This week was national Teacher Appreciation Week and Sunday is Mother’s Day. And while I made sure my kids made their teachers digital cards, and I sent them gift cards, I did not receive anything from my students. And while I will give my own mother something on Sunday (I am very grateful she is still in my life), I will likely not get anything from my own family. I’ve gotten so close to accepting this perceived discrepancy every year, and honestly it only stings a little at this point, but I’m still not a big fan of early May.
{I know I am appreciated, and I know my kids love me, and I hate when superficial “weeks” or “days” make me feel like someone needs to do something to prove that. I think it’s especially frustrating because the efforts I make myself never seem to be made toward me (and I am not the kind of person that enjoys making the efforts – it absolutely feels like a chore). But again, I know that sending an email during a specific week is not the only way a student can show they appreciate what I do, and a card from my kids is not even my preferred way of them showing me they love me. But when you see it everywhere, except in your own life, it’s hard not to feel… overlooked? Like I said, I’m not a fan of early May.}
And yes, I have made clear to my family that I would like I little acknowledgement (just a card or drawing!) but it doesn’t seem to be something they can manage at this point.}
So in the absence of being openly appreciated by my students and family, I appreciated myself this week by taking advantage of a sale on Mixtiles. In about three weeks, 32 photos will be arriving here to grace the wall in our new living room. We just got the giant wardrobe out today (which has been stressing me out for weeks) so I can finally see the entire wall. It’s going to be amazing when all the photos go up!
These are all photos I’ve taken over the past year or so, that I ran through different filters on an app called Prisma. I really like to have photos like this on my walls, and most of the “art” in our house was created by me (some of it created by a much younger, very interested in black-and-white photography me). I do have some photos of my kids, but mostly I put up stuff like this. It was incredibly satisfying to “create” something (it’s been A LONG TIME) and I can’t wait to put it all up on our walls.
Do you like days or weeks that force others to feel they have to show their love or appreciation in certain ways? Do you participate in them?
I can totally relate. I’ve lowered my expectations year after year until they barely exist at this point. And still… That tiny spark of (ridiculous) hope exists that this will be the year… And I even have to remind me husband to do something for his own mother. She lives less than a mile away, yet he said, “what am I supposed to do? The breakfast places i usually take her to are all closed and it’s not like I can go buy her a card.” I sh*t you not, that’s what he thought and said about the situation this year. It’s truly upsetting, especially since she does A LOT for him. All taken for granted and not shown appreciation even one (arbitrary) day of the year in a way that might just make her day or let her own spark of hope be kindled. 😔
I have never commented before for some reason, but as a working mom with ADHD, I relate to you in many ways. My husband and I have a similar gifting disconnect in our house but in reverse. His family gives gifts for everything, but gifting in my house growing up was limited to a few birthday and Christmas gifts. And this wasn’t because of lack of funds—gifting for any other occasion doesn’t occur to anyone in my family. I try to be a kind and generous person, but I guess I gift mostly with time and attention (or even just remembering to check on a friend who’s struggling and drop off her favorite cookie, for example. Hm, I guess that is a gift). Gifts just don’t occur to me. When we started dating, my husband was aghast that I didn’t send a mother’s day gift to my mom, let alone a card. (I do always call for a chat, though). And it still occasionally causes friction between us. Anyway, would be curious what gifting was like in your husband’s family and your family of origin, because that might possibly explain the reason they all sound relatively kind and caring but don’t gift.
You describe our houses, but in reverse. I grew up in a house where presents were given in abundance. We made a BIG DEAL of birthdays and other special occasions. My husband’s family does not do as much of that. They always send cards, but they aren’t big gift givers. They say they prefer just getting things when the occasion arises (because someone wants it or they see it) and not on specific days. Which I totally get. I used to think gift giving was one of my love languages, but I think living with my husband for as long as I have, and getting no gifts, have helped me move away from that. I used to love buying things for people too, and now it just feels like a chore. So honestly, I’m moving more toward my husband’s way of doing things, and I appreciate that I don’t have to do much for his parents during Christmas and Mothers/Fathers Day and kind of resent that my parents have higher expectations (it’s my mom really). It’s all so complicated. To be clear, I absolutely do not want presents of any kind, I would just love a little note. But as I try to get my kids to do that for their grandparents I know it’s not as easy as it sounds. I do hope my husband writes me a little something, and I’m sure he’ll let me sleep in if I ask for that (I will).
Please sleep in! I’ve been worried about your sleep deprivation for years!
My husband’s family does a lot more gifting than mine. And they buy expensive gifts, and it’s not because of an abundance of funds. He thinks it is weird that I sometimes just get my parents a token gift for their birthday (like a nice mug). But at least you call your mom on Mother’s Day! I got the sense that Noemy’s husband doesn’t even acknowledge it. Being a parent is so much work. It would be nice to get a nod on the official day. It seems like her frustration with his lack of appreciating her contributions is a running issue in the marriage. Giving her a card or making her breakfast is an easy gesture to at least show he’s thinking of her. Not acknowledging the holiday given this running issue feels like a slap in the face somehow. Maybe I’m projecting? I usually defend her husband. But this rankles me.
I try not to express opinions in other people’s marriages. Every couple has their own dynamic and culture and most of us are trying to make it work. But I think it’s absolutely f$&ked up your husband doesn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day. Does he acknowledge it for his mom? How could he possibly think it’s acceptable not to even give you a card?!? Or let you sleep in? It’s baffling to me that he won’t do anything for it. Have you mentioned it to him? Does he have an excuse?
WOW!!! Beautiful pictures. And each one a memory for you! FABULOUS.
Thank you for sharing the joy this weekend!!!
Happy Mother’s Day. So impressed by the parenting skills your generation has displayed always and is continuing under very difficult circumstances.
Wishing you sunshine and lots of love!
Over the years my husband has gotten better but is still not where I would prefer him to be. I have also started giving very clear directions (“don’t forget mother’s day is coming up and with COVID-19 you need to allow extra time for shipping so you may want to go ahead and order something” and “I’m going to go for a grocery pickup this afternoon so you’ll be alone with the kids and they’ll have time to make me mother’s day cards” and “don’t eat that last donut because I want it tomorrow for breakfast on mother’s day” and “since tomorrow is mother’s day I’d like you to get up with the kids in the morning so I can sleep in”). I would definitely prefer not to have to say it all BUT he prefers that I do and I don’t end up disappointed so… it mostly works.
Also, love your pics! Have you used Mixtiles before? I’m curious what you think – I’ve thought about ordering some because I love the idea of being able to rearrange so easily but they’re just a little pricey.