So I did end up going back and looking at posts from this time of year in 2019 and 2018, and you know what? I wasn’t that much happier back then. Maybe I wasn’t happier at all.
I was frantically busy and ultimately unsatisfied with a lot of my life. It’s not that surprising, I had been suspecting that was the case. I have been feeling kind of panicked recently that in a year or so, when things are closer to normal, I still won’t feel much better. I think, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I knew that there was more to how I was feeling than could be simply attributed to the pandemic.
So what to do about it? One possibility: I need to think really hard about what makes this difficult and identify the aspects from my old life that would alleviate those hardships. And I need to work incredibly hard to not fall back into the patterns that led to the over-scheduled life I left when all this started.
I also need to identify what about our current situation is actually better, and think of possible ways I could maintain some of that.
The good news is that one of the things that made my life really frantic in the past was the PTA, and next year my kids will not be at that school, so nobody can expect me to keep doing PTA stuff there (I really am not doing any PTA stuff anymore and it has been amazing, but it would be hard to stay away if no one stepped up again next year, which is likely since all of the current board is leaving). It will be a lot easier to just not participate in the PTAs at my kids’ new schools (my daughter will be in middle school and my son will be at a different, closer elementary school that a couple of his friends go to and that has a later start time, than it would be to watch the PTA that I spent so many years on implode and not step into to do anything about it.
I also don’t miss the ferrying of kids to and from activities in the afternoon and evenings. This is harder to let go of since I know my kids really benefit from swimming (my daughter) and martial arts (my son). I’m not really sure how to avoid the hectic feeling of the evenings once those activities are available again. We already limit them to one afternoon/evening activity each, I just have very little tolerance for all that driving and sitting at places waiting. (If you have any suggestions on how to keep activities from swallowing the afternoon/evenings let me know).
I don’t miss waking up early and dragging my ass down to school every morning. I don’t miss the short nights of sleep or the commute, or the traffic or any of it. Being able to wake up at 7:30pm (or later) is amazing and I cherish the slower, less stressful mornings we now enjoy.
I also don’t miss being the only parent available before 6:30 or 7pm. My husband has really stepped up and is very present and involved with our kids and other family stuff all throughout the day, and I very much appreciate that. I’m hoping he will have some more flexibility as far as working from home is concerned once they are back in the office. I will definitely be talking to him more about it early and often.
I really like how much time we spend outside doing things that don’t require money. I don’t really miss movie theaters or restaurants or bars much, and I doubt I’ll be doing that stuff as much ev I like hosting outside so much more than inside (my house is generally a mess and by the time I get it prepped for guests I’m exhausted) and I hope that meeting outside is something people will be willing to do even after it’s not required.
I definitely miss my parents and their presence in our kids’ lives. I miss them taking our kids for spend-the-nights and other adventures. I will be thrilled when they can have the kids more.
I also miss my kids being at school, though drop off and pick up were always a source of stress. I definitely need to remember that as I’m looking at middle schools for my daughter. Considering schools across town that would take 30 minutes to get to is a bad idea. I need understand that for me, things like drop off and pick up time really do matter.
I want to write about this more but it’s 1am and I’ve found that if I don’t publish posts they languish in my drafts folder. So I will just press the button.
But not before I recognize how incredibly fortunate I am that my situation is such that I can consider what I do and don’t like about this horrible situation and attempt to use that information to improve my life later. I know I am very, very lucky.
Can I just say, I really love this post. Yes, life is not perfect now, but there are some things that are definitely better than before. I can completely relate to vastly preferring not shuttling kids around to activities in evening. Daughter needs to pick something she really REALLY wants to do seriously for me to embark on that ever again. Also agree on your disengagement from the PTA. It’s just… not a good use of your emotional energy.
You really are impressive. Clear honesty. Deep reflection.
Reminds me to do the same for my life. Thank you.
You really were beyond stretched with PTA and activities. Going more local with schools for your children will help by reducing transportation time. I hope your husband will be able to implement more time working from home and therefore more time with family at transition times. It may help that you were able to expand into the whole house. A fabulous plan to increase outside space utilization for socializing rather than inside your home. I hope the end result involves more you time and less stress from so very many commitments. Simplification of your life.
Everyone: Please be careful and safe and mask, wash, distance; and be here for all of the new year. Thank you all for your kindness and the support your writings have given me through this year and through this new time of isolation. May we all remember and teach younger generations that ‘it did not have to have been this way’.