Today SHU wrote about how she is tired of doing the same thing every day, of checking off the same boxes (literally, for her, because she is a big into paper planners), and I have to say, I feel her.
Every day feels the same. Every day is Blursday.
A lot of people I know are at least getting away to a family house by the river, or to the beach for a weekend, or even a week. Even two or three nights somewhere else would be so welcome. Just being able to leave our house, and do something, would be so welcome.
It’s been four months of pretty much the same thing. And yes, our “same thing” is pretty nice since we both have jobs but neither of us have to leave the house to do them. Our kids are old enough that they don’t need constant supervision; right now my son is in camp and my daughter sees friends almost every week day. This is a dream situation, considering…
We have a really good situation, and yet I’m still… struggling to get up every morning. We’d normally still be in St. Louis. I don’t know when I’ll get to see my extended family again.
Next week is my 40th birthday. I was thinking about at least having a couple of friends over in my backyard (I hosted a similar get-together for a friend’s birthday a couple of weeks ago), but my closest friend is away that weekend so it doesn’t feel worth it. I don’t usually do much for my birthday, but I was planning something this year since it’s the big 4-0, and I’m sad it will pass just like any other day.
I know I’m just throwing myself a little pity party. I have a lot to be thankful for, like my son being in camp, and my daughter having friends who can come over and pass the days with her in our backyard or at a park. I have beautiful spots to run outside where there aren’t very many other people I need to worry about passing (and it’s cool enough hear that running is still very pleasant).
We have our downstairs space and I LOVE IT and it makes me happy. The upstairs now feels so big and spacious – I’ve never loved this house more.
Our backyard no longer sends me into a panic at a mere glance. Instead we’re using it almost every day. It’s a really generous outside space and we did a lot of work months ago so we could take advantage of it, and now we actually are! The weather has even been warm and not too windy and I was able to set the girls out there with art projects last week instead of taking them to the park (and yes I recognize how lucky we are that it’s not hot and humid here all summer!).
I’ve joined a Curriculum Club for the way I teach Spanish and I’m spending 3-4 hours a day working on plans for next year. I love creating curriculum and I appreciate having colleagues I can work with to plan for a year of distance learning.
And in two weeks BOTH my kids will be at camp, which will give me the time I need to really get everything ready.
So honestly, things are really good, and yet I’m struggling. My marriage isn’t in great shape – my husband and I see each other more than ever but he feels so distant – and that probably isn’t helping. Everything requires more energy and neither of us have any by the end of the day. I feel like I’m always the one who initiates repairs in our relationship, and I’m resentful it’s on me, yet again, to do that.
Actually, writing this made me feel a little better. We watched A Bug’s Life tonight (one of my favorite (and in my opinion totally underated) Pixar films, and I’ll be fixing myself a drink soon (only drinking on the weekends does make it more special and different that the rest of the week, which I appreciate). Hopefully we’ll just watch Lodge 49 tonight instead of spending 30 minutes scrolling through 180 minute long movies on the Criterion channel (choosing what to watch is a constant source of stress for us and it’s wearing these days). Tomorrow is Sunday which means I have to fight less with my kids, which is something.
Yeah, I think it’s time to fix myself that drink… lately I’ve been enjoying tequila in limeade.
What are you drinking this weekend?
We recently were able to get away to my parent’s place in MI (about two hrs away from our house) and it was so helpful for both the adults AND the kids to get out of our house. Could you rent a VRBO someplace for a weekend before you head back to school?
My husband isn’t interested in getting away, even for a weekend. He’s very much a “we shouldn’t do anything we do absolutely need to do.” He let me put the kids in camp because he knows I’m losing my mind but a fun weekend away doesn’t make sense to him. And honestly, I wouldn’t even know where to start on renting a place. Everyone I know who is going somewhere has a connection of some kind. We don’t know anyone with a “place” so it feels really overwhelming to even consider. And with camps, we’ve already spent crazy money, so paying more probably isn’t the best idea for us financially.
I hear you. And since this is a safe place I’m going to join my own little pity part for a minute because I know really..I shouldn’t be having one. We both have jobs and are working from home. But, my husband is at high risk and is freaking out over the mere thought of MY doing something out of the house. We are having groceries and food delivered and I can’t remember the last time I was in a store. Today, my best friend is having a 4 person birthday party for another friend of ours, outside at her mom’s pool. Spending time with friends, and at a pool is literally the kind of summer I live for. He said I was trying to kill him, so I’m not going. But, my mental health is just gone. We moved here so I’d have people and it’s been months with only brief interactions and one socially distanced, outdoor dinner. This is not sustainable for me. And, since he’s an introvert who literally wouldn’t care if he never saw another human being in his life? He really doesn’t get how hard this is on me. I’ve never been someone who likes speaking on the telephone so that’s not an option…I need actual hanging out time. Right now I feel like it’s work sleep work sleep and nothing good ever to look forward to- which is how I live my life “sure work may be bad this week but on Saturday I can….” and now it’s all gone. All there is is the neverending abyss of work, cleaning, working out and no joy.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. I would be throwing a WAY bigger pity party if this were my situation. My husband and I have very different ideas of what is “reasonable” right now (he is also an introvert – and pretty anti-social to boot – who is not negatively affected by isolation), but he accepts my needs and lets me do what I want (within a set of agreed upon guidelines). I would be really struggling right now if I felt he were imposing restrictions on me that I did not agree with. (I’m luck that neither of us has underlying conditions).
{{{HUGS}}} You can always come here to vent.
I feel for you. I guess I’m “lucky” in that I don’t mind staying in at all. I’ve got books, streaming TV if I need it, a bike in my garage, the peloton app, an endless list of projects to do, a sewing machine, etc. I grocery shop at 1 store (rotates) every 2 weeks, order lots of non perishables online. I’m forced back to the office now which sucks. But I’m good staying in. Yes my kids squabbling gets old but we’re managing. We had lots of trips planned for this year but I’m over it.
THANK YOU for writing.
I think because you all so clearly recognize how lucky you are AND that it is still ‘very hard’ that it is a relief to hear this situation is still stressful. This is so helpful and normalizing. It helps me remember that living with another adult and/or children isn’t free of complications and all a fantasy world of laughter and love and pure bliss. Reminds me to focus on the green grass in my own pasture and not romanticize married with or without children.
So glad you have the extra housing space and are enjoying having a yard. We can do this and we can keep doing what we need to to avoid being part of Betsy DV’s 14,000plus dead children plus collateral educational staff and family members that she is happy to sacrifice (being not her kin) to get public money for private exclusionist schools.
Deep breathing. Get out the vote postcard writing therapy.
We will do this, holding hands, together. Thank you for writing and extending hope.
Just writing to say: right there with you.
I sent this to my husband this morning and thought you might be interested in it too: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/08/parenting/coronavirus-marriage-relationships.html?surface=home-living-vi&fellback=false&req_id=745774191&algo=identity&imp_id=538558954&action=click&module=Smarter%20Living&pgtype=Homepage&fbclid=IwAR0DqmgpjyiEAAEeiIdY8LOwcD9jZaKrVFUhfDpU09rj8aPDLdKGZeCCLvQ
Ha, I sent that article my husband too. I liked the part about how when we’re away from each other we have things to share when we come together, but if we’ve all been together all day, there is nothing to share because we all lived the same experiences. I explained that to my kids this weekend and we decided to start sharing something we read or listened to every day. Hopefully that will help.