I slept horribly AGAIN, so Wednesday morning I was feeling pretty bad. I was exhausted, my voice was still shot, and my hips were crazy sore from teaching basics (you do the kicks in slow motion and hold the extensions; it always makes me sore, but I hadn’t been in a while so this was next level). I was supposed to meet my parents for lunch and a walk (the weather was supposed to be beautiful), but I texted to cancel. Then an hour later, after I’d coughed up the nights grossness and my hips warmed up, I text to say let’s do it. So we did!

I hit up Costco that morning because I thought Wednesday morning it would be empty, but it was the start of the “coupon book” which means new things were discounted and it was PACKED. I was so bummed out. I love going to Costco in the middle of the workday when it’s empty, but instead it felt like Sunday before SuperBowl. No thank you!

Even with my crazy Costco run, I got work done before my parents came, then we hit up Mission Chinese (my favorite, but it’s so expensive so I love when they treat me there!), then we walked at my favorite running park, which I haven’t been to in ages because I feel bad when I run now.

The walk was beautiful and it was so nice to talk to my parents, whom I haven’t really spend quality time with in ages. My hips felt fine after I started walking and I’m so glad I didn’t actually cancel on them.

I made it to the dojo Wednesday night, and my hips felt okay! I was so tired by the end of high belt though. Just exhausted. I slept REALLY well Wednesday night – six hours straight through. I didn’t even wake up to pee! I cannot remember the last time I slept six straight hours.

Thursday

Okay, so one thing I didn’t mention above, is that before my parents took me out to lunch, while I was working, my doctor called me back to tell me some lab results explained what was going on. Evidently I have hyperthyroidism. That is what has been causing all my symptoms – especially feeling shitty on runs and sleeping like shit! I have to say I was so shocked to be given a definite answer, and so thankful that I probably wasn’t gluten intolerant, that I was mostly relieved. We made an appointment with an endocrinologist for Thursday, I read some stuff about it online, and I assumed I’d be taking some medicine for a little while to get my thyroid back on track, and all would be well.

Before my appointment on Thursday, I had to take the car in to be serviced. I knew I needed new tires, so on Monday I went to Costco and asked what it would cost to put four new tires on my car. They quoted me $1K (and explained how to do it with them). I’m so glad I did that because the Chevy place quoted me DOUBLE THAT! The guy was like, I don’t know what tires they are selling you there and I was like MICHELIN and that shut him up.

I had to walk to the BART station after that, and it ended up being a longer walk than expected and I was TIRED, but I did take some pictures.

At home I did MORE WORK! I have been re-watching the first two seasons of Legion on Hulu to finally watch the third season and on Thursday I saw an “Exp. 13 Days” tag on the show, which means I only have that much time to finish it before it leaves the service. Aak!

The car was ready before they told me it would be and it was stressful to get back there, pick it up, and return home before my video visit, but I manage to log in on time.

I will say, I really like my Endocrinologist. She was the right balance of serious and silly (this seems like a weird word, but she had a way about her that seemed almost silly but put me at ease). She had me touch my neck to see if it was sore, but it wasn’t (and it’s not enlarged) so she doubts I have a growth causing the hyperthyroidism. There is short-term hyperthyroidism, but that usually lasts no more than eight weeks, and since I’ve been having symptoms since December, she doubts it’s that. That mean I probably have Grave’s Disease, which is an autoimmune disease where your body attacks the thyroid keeping it perpetually in the “on” position. If I have Grave’s Disease, I will have it forever. And I will have to take medicine to slow down my thyroid for the rest of my life.

She added a test to my blood work to confirm her diagnosis, but she says it’s highly likely that is what I have. The test won’t be back for 5-6 days, but she wrote me the prescription anyway so I could start taking it. I guess I’ll take it for a month and then get blood work again to see that it’s working and how well, and then she’ll decide if the dose needs to be changed. And then we’ll keep going like that, and I’ll be getting blood work done pretty regularly to monitor it.

She also prescribed beta blockers because my heart rate has evidently been high – it was 100bpm on Tuesday, even after I spent 15+ minutes in the waiting room. She was surprised I wasn’t noticing my heart racing, but I honestly haven’t. I don’t notice it now, even though I’ve checked a couple times and it’s hovering around 100bpm.

I will say that I’m pretty bummed out to have a disease that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I’m definitely processing it. (I am VERY relieved it’s probably not gluten-intolerance though! Ha!) And I’m trying to focus on the fact that in a couple weeks I’ll be feeling better and the symptoms I’ve been experiencing should go away. I’m excited to gain some weight back (I hadn’t mentioned this because it’s weird to complain about unwanted weight loss but I’m 5’8″ and 126 pounds right now. It’s not a good look, and honestly some days my face looks skeletal. I’ve been trying to eat more but it wasn’t helping. Now I know why!), regain muscle mass, exercise (especially run) without feeling fatigued, sleep better, have fewer GI issues, even the hot flashes were probably related (I was realizing even before my appointment that they mostly happen when I do a quick bout of physical work, and especially when I’m bending down to do it). I’m just trying to focus on the short term improvements and not dwell on the long term maintenance that will be required.

Friday + the Weekend

Thursday night I finished my last set of reading responses and free reading bingo boards (I scored FOUR sets of reading responses and processed FOUR sets of bingo boards! Woot!) which felt really good this morning. I wrote (the bulk) of this post on the elliptical and now I’m going to do some strength training. My husband and I will walk somewhere for lunch, and then I’m getting a 90 minute Thai massage. This evening I’m meeting friends for a bit at a new wine bar. Today is going to be a good day. 😉

Tomorrow I’m at the dojo most of the day. Sunday I’ll be taking the 11yo to swimming and then we might do something as a family (Maybe the Cherry Blossom Festival?) , or we might stay home.

I will say I’m relieved I got all that work done, but bummed out that I didn’t do much around the house. I found a new audiobook I’m enjoying, which is helping me do my regular chores, but I just haven’t have the energy or will power to do much else. I found out the yearbook at school is not due until May 14th, not the 1st like I thought so that is a huge relief. I have a Book Club next Saturday and something fun with a friend the following Saturday. There is stuff to look anticipate. It was definitely a rollercoaster of a spring break, but I love that I did so much walking, got so much work done, ran all those errands, and went to all those appointments. Honestly, I’ll take it.

Let’s end with some cat photos, because I’ve been spending a lot of time with these two lately, and they always make me smile.

I know it’s nuts to put all this into one post and I’m sorry to do it. Thanks for making it to the end.

I can’t decide if I should declare this a giant update dump or if I will have the where with all to separate some of this into different posts and schedule them for different days. Ha! Just writing that I was sure it wouldn’t happen so update dump it is!

I keep have to remind myself that it’s Tuesday AND that I have work tomorrow (and then the next day, and the next!) because my kids have Spring Break this week and we just got back from two nights in Monterey. It’s a giant bummer to have to keep reminding myself that this is a work week and that I have to go back to work. Boo!

But my Spring Break is next week, and maybe it will feel like a surprise since I keep thinking it’s this week. We shall see. I have a TON of work to do during my week off, and a bunch of appointments to go to, so it’s not really going to feel like a break. But I won’t be in class and that ain’t nothing.

Last week was busy because the 11yo went on a school camping trip, which he had to be packed for, and which we had to unpack for (the school brought out tent). We almost forgot to take the tent out and dry it, but luckily that occurred to us on Saturday, when the weather was actually decent.

While he was gone, the husband and I took the 14yo out to dinner, which maybe we’ve never done before?! (eaten at a restaurant with both of us and just the 14yo). It was a very nice dinner during which we were both reminded of how lucky we are to have a 14yo who wants to hang out with us, and delights us when she does so. We laughed very, very hard.

The 11yo came home Thursday, and then both kids were off Friday (I think because Cesar Chavez day fell on the following Monday of their Spring Break (3/31) so they got an extra day? I’m not really sure why – last year was their first year taking off 3/31, and this year was their first six day spring break. ::shrug emoji::) The husband really needed to be at work on Friday (because he was missing Monday and Tuesday), so the kids stayed home along all day. It’s so nice that they can do that now.

Saturday I was at the dojo all day (after hanging the tent up in the backyard) and getting us packed, and the house ready. That night we watched Fast (and the Furious) 5, which was ridiculous and a lot of fun. We plan to watch the rest of the Fast movies soon. Oh, also the kids helped me clean the car, which I’m thrilled about because it was disgusting, and now it’s clean! Woot!

Sunday we did the final packing, and I did the final cleaning (and my husband did a ton of dishes) and we were off after lunch. We got to Monterey around 4pm, right when we were able to check into our hotel. We walked around downtown that afternoon, and then ate an early dinner, before returning home to take a dip in the pool and hot tub.

I have to say, we don’t stay at hotels all that much. Our two yearly trips are to visit family (in St. Louis) and to visit friends (in Maui), so we don’t stay in hotels a lot. It was a nice hotel – the room was comfortable and location was central – but I don’t really love having all four of us in one room. I of course, slept horribly, but everyone else did okay.

We also don’t usually eat all our meals at restaurants (we usually pack food for lunches at least), but since it was not even 48 hours, we ate all our meals out. The kids are still selective, but they are open enough that we can find a spot with something they will eat without much trouble. Also, we’re realizing that we’re more open to eating in restaurants with them over and over, because it’s a lot more pleasant to do so. We enjoy their company and the conversation, and no one has a melt down. It was really nice to realize that eating out a lot if something we can do on vacation now

Monday we were at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which is a family favorite that we only visit every 5+ years. Being in there brought back a lot of memories of when the kids were younger, especially since most of the families there had littler kids. A couple of the play spaces really took me back, because I spent HOURS of my life in padded areas made for very young kids, and even though those spaces were not that familiar, that type of space definitely is. While I have loved parts of every phase of parenting, I am thrilled to be past the very-young-kids stages. Truly, I don’t miss it.

The aquarium was a lot of fun. Some highlights – the octopus swam cross his enclosure which was amazing, the sea otters in the aquarium were super cute (we hung out there for almost 30 minutes) and we saw some sea otters out in the bay, munching on something bright orange (maybe a sea star). I love sea otters, so getting a double dose of them was amazing. We also got to touch isopods (think giant deep sea roly poly’s) and got to watch the feeding in the kelp forest tank.

We walked a little ways away from the aquarium for lunch, which I think helped us stay longer. We were there for a solid four hours.

The weather was not great, and we got stuck in the rain a couple times – we were quite damp for our final dinner in Monterey – but since we weren’t trying to be outside it was fine.

We stopped at the Gilroy Outlets to charge the car on the way home and we all got a little something. I’m most pleased that both boys got new Vans, because my husband’s are falling apart my the 11yo’s feet are growing like crazy (he’s already a men’s 8, which is officially larger than me or the 14yo).

I feel like the next two months are going to be crazy, first because the yearbook is due May 1, and we have barely started it. I don’t know why I agreed to help with the yearbook this year, or how to get the other teacher I’m sharing the stipend with to do more, but I DEEPLY regret my choices.

Once that’s done it will be crunch time at the dojo, because I’m testing for my red belt the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. By the time that is over, there will only be a few weeks left of school.

Speaking of summer break, the husband and I finally figured out our St. Louis/Memphis trip, bought the tickets and rented the car. The kids and I are flying a RED EYE to St. Louis because the flight selection was terrible and expensive and that seemed like our best bet (I don’t sleep much anyway so I might as well not sleep much on a red eye that saves us money). We’ll be in St. Louis with cousins, then at the farm with the whole family, then we’re driving to Memphis (about 4.5 hours away) to spend a couple days there, before flying home.

We still haven’t bought our flights to Maui, but this may be the last year we’ re invited, which hopefully will ease the blow of the (right now) $700 dollar per person flights. Why does flying suck so much right now? It mean, it’s never been this bad, and some years have been truly shitty.

My shitty symptoms are easing up a little. I’m acting as if I have lactose intolerance (avoiding it, or taking Lactaid when I eat it), and the GI issues are better. The hot flashes continue, but aren’t as frequent or as intense. My sleep continues to be shit, but I feel like I’m less cranky because of it? Maybe I’m just better able to manage life on way less, constantly interrupted sleep.

And my time on the elliptical is over so. I have to shut this down. Sorry for being away for so long, and I hope I write again soon. I’m sure I will during my spring break.

I hope you’re all well. I’m also behind on reading posts, so sorry for even fewer comments than normal. But I will catch up soon!