Thank you for your responses to my last post. They were incredibly validating, and helpful. After 48 hours of frosty interactions, I sent my husband an email in which I briefly and succinctly apologized for screaming, explained how shaming his attitude and actions are, and requesting a family meeting. We are supposed to have the family meeting soon, and we’ll see how it goes.
I haven’t sat down with him and asked him the hard questions many of you so helpfully posed. I do plan on having that conversation when everything else calms down a bit.
Because right now things are hectic. My husband actually stayed home yesterday and today because he has a cold. I am always intensely jealous of how easy it is for him to take a day, especially at the last minute. I was so sick just a couple of weeks ago and I had to trudge through the work days because our district doesn’t have enough subs, and it’s just really hard to have someone covering you when you actually have shit to do with your students. My husband took my son to school yesterday and then just came home because he didn’t feel good. I am so envious of that ability. Blerg. Ironically, not being there is the hardest part about being a teacher.
It’s June 6th and a week from tomorrow is our last day with the kids. This is the part of the school year when it feels like we are the last school district standing. I know that I’d rather have more days off during the year, and a shorter summer (which is what we have), but in the last weeks it’s tough. The good news is three of my classes are either totally, or partially, populated by 8th graders, and they are basically not around all of next week (enjoying fun end-of-year celebrations and preparing for promotion). I’m also taking this Friday off to host my daughter’s birthday party at our local amusement park. Woot!
I have done NOTHING to prepare to move back into my old classroom. I have so much work to do at school. Having said that, I’m happy to pack and unpack because I am SO EXCITED to get my old classroom back. When I think about it, I get tears in my eyes. God how I’ve missed having my own space. This school year has been a special level of hell, one I hope to never live through again.
In more upcoming summer news…
We still haven’t decided if my husband will be joining us in Colombia this summer. I am conflicted. On the one hand I know we will all have a lot of fun with him there, and it would be immensely helpful to have him on the beach leg of the journey. On the other hand, he doesn’t speak Spanish and I know if he’s around I’ll speak a lot less Spanish…
Also, there is something simple about being the only adult; I can make the decisions without consulting another adult, especially when it comes to parenting. My husband and I are clunky simultaneous co-parents. We each have our own comfort levels and ways of doings things and many times the other’s preferences chafe a little. I think that is especially true for me since I spend more time alone with the kids than he does, and I’m used to conducting business a certain way, as it were. I definitely believe that I am the more efficient parent. Having said that, sometimes I want to do too much, and my husband is better at recognizing an almost sure fire fail when I propose one.
There is also the price of another ticket, and the time off work to consider. He is already taking a week off to come to St. Louis, and if he came all the way to Colombia he’d probably want to be there for at least 8-10 days. I’ll be curious to see what he decides.
I want him to decide soon though, because everyone who is going to the coast needs to get the Yellow Fever Vaccine at least, and I’m making the appointment for that in a week.
We leave for St. Louis in less than three weeks and the house still needs SO MUCH WORK. If I think about it for too long I start to hyperventilate. I know it will all eventually get done, or at least enough of it will get done. Still, it stresses me out to no end. I keep reminding myself that when it’s all done, the house will look amazing, and when we come home after all this travel it will still be amazing. Usually that carries me through…
Oh, and…
Happy Birthday to my daughter! I can’t believe she is 8 today!
Happy anniversary of the first time you gave birth!!! And happy to birthday to your daughter!
Make an appointment for him for the shot with the rest of you. He can cancel but having the appointment in place makes life easier than needing it and not having one. (Keeps the decision on him also.)
Having him along for any length of time as part of the memories would be nice. He can decide if it is worth it for & to him to be there for even 4 days. Adults traveling solo on planes can do far briefer stays of value. As you are already doing, give him full freedom of choice.
Family meeting sounds good. Your distress as valid. His distress is also. The question is how the four of you respond to these valid emotions.
CONGRATULATIONS on having a classroom back! Does this mean you are full time at only one school also?
There’s a lot on your plate. A lot of it good (and very good: Happy birthday to your daughter!). The move back to your classroom and the rapidly approaching end of the school year are things to celebrate.
I’m glad you called this family meeting. 48 hours of no communication is really not acceptable, especially as your children are witnessing all of this. Good for you for being proactive. I did think about you yesterday while reading the recent “Dear Prudence” (https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/06/should-i-leave-my-ph-d-program-and-more-advice-from-dear-prudence.html) post titled “To EuroTrip, or not to EuroTrip.” So I also think that this meeting is the time to discuss your husband’s plans on traveling to Columbia with you and the kids this summer. I don’t think it’s much to ask for a commitment for either him joining your family or not, especially as there’s a lot that needs to be done to prepare.
Good luck with managing the whirlwind.
Happy Birthday to your daughter ♡