I used to be able to embrace crazy weeks and push through them without it taking too much of a toll, but I find that I don’t have the stamina anymore. This is true in other areas as well. I used to be able to grade papers or create assignments or plan in the evenings but now I really struggle to do anything productive after 7pm. I just can’t do that stuff anymore.
I’m not sure why that is. I don’t know if I really don’t have the stamina I once did, or if I just don’t care enough anymore to push past the lazier parts of my personality. All I know is that I used to do a lot of work in the evenings and I now I pretty much do nothing. I just want to watch TV, read or sleep.
Last week was crazy, and the crazy weeks used to not touch me so much but now they lay me out. We had our son’s birthday party on Sunday afternoon. On Monday I had to clean my house (the party was at a park) so that Tuesday we could host the grandparents for his actual birthday. Wednesday I had a meeting at school. Thursday we had a PTA meeting. Friday was the Latino Cultural Heritage Night at school so I had to rush home to make something to share for the potluck, then watch my kids perform. Saturday I spent 7 hours at a professional development (my inlaws took my kids) and Sunday, I had to do all the laundry and dishes that didn’t get done all week.
My husband is home now, and he’s dealing with bedtime while I work out on the elliptical. I’m behind on grading and planning for school, and I’d be super stressed out if it I weren’t showing Coco to two of my classes for the second half of the coming week. This is helpful because I don’t have to plan those classes, and my students won’t be creating anything more for me to grade during those classes, and maybe, just maybe I’ll actually get some stuff done while they are watching the movie.
I used to get through weeks like this relatively unscathed but now they do a number on me. Again, I’m not sure what has changed. Maybe it’s just being older. Maybe it’s just the collective exhaustion of a decade of busy-ness. Maybe I just don’t have anymore fucks to give. I truly don’t know. It’s why I barely write here anymore. It’s why I’m trying desperately to hand off the responsibilities of the PTA. It’s why I don’t read as many books as I used to, or see friends as much as I used to, or do really anything to the degree that I used to.
At this point I’m accepting of my new limitations. I don’t really care that I’m not producing at the rate that I used to, or that I can’t manage busy-ness like I used to. Instead of trying to ramp up to my old levels, I’m attempting to arrange my life so it feels manageable. Maybe one day I’ll be back to my old self, but maybe this is how things will be in perpetuity. At this point I’m okay with either.
I completely feel the same way. I just can’t deal with running around every day anymore. And evening work is NOT happening. My energy is like a precious commodity that I have to save for the really important stuff. I try really hard to arrange my life to avoid draining myself constantly, but also have been leaning HARD on my husband who seems to have boundless physical energy (though not patience or executive functioning).
Cumulative stresses in ALL areas of life. Impacting many people. Add PG&E, wind, fire and smoke. You have always amazed me with what you do even when I remember being your age and working with children. Life today is additional stress and that has impacts. You do not live in Windsor or in the Tick fire area, you were not part of Paradise or Tubbs fires … but it still impacts us. Climate change realities, social change realities, world news, outage news.
SO. Vote (obviously, but choices and election outcomes=stress). Take stock of current obligations and see what else you can drop (but not exercise). Be super gentle with yourself like you would be with me. (Can you have your classes grade their own papers and hand in with their result and a comment on problem. eg: grade C I did not get the tenses right or I forgot gender prefix to nouns or I had SPELL in Spanish?!. Actually this is good for students as it has them reflect on what the test or assignment showed they did well in and where they have issues. But I don’t know if that would actually reduce or increase stress demands on your time.
Actually take 10 minutes and tell your spouse how they are helping and supporting you and the family and that it is appreciated. Nicest if spouse did same back. Like the highs and lows of day from each family member at dinner ritual.
But; YES YOU ARE UNDER STRESS and it wears us out. Everyone (adult) I know in all generations is feeling it. (kids in school or pre-school are also stressed with learning as has always been real ~ but also because they reflect the surrounding environmental atmosphere of their families.) This period is going to have long roots for the future……
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I have felt this way often since having children. My normal weeks are quite busy, so when anything new and different is added to the mix — be it special occasions, social commitments, or anything else out of the usual routine — it’s hard to keep up. I have long felt that this is a combination of my age (I was almost 41 when I had my twin sons and am 48 now) and cumulative stress.
You are definitely not alone in feeling this way!