Yesterday I quietly, and without celebration, turned 38.
I’m not quite sure how I feel about that.
You may remember that last year I was pretty stoked on my birthday, when I turned 37 on 7-17-17 (my lucky number is 7). When I realized (right around my 36th birthday) how many 7s were involved in my 37th birthday I was sure that 37 was going to be a kickass year. But then Trump was elected president, I lost my room at school, and I took on being president of the PTA at my daughter’s school with a new administration. 37 didn’t turn out to be that great.
But it wasn’t awful either (at least not on a personal level). In fact, I did pretty well despite some fucking shitty circumstances. And my marriage has honestly never been stronger.
This year I have no real goals. I’m just trying to get through, to live my life in a way that doesn’t make me crazy, to stay engaged and involved with what is going on in our country, without falling into a mind-space of despair.
Honestly, I feel like I already won just getting through the day without falling into my normal narrative of, “I have no friends, no one even cares that it’s my birthday.” Because the reality is I DO have friends. And I am SHITTY about remembering (or even knowing) their birthdays, so I can’t expect anyone to remember mine. Not remembering someone’s birthday is not a determination of what kind of friend they are or how much they mean to someone else (not for me or anyone else). It just means that birthdays aren’t that big of a thing anymore, and we seriously need to get over it. At least I do. Or did. It think I am really and truly over it now.
So I guess one day into my 39th year (it’s weird how those numbers don’t match up, isn’t it?) I’m already doing better than I was at this time last year, when I felt the world was conspiring to ruin a year I had arbitrarily decided was going to kick ass, based on the repetition of a number I like in one specific date.
I’m done letting numerology decide which years are going to be awesome. I’ll decide that for myself, thank you very much.
(Honestly though, I’m fine with this year just being run-of-the-mill. Run-of-them-mill sounds nice.)
Next week I’m taking my kids to Colombia, and just by boarding that plane I will be achieving a goal I set for myself before I even knew if I’d have kids (but really hoped I would). That is something. Sure, I may be terrified (and at this point, a week from our departure date, I pretty much am), but I’m also excited.
Okay 38, bring it on.
Happy (belated) birthday! I can’t imagine letting my birthday pass without celebration. Even when I’ve been in periods of my life with no friends who remembered, I have celebrated myself. My birthday is one of my favorite days of the year!
Here’s hoping that 38 is a good year for you.
Happy belated birthday! I think it is hard when you put such high expectations on a year when who knows what will happen in the coming year? Especially when you have such a shit show of a President!
I hope you have a wonderful year!
Glad you are the next year older and still writing and sharing to us. Hopeing this new year for you is one of balance and renewed hope. Excited to hear how the Giant trip with children goes and sending my best wishes!
I remember all I wanted for my 35th birthday was for my then ten month old to sleep through the night. He didn’t. And so my birthday present to myself was to not care about naps and enjoy the day. It was a depressing birthday. But in general I’ve never been hugely into birthdays but I like to do SOMETHING.
Congratulations on making this trip happen! It sounds terrific.
Happy birthday!
Happy belated birthday! Have a wonder trip and a wonderful year!
I definitely try to celebrate my birthday with friends, but I’m always the one who organizes the gathering – because I’ve always been the organizer in my group and I enjoy gatherings! They probably wouldn’t remember or do anything for me otherwise. Ha! Outside of my immediate family, I probably remember 2-3 birthdays each year ever. It’s definitely not a reflection of how much I care about someone! Happy belated birthday at any rate. I hope this is a fantastic year for you full of adventure and growing and fun!