Such a weird (and very much appreciated!) coincidence that Captain Awkward posted this yesterday. Definitely helping me deal with today.
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A Courageous Attempt
Such a weird (and very much appreciated!) coincidence that Captain Awkward posted this yesterday. Definitely helping me deal with today.
Umm. . . happy birthday?
Ha! Thanks. I’ve come to hate my birthday because my husband does nothing for me (yes I’ve asked, he still does nothing) and since he doesn’t prompt them my kids don’t do anything either and since I’m not FB my friends mostly forget, so yeah, it’s a bummer day. Rapidly approaching 40 isn’t helping. 😳
I see. I’m sorry that no one really recognizes your birthday; that must be hard.
I enjoy my birthday every year, even though I am rapidly approaching (gulp!) 50 now. One of the few days of the year that Fac.ebo.ok doesn’t seem like a total waste of time. 🙂
I’m sorry. That’s hard. Does he really not acknowledge it at all? Like no card or inquiry as to whether you want to go out together? Does he just forget or does he insist birthdays don’t matter? Do you do anything for him? FB makes a big difference with friends acknowledging birthdays — it does feel nice.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday! Sorry that your husband and kids don’t do anything for you. Can you do what you want for yourself? And it sucks that this always falls on women, but could you ask your mom to remind your kids/help them do something?
Happy birthday! I know you struggle with wanting to celebrate and feeling like you’re instead forgotten, so I hope today there are some moments where you feel that celebration coming through.
On that note, there’s a few of us in the Bay Area and I’m overdue with meeting people. Up for doing a meet-up in the near future? Muir Woods, Golden Gate Park and a number of hiking trails are on my to-do list.
I am thrilled you were born and grew up and are making our world a better place every day.
I discovered, for me, a long time ago, that if I wanted to celebrate my birthday I needed to be the one to do it. Often I would do a surprise treat for people I saw regularly to celebrate what they meant in my life. I think openly talking about upcoming events that I want to celebrate with family works. Celebration does not need to be expensive.
I know one single mom who shops for several options in advance and then takes her child to select child’s choice out of about 3-5 items a surprise gift that she (mom) pays for without seeing the selection. It works for them and ensure the gift actually reflects both the child and the mom’s needs and desires. (Maybe 2 necklaces and 2 scarves are choices the mom provides.) Making your birthday cake at home with your kids can be fun too. And it teaches them about creating celebrations for others.
OR a week ahead talk about “My birthday is coming up. I’d really like to go out to lunch with you. Which day and places do you think would be fun or should we go to the park.”
As your children grow and become adults and form their own households it is important to communicate your desires clearly and cleanly and in advance. Mind reading doesn’t work. Your generation and the ones coming up behind you are horribly stressed and constantly running and pressured. Start early talking about this well in advance. If your child is across the continent, or on a different continent, which is very possible in today’s world, it is going to be even more imperative to advance plan and discuss celebrations. Being flexible and clear now, when your children are young is crucial.
PS: Do not take a spouse’s responsibilities for spouse’s family away from them and be VERY clear and open about that with spouse’s family!!!!!!! This may involve a novel concept for spouse’s family who thinks YOU are the responsible person for all gifts/events but they can learn and evolve and find out their expectations need correction.