A Lack of Anticipatory Joy

I recognize that the severe case of the “mehs” that I have right now is due, primarily, to a lack of anticipatory joy. With nothing to look forward to, it’s hard to trudge through the days.

{The dread I feel about the future – especially the fall – is definitely exacerbating the negative effects of a lack of anticipatory joy.}

I was thinking about how useful anticipatory joy is as we were watching Hamilton last weekend. We has been waiting for it for months. It was one of only two things we were looking forward to and we took great pleasure in counting down the days as we listened to the soundtrack around the house and in the car. When the “bright spot” got cancelled it, looking forward to Hamilton helped us getting over our crushing disappointment.

Actually watching it didn’t end up being all we had hoped though. My daughter didn’t make it through five songs before she went into her room to read comics. My son made it through most of it, but he was playing with other stuff for the second half.

They both really liked it (my daughter came back in when her favorite songs were on), but I doubt we’ll watch it again. I wasn’t surprised, or disappointed, by how it went down. I knew the anticipatory joy was going to be the greater reward – and ultimately it was. Looking forward to Hamilton served its purpose, even if the actual experience wasn’t what we anticipated.

I think I rely on anticipatory joy to get through my days, and my life in general, more than I realized. Clearly I need to practice being in the present, appreciating the current moment and planning for the future without judgement or fear of the unknown. Maintaining a strong Zen Buddhism practice would have done wonders for me during this uncertain time. Maybe now is the time to look to those resources (I still have a few of the most useful) in an attempt to lessen my dependence on anticipatory joy to get through the days.