I’ve been dreading the conversation with my parents about Thanksgiving. I know they are less cautious about possible exposure – they eat at a common table with other couples outside, the hang out with people outside without masks on, they have even hosted dinner in their house – and I knew they would want us to come inside to eat. I also knew that was not something we were comfortable with.
I did talk to them, and they promised to take more precautions for two weeks before Thanksgiving. I agreed that if they did that we could eat inside. But as numbers here rose I felt less comfortable with that decision. And my husband didn’t feel comfortable with it at all.
So after losing my shit about hard everything is, I called them back and we talked it out. My parents were understanding and expressed that they were mostly worried that traditional Thanksgiving Day food would get cold quickly outside. I suggested something different, maybe a pozole (my dad makes amazing pozole, which is a stew made with hominy and meat – usually pork). They were interested in this plan. My dad suggested trying a green pozole with turkey. We talked more after the tension had abated, and and in the end we decided to circle back after we knew what the weather would be like. (I will suggest we eat in their massive two-car garage with the door up if it’s raining.)
Later, lying in bed, I realized I hadn’t confronted them about eating outside because I don’t particularly want to do it either. The idea of spending a day lounging around my parents house, feeling warm and happy and content, is incredibly alluring. I would love, love, love to do that. But we can’t do that and ensure everyone will be safe. That is just the reality.
It’s frustrating to see how many people recognize the importance of staying home right now, but decide to travel anyway. Farhad Manjoo’s opinion piece in the New York Times today made me so mad (the majority of the comments mirrored my frustration). That is the kind of thing my parents will read and use to try to convince me that we can just be inside. Other informed, well-educated people are doing it so we can too! It’s hard to do the right thing when you see so many other people doing exactly what you would love to do.
So many of my students are flying right now, many are spending the week with other families in a cabin in Tahoe, and others are hosting relatives that are flying in from all over the country. Then in December they are supposed to come onto campus? After all that exposure? I’m so tired of people making choices that effect our community negatively. It’s really crazy how little people care about the common good when it inconveniences them. And I live in an area where people wear masks in public and generally adhere to public health guidelines more than in other parts of the country where community spread is insanely high.
So yeah, I had a good conversation with my parents and we are making Thanksgiving work for us, outside, this year. We reached a compromise, which reminds me that in real compromise, no one is really happy. I’m relieved that we came to an agreement that works for all of us, but I’m sad that we won’t be having the holiday I know we all want to have. I’m already thinking about Christmas and how we can kind-of celebrate that holiday. I’m thinking a garage celebration (again with the garage door open), probably in our garage, but maybe in theirs? I have lots of padding for the floor and furniture that can be in my garage (stuff I’ve been using for play dates in our backyard. I can get a small tree to put up in the garage, and we can meet to open presents and eat a meal. If its cold I can do laundry and run the drier, which really warms up our garage.
I’ve been working on a post about what it’s like working full time from campus. It’s been hard to put together something coherent on what feels like a massive change. Hopefully I’ll have it up after the break.
How are you celebrating Thanksgiving safely this year?
We’re limiting Thanksgiving to the people in our household. But we’re pretty hardcore on the restrictions: the kids can have one outdoor play date each per month. We don’t go to stores. Other than the kids’ playdates, we don’t socialize with people outside the household either indoors or out.
I am required to go into the office twice a week. But I don’t have any physical contact with my coworkers — I just go straight to my office and lock the door. And I wouldn’t go in at all if I didn’t have to.
I don’t really understand why limiting contact to household members is so hard for some (most?) people. I guess I’m just lucky that it’s not a major problem for my family.
I’ve wondered myself why it’s so hard. We aren’t as strict as you are and we see people outside fairly regularly but always with masks. It isn’t really that hard. Obviously most of the country has to contend with weather but numbers are skyrocketing in beautiful California as well! Why can’t people just see one or two households at a time in a park? Or walk around the neighborhood? I’m talking about people who live with family. If you live alone I understand expanding your circle but why go to parties? Or on vacations? I don’t really get it.
prior to Thursday there is a planned all families zoom “make apple pies together while apart” event. Probably 9 households.
There is a possibility of Thursday having a meal outdoors midday with one child’s family under distanced circumstances with everyone wearing jackets, ‘long johns’, scarves, hats and masks. But this will be decided on Wednesday depending on numbers and ‘factors’, all possible efforts to be isolated in advance are being applied. But I think it is 50/50 that I will be by myself.
Due to life realities I have done major holidays on my own before. It isn’t my preference but absolutely is doable. It isn’t about being happy with the answer this year, it is about being alive next fall and thereafter.
The case rates are obvious, I do not understanding having students even think about being at schools prior to 2-3 weeks post 1/1/21 when the holiday exposure/behavior rates are known. We have lost over 1/4million people in this country … why won’t … never mind. No point denial has been selected by many decision makers. And, I am tired of hearing the ‘hoax’, ‘false news’, ‘just the flu’ lies.
I’ll be home with my partner. Some friends invited us to a totally outdoor event but we are opting out; it’s about eight other people from multiple households and I can’t justify it with everything in the news right now. I also declined bc I gave my parents/sibling a hard time about their original plans for a multi day visit without quarantining (they listened to me! 🙂 ) and didn’t want to be a hypocrite!
I’m a teacher too and honestly if I could spend the four days doing absolutely nothing I’d be thrilled. I am so so so tired this week, as I’m sure you are too. :-/
Our Thanksgiving will thankfully be fairly normal. We live about 10 minutes from my husband’s parents, and we spend a lot of time with them on a weekly basis anyway. My FIL works for my husband so they’re already together 40 hours/week, and my MIL works 3-4 days/week at the dental office and helps with my kids the other 1-2 days/week after school, so we are all pretty integrated in each other’s lives anyway.
All these gatherings are getting me down. I just drove by a park with three 40+ person gatherings. They looked like kids’ birthdays. Yes outside is better than inside but they shouldn’t be doing this at all. No one was in masks. Everyone was eating right next to one another. It made me feel so sad and powerless. I really don’t understand why people can’t keep these small and spread out too ear. We can skip birthday parties for a year. It would be hard for me, if I were a teacher, to know that my students were mixing households right before school started in person. I would be scared and also very angry at the parents. How do teachers deal with that anger and disappointment?
Honestly? I wanted to skip it. I spent years after my mom died trying to do the holidays for my dad and husband and they just sucked. In 2011 we moved and since then have spent holidays at my life long BFF’s mother’s house (We’ve been friends since we were 7 so her family is like my extended family). Suddenly, I was able to enjoy the holidays again so not being able to do that has really had me down. We live 10 minutes apart and I’ve been completely isolated since March. But the men in my life wouldn’t skip Thanksgiving. This led to my father being more than a little disgruntled that “no one in the house” meant HE can’t come in the house. And my husband was insistent we have turkey, so….we’re picking up a full meal from a restaurant Tuesday, heating it Thursday and delivering some to my father, who will complain. Sorry, I just can’t put a positive spin on 9 months of no human contact.
I work in healthcare (public relations) and I used to deeply believe everyone deserved equal healthcare. Not anymore. I think anyone traveling or celebrating in large groups against all the knowledge we have is criminal, and they should be last in line for ER treatment in two weeks. Vaccines are ON THE WAY and this pandemic isn’t turning into a way of life for us – we are so lucky. I think all these celebrations are an insult at best to the healthcare workers breaking their backs to care for those with COVID. I’m single and my kids will be with their dad this year and I’m spending the week alone except for a couple of walks with friends and it’s not sad or depressing – it’s the right thing to do!! I don’t feel sorry for myself at all and am looking forward to parts of it, knowing some people would love a little alone time right about now. I don’t know – I have so much rage over people moving forward with Thanksgiving I don’ even know how to begin to sort it.
Our family cancelled everything, turned down every invite, uninvited people to our home. We will celebrate just our immediate family, no travel. We just watched several friends fight for their life in the ICU. I work for a company that is awaiting Emergency Authorization for vaccines to go to market. It amazes me how selfish the American population is that they cannot follow guidance for a short time to get through this, there Thanskgiving plans this year or 8-9 months of the entire lives are so much more important than the health and wellbeing of their neighbor or fellow Americans. All they can see if their rights are infringed, its not what they want to do… I am not loving it but I know the consequences of both ways and I chose to do whats best for the entire population not just myself.
I am so thankful for you, for your readers, for all the people who keep hospitals open, utilities running, groceries arriving in stores and homes, who provide emergency assistance, for teachers who have given so very much and been so abused by many. For people who have kept gas stations open and run ordering services and all the rest of those who have kept us going ~~ despite some in government who choose to deny aid to those who have funded their medical care, retirement benefits and salaries etc.
THANK YOU.
Please be safe and stay healthy.