My daughter will be in 6th grade next year, at a middle school less than two miles from our house. Its new start time is 9:30am (yes, this is crazy, crazy late). I’m assuming the Beacon program there will offer before-care of some kind, but my daughter is a late riser and she wants to take advantage of the later start time. My husband can take her on the bus that late and make it to work around 10am, but then he wouldn’t be home from work until after 8pm (and that assumes his work would approve the schedule change). That is not an ideal scenario.
Currently, the plan is for our daughter to take the public bus to school. It’s a straight shot from a stop 1.5 blocks from our house, with a stop directly in front of her new school. It’s about a 12-15 minute bus ride, which stays on the same street the entire time. She wears a Clipper card that re-ups automatically when the amount falls below $20 on a lanyard. She has a Gizmo watch that she wears on her wrist, so we can call/text each other and use GPS to track her location. Probably most importantly, her friend will be on the bus with her.
Her friend is the only daughter of a single mom who is a nurse and had to work at the hospital during the pandemic. She is very independent and responsible. My daughter could not ask for a better bus mate.
Her friend has been riding the bus to the new middle school for four weeks this summer (she participated in the summer school/camp there). She rode it with her mom for a week before riding it alone. And she needs to take two buses to get there; the first brings her to the stop where my daughter catches her only bus. Her friend also has a watch phone (the one offered by Sprint), so they can call each other if they need to. They rode the bus together during the first week of summer school/camp. They even rode it alone once! It’s a totally manageable bus ride, especially with a friend.
The hope is that they will take the bus together for long enough that my daughter feels comfortable taking it alone (for the random days that her friend is sick). The timing will be a little tricky in the morning if she really wants to take advantage of the late start – she wouldn’t really need to wake up until 8am, which is when my husband and son will be leaving for their bus and I’m not sure my daughter is ready to get herself up and dressed and out the door alone. But maybe as she sees her friend doing it, she’ll self motivate. We shall see. Right now the main concern is her getting to school, which will happen on the bus!
You may wonder where I will be in the mornings and the answer is – at work! After asking for some special schedule accommodation every year since my daughter was born – I am finally extricating myself from morning drop off. When our kids’ school started at 7:50am I could barely make it work by dropping them off at 7:30am, then booking it down to my school (and arriving late enough times that my friend was on speed dial to let my kids into my room and sit with them for 5 minutes while they got started). It was so stressful! But now that their schools start later I can’t participate in drop off. This is amazing news! Now my husband will do the mornings and I will do the afternoons and I’ll be a lot happier for it. (He probably won’t be – as reading a post about how when I was more satisfied with our division of labor he was less satisfied, reminded me. But oh well! He’s the one who wants to live in the city, with only one (ideally no) car, and thinks everyone should manage on public transportation. Now he’ll understand what that really looks like!)
As for pick up – my daughter’s school day ends at 4pm so if she takes the bus home I’d be there shortly after. I could also just pick her up at 4pm most days. So if their aftercare program doesn’t offer come compelling programing we will probably just pick her up of have her take the bus home and spend 0-30ish minutes alone before I get there.
Obviously our plan is not entirely in place, but I do think the “6th graders taking the bus” part will work. When I lived in Hong Kong I had incredible independence in 6th grade. I was allowed to take the shuttle to the bus to the subway to spend 6+ hours at the mall with friends. I took the bus downtown to the orthodontist’s office alone. I walked through the open air market, and then through a shanty town on a hill to my friend’s house alone. I took taxis alone! All in 6th grade and all without a phone! (I moved back to the US during 7th grade so I know this all happened in 6th grade). If my distracted ADHD self I could do all that, my distracted ADHD daughter can learn to ride the bus to school. A little independence (and the responsibility that comes with it) can really unlock a child’s feelings of self-worth. I can see that happening with my daughter, and I’m excited for her.
When did you start taking the bus alone? When do you think you’ll let your kids do it?
I think you have a good plan.
When my children faced this it was a different community and circumstance.Child was up, dressed, eating breakfast when I left. I set an alarm for when it was time (with 2 mins to spare) to go out the door. Lunch, papers, books were in backpack ready to go (before I left house) right next to socks, shoes, boots, jacket, scarf and gloves (yupe, bitter cold &snow) all right next to front door. It did work. I did worry. When it was coming home from school alone I was called when they came in house. No cell phones existed.
It was not in a big city and no homeless living in that area. Not risk free….. what if bus was delayed in subzero weather!!! But school knew to call if child was not in class on time and it was a school bus pick up, not public transit. Hope your husband can watch her gizmo watch locations during her commute time!
This is all part of having our children grow up and learn how to fly from the nest. It takes courage from both parents and child. (and absolute necessity too….).
We’re certainty not on the very best side of town but we let our daughter walk to the corner store (where the bus stop is) and to a friend’s house with her watch. SF is always going to have some amount of homelessness but it’s not pronounced in our area. There are always lots of families using the buses by us, and we feel it’s safe. We will definitely be monitoring her during the bus ride and calling her when she’s arrived. We think it will be fine – not without complications some days – but fine.
Glad to hear, and I absolutely have faith in your judgement. Did not mean to imply other. My grand is in a more ‘interesting’ part of town (school totally in transitional area with LOTS of issues). I worry for when it is time for them to do this as they will be without a companion and have been accosted for several years while in the company of adults.
As said: I think you have a good and solid plan.
Sounds very doable and excellent start to independent travelling. In my experience the biggest challenge will be missing the bus by being late to the bus stop not the actual traveling on the bus. What age is your daughter? I’m not clear what age 6th grade is in the US …. it’s 10/11 here in UK.
My daughter just turned 11, so she is on the young side for 6th grade. Her friend will be 12 in October, so she is on the older side. I’m sure there will be days she misses the bus but hopefully she’ll be attempting to catch one a little early and have a chance to make it on the next one (it’s a pretty big bus line that runs every 8-10 minutes). And if she’s late some days then she’ll learn that lesson too. She’ll probably be more worried to disappoint her friend than get a tardy. 🤣
This sounds great! Isn’t the point of living in a sense city the ease of public transportation? She’ll be fine.
Yes! It is the point! Which is why I am flummoxed that my husband is less enthusiastic about it (since living in the city and depending on public transportation is his whole thing.) I think once he sees she can do it he’ll be fine. Just having them go alone once during summer camp has helped.
Such a tough balance! My oldest is quite a bit younger than yours but I’m already wondering how it will feel to have her walk home on her own in a year. And our neighborhood seems quite safe! So many of the worst things can happen really any time your kids is out of eyesight so once that starts to happen I guess you have to train them and trust them! I am trying to think of this as a step on the staircase toward responsible adulthood. So many of my college friends had helicopter parents who monitored them and did everything for them then bam! Off to college no idea how to be independent. I am trying not to do that but I’m a huge worry wart so it’s a struggle!
I definitely worry about what might happen to them when they are out in the world alone, but I know they eventually will have to make the leap so I want to give them some practice so, as adults, they can land on their feet. As a parent I feel so lucky that phone watches with GPS are available now – being able to call and track will give both of us so much piece of mind.
I totally think she’ll do great with it! My kids have been taking the school bus alone since 1st grade (so age 6), which really just meant walking 1.5 blocks to the stop and then the bus drops them at the front door of the school. Growing up I was always on the bus from head start on, but I was a country kid, so that meant walking 1/2 mile up my driveway to the bus stop and then getting on and it also dropped me at school. I basically always had my head in a book and the bus ride never bothered me. 🙂 I know that’s slightly different than generic bus transportation, but I’d totally be fine with that for my daughter as well right now if it was an option (and she’s 9).