All I got

More random, incoherent thoughts because that’s all I got:

I really appreciated OMDG’s post yesterday about Emily Oster’s newsletter. She is much better at articulating my feelings on a lot of this than I am.

I’m thinking a lot about my daughter and mask wearing. Everything I read says I should put her in a N-95 or a KN95 or a KF95 but she won’t even wear a surgical mask because she thinks it’s itchy. I just don’t see her keeping a quality mask on her face. Which means I have to find something that (a) she will wear (b) covers her face and does not fall down when she’s talking (c) offers a high level of protection. In the past I bought masks that were meant more to protect others; this is the first time I’ve felt we were wearing them to protect ourselves. It’s a whole different ballgame to be sure. I just ordered five of these. Hopefully they will bring me some peace of mind.

Ha! Peace of mind. There ain’t going to be any of that this fall. At this point I’m just hoping to minimize disruptions. I’m not going to let myself frame it as keeping my kids safe – because I know I can’t do that – instead I’m going to try to keep them from missing half the fall in their classrooms. Maybe that I can manage.

As I was cleaning the floors downstairs yesterday, I realized that if we’re spending $630 a month on child care I will definitely NOT be able to afford a house cleaner. This really bums me out; I was hoping to really put in the effort to keep the house neat, and then have someone else to come in and make it clean. I’m realizing that the effort required to keep it both neat AND clean is more than I’ll be able to manage long term. It’s only been one week since I finished cleaning up my house, and already the rooms I worked on at the beginning are bothering me. I think the effort required to keep things very clean is exponentially greater than the effort required to keep them meh. Meh is manageable, but neat and clean is a lot of work. I guess I’m going to have to go back to meh, and that’s okay, it’s just a bummer.

As I was feeling bummed about not getting a house cleaner (which I’ve never had before, to be clear) I remembered that in the past, at this point in the summer, I’d be knee deep in planning the Back-to-School BBQ. Knowing that I don’t have to do that this year, nor will I ever have to do that ever again, raised my spirits considerably. Maybe I can’t get someone to clean my house, but at least I don’t have to be on the PTA board anymore!

Speaking of the PTA, at my son’s new school there are Communications co-chairs. That means TWO PEOPLE are in charge of Communications for their PTA. We only ever had four people on our entire board – we never filled a chair position while I was there. Seeing that they had Communication co-chairs really blew me away. It’s a whole new world.

An email from my daughter’s new middle school explained that we are getting nothing from them before the school year starts. The kids get their schedule on the first day. The orientations will take place via Zoom some time during the first week. It’s totally nuts. I have no idea if this is how they’ve always done things or how they are doing it this year because of all the extenuating circumstances. It’s not what I was hoping for, but I’m trying to let it go. Hopefully she’ll show up on Monday and get her schedule with no problems. And then hopefully we’ll attend the zoom orientation and they will give us some information and we’ll feel better about everything. Hopefully.

We haven’t gotten anything from our son’s school. The Kindergarten and 1st graders get an orientation this week, where they get to meet their teachers and see their classrooms. The 2nd graders do not. I’m not sure how we’ll even learn which class he’s in. I REALLY hate not knowing what is going on. I HATE it. I keep reminding myself that knowing my son’s teacher’s name wouldn’t mean much since I don’t know anything about the teachers at this school, but still. It feels like no one knows what they are doing on even the normal things. How are they going to manage this crazy Delta variant?!

There are no adults in the room. Not in any room. It’s… so disheartening.

But my classroom is almost ready. And later this week I should get my schedule. Maybe I’ll feel better when I know what my year will look like.

Maybe.