I mentioned in my last post that my cousin was getting together with her parents (both in their 70s) who flew in to visit them, and her brother and his wife, all inside without masks today. When I FTed them after I wrote that post, I mentioned to my aunt that I thought my parents were feeling lonely and sad today and she said, “well it wont’ last forever.” And it really rubbed me the wrong way, because if it won’t last forever, couldn’t she have waited to see her family? It would be SO MUCH SAFER for me to spend Christmas inside my parents’ house, which is a 30 minute drive away, than for them to spend it with their family after a two flights (and multiple hours in THREE airports). Why do they get to spend Christmas all together, and we don’t?
They aren’t stupid people. These are not conspiracy theorist who don’t believe the virus is real. They have been taking precautions and following health guidelines. My one cousin (the brother who spent the evening there with his wife) is an oncologist! Surely he understands the risks. Surely he knows they shouldn’t be visiting like that.
I have to admit, I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m not sure how to process it. I love this extended family, and I’m not angry at them, I just don’t know how to get over the fact that they are all together for Christmas and we are not. I understand it’s different people making different choices with the same information, but I can’t seem to reconcile it in a way that allows me to just let it go and move on with my life. Their actions don’t affect me except to remind me of what I don’t get to do and make me feel sadder for not doing it, and it feels like their choices shouldn’t matter so much to me. But for some reason, they do.
I am lucky that I don’t have to watch a lot of people who are close to me making such divergent choices and living life in a way that feels more normal. I’m lucky that I haven’t had to manage these feelings much, if at all. But now that I’m having them I’m not quite sure what to do with them. Do I tell myself they are making the wrong choices and hope they are all okay (which I absolutely hope for, I harbor no ill will)? I don’t see how I can admit their choices are acceptable and still be okay with my own choices because then I’d be abstaining from things that make me happy for no reason at all… How do I reconcile knowing that they are not ignorant fools (because they are not) with the choices they are making and simultaneously the choices my family is making?
I’m putting it out there because I thought maybe some of you have had more experience with this and might advice me on how to just let it go and get on with my life. I’m really at a loss and I don’t know to be sitting with these feelings (that I can’t even name yet) for the rest of the break.
Work at naming the feelings. We are different but some of my feelings would include jealousy and rage and envy. Then flip it around and ask why they felt such a strong need … might they be jealous of your physical distance to in-laws and parents and that drive bys/window waves have been possible?
It isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair. We want it to be but it would have to be fair all over the world and …. it isn’t.
I am seeing/hearing a lot of people experiencing what you are. It is normal and human. But your desire to name it and understand and deal with your emotions in a more constructive manner is really important to prevent corrosion.
I am seeing so many people saying being alone at home with just their children for the holidays isn’t ok. I am totally alone, and it sure isn’t my preference but it is ok; quiet, peaceful, and we were able to talk to each other and even use a little video time together. Not my favorite holiday of all time but not the worst either and 6 days ago I was looking at ICU capacity for covid patients with far too much personal interest. I am very deeply appreciative we could connect at all.
You made the risk analysis and decision that worked for you/your family. They made theirs. You make yours with overseas travel with your children. They make theirs. You make your retirement planning risk decisions; they make theirs. All these decisions vary by people and circumstances. Some people in Nov were eating at outdoor seating in SF; others wouldn’t walk on that sidewalk when maskless people were eating. We all have different tolerances for risk. Our decisions move with events. You and I hope they win this very high stakes gamble, because their lives are at risk.
You seem to not be judging. Praise yourself for that. It is impressive and a trap that doesn’t help.
Keep moving ahead and remember you are doing what best fits your family needs. Your son goes to care sometimes. You go to grocery store (I believe.) You are not going to dance parties or bars (I think). We do our best and hope everyone is safe.
IT IS HARD.
I get so much strength from you. THANK YOU.
I’m wide awake, past midnight, replaying a very effort-full outdoor but semi-masked, semi- socially distant evening with local family. I’m slightly panicked after having exposed myself and my immediate family (and – by the other side of the same coin – having possibly exposed the local family) to the virus. A lot of measures were taken by all of us to make it relatively safe. But it was far from perfect, and some brought more risk to the table then I’d fully realized beforehand. We had been mostly isolated (but not entirely since I was in a grocery store) for over a week to feel good about even risking this local gathering. But we discovered that the local family had been much less cautious than us, and now it’s eating away at me. How can they be so cavalier? Why different rules for different sectors of the family? It’s confusing, and now a little alarming for me. Worse, I’m supposed to drive myself and my two kids a few hours away tomorrow to stay with my brother for a night. We’d protected ourselves and been responsible leading up to this, our first visit anywhere since Summer and only second of any thing outside our small bubble since March. But my brother’s family isn’t quite as cautious as us either. And now I feel sick to my stomach thinking about all the risk…
All that to say that… well I guess you’re not alone in having these wildly conflicting thoughts and emotions. I don’t know… I’m not even certain why I’m commenting. I just recognize the conflicting thoughts and frustration you’re feeling in my own head and heart and wanted to reach out. My Christmas-tired, Covid-weary brain is all over the place… It’s a new, special brand of 2020 family holiday drama in a way, no? Sigh… Wishing you the best as you wade through this in your own mind. I’ll be over here, wide awake, doing the same.
It’s not too late to not go, especially if you think you were exposed!
The reality is, if you want to keep the peace you have to pretend you’re ok with everybody else’s decisions, even though many many people are behaving in a way that I would describe as cavalier, and in a way that increases risk for everybody. It’s not fair, but you’re not allowed to say so because it’s largely not possible to remain friends with people when you tell them you don’t approve of what they are doing. So you sit and try to reconcile their foolish decisions with the fact that you love them, and you can’t because the two things are not reconcilable. The only way to make it through is to pretend that what they are doing is “just an individual choice” and a “reflection of difference risk tolerance.” That is why this is hard. I’ve found that basically every single person I know has had family fly into visit them. Maybe I’m the fool for not doing whatever I want for myself.
It’s not you. Your relatives made reckless, irresponsible choices. Like many many people are doing, which is we are where we’re at. (I have no problem judging other people who are increasing everyone’s risk when all the have to do is stay the fuck home.) It’s not just the maskless yahoos at Trump rallies causing this.
I’m eagerly reading these comments to help me too. Yesterday as the sounds from my neighbors’ Christmas gathering were so loud I could hear them inside my house, I asked my husband if we’re doing this wrong. Why are we giving up dear things when others are not? It was kind of breaking moment for me. I had another “break” earlier this summer when a blogger was posting about debating whether to take her anniversary trip by plane. As though loads of other people hadn’t sacrificed that and more. I can’t figure out how to purge these bad feelings.
As you said in your post – “Surely he understands the risks.”
This is exactly it. He does. And he has come to a different determination of the risk and how worried about it to be than you have.
I think this line of your was very insightful – “I don’t see how I can admit their choices are acceptable and still be okay with my own choices because then I’d be abstaining from things that make me happy for no reason at all…”
Honestly, I think that’s what it is coming down to for a LOT of folks now. People have become so deeply entrenched in their beliefs about this virus because of their news source, local community/friend beliefs, etc. that it’s going to be DAMN hard for anyone to admit that maybe their specific interpretation of how to handle this virus wasn’t the only “right” way and maybe they gave up too much or too little.
I work for a medical center, and I have to say that the vast majority of medical professionals I’m in contact with are NOT panicked about this virus. If you live in a densely populated area with spiking cases and are 80+ with other existing health conditions, then sure, you should be more cautious – just like you would for any other virus out there. But I’m sorry, I simply do NOT agree with the necessity of ongoing lockdowns and restrictions going on in our country. I don’t. As I mentioned on another post, every patient we have lost this year has died because of other existing chronic health conditions that weren’t being taken care of because of their COVID-fear. People are losing their homes, their businesses, their livelihoods, their marriages, their happiness… all because of the crazy extremes we are taking. The true cost of these ongoing restrictions and lockdowns is becoming more apparent every day. Medical professionals are leaving the profession every day because of the burnout. It’s not sustainable. My boss (the doc who owns the practice) actually took the entire staff to Mexico last month for 5 days just to get a frickin’ mental break because we are all so burnt out 9 months into this and he’s genuinely concerned about us. It was incredible to be down there where mask wearing isn’t politicized so everyone wore them without complaint AND there isn’t the same fear-mongering by the media, so even with masks on, life pretty much felt normal down there (we were in Mazatlán – the same place I’ve been 5x in the past 3 years).
I don’t know… I’m sure some people are horrified that I’ve been on 12 planes in the past 9 months (3 trips with layovers both ways on each), but for me, the minute exposure in crazily clear airports and planes feels way less dangerous than walking into the Wal-Mart or Kroger stores around here, and my mental health needed it. We are all making the best decisions we can based on the information we have and the personal health conditions that affect us.
Yeh, actually I’m horrified by your accounts and attitude.
Happy New Year,
Anon in mass
I’m curious what your thoughts are on the overwhelmed ICUs and the health professionals that have to ration care to the sick and dying. Older people generally get sick when family or home health aides give it to them. They aren’t making the choices that lead them to get sick, but when so many people have it that community spread becomes rampant, they end up getting it from others (because they can’t live without the help of others). What are your thoughts on that aspect of this?
I don’t understand. Are you burnt out because the hospitals are crowded? The healthcare providers I know who are burnt out feel that way because covid surged in their communities and they saw weeks of unrelenting illness and death that they couldn’t stop because they didn’t have enough resources and manpower. The lockdowns are designed to stop that very situation!
Also did you ever consider that the airports are empty when you travel because OTHER people are staying home? You are safe because other people are doing the work and hunkering down to keep you that way! It must be nice to feel comfortable taking advantage of other people’s sacrifice.
Annie – We are burnt out because the business of practicing medicine in our country is freakin’ hard, and it’s gotten a hundred times worse with the pandemic. We spend an incredible amount of time and energy reassuring panicked patients, convincing them that they still need to see their doctor for chronic and acute care, following all of the PPE protocols & procedures, etc.
I didn’t say that airports were empty. I said that they were clean. People are very conscious of social distancing, compliant about mask wearing, etc. in every airport I’ve been in. There are also temp checks and sanitizer stations and such everywhere.
Oh you said clear so I thought you meant that people weren’t there.
Just a typo, sorry for the confusion 🙂
I think about this all the time. A lot of families in my son’s school are having indoor playing dates and going on trips. I don’t understand why they think it’s okay. And they aren’t doing the play dates for childcare reasons which is obviously totally different. A bunch of girls in one grade all got covid after doing a series of play dates. I can’t stop going over this in my head. I don’t understand it!!!
Yeah, responses like K’s are the reason so many doctors I know are literally afraid to speak candidly with the general public about their beliefs on this topic. There is so much hate and judgement if you dare have a dissenting opinion from the current liberal hive mind. I say that as a hard core left wing liberal who is completely disillusioned with how my “friends” have treated people with differing opinions in the past 9 months.
Yes, there are some ICUs that are overwhelmed, but the vast majority are not, that is the point. The media loves to post click-bait articles about how hospital beds are almost full — but very few mention that hospitals nearly ALWAYS run at near capacity levels because empty beds don’t make money so hospitals are built to mirror the anticipated needs of their areas. The vast majority of people sick from community spread are completely fine. The vast majority of people who actually die from COVID-19 complications are elderly and had other contributing chronic health conditions. Those are facts. People keep saying that we should lock down if it could save one life… but what about the OTHER lives that these continued lockdowns are taking or destroying because of untreated chronic conditions, increased suicides, lost businesses, etc? That’s where this topic gets really murky.
I find this website from the CDC to be super informative. https://www.cdc.gov/nhsn/covid19/report-patient-impact.html
For example, did you know that only 2% of hospital beds in Colorado are occupied by COVID patients and that 49% of our ICU beds are occupied?
For California, those numbers are 11% of hospital beds occupied by COVID patients and 64.5% of your ICU beds are occupied in the state as whole.
But it’s impossible to isolate elderly people! They have caregivers! Many live in intergenerational households with frontline workers! Some are frontline workers themselves! I get that being outside of an urban area you have a different perspective, but in areas with high transmission we all need to completely refrain from unmasked, indoor contact with people outside of our households so that we can bring transmission down and protect the vulnerable. I’m not scared of getting the virus. But I’m terrified of getting the virus and passing it along to a grocery worker or a waiter who lives with his grandmother. We don’t have to pick between the economy and safety — we could have had more robust and longer lasting income and small business support that was easier to access. Congress should have bailed out the restaurant and nightlife industry. Instead American individualism has led to this health and economic crisis.
Who said anything about unmasked, indoor contact with people from outside of our households being a good idea? I agree that gatherings of large groups indoors doesn’t make sense right now.
I had COVID last summer, and we tested 24 people because of me (my husband and children, coworkers, and a couple of close friends). ONE of those 24 was positive (a friend), and we don’t know if she gave it to me or vice versa or if our cases were even related. Both of us had mild cases, no long term issues, etc. My friend also had her coworkers and family members tested with zero cases of transmission.
But I was lamenting three households (8 people in all) meeting unmasked in a house for Christmas (after two had been flying) and you suggested that was fine because these restrictions were not warranted. Is that not large enough of a group to take issue at?
No, I honestly wouldn’t take issue with a group of 8 people. The town I’m in is very liberal and people are very good about mask compliance, etc. (we had our own mandatory mask rules in effect by July 1st before the state followed suit), but I go 30 minutes north of here to the town where we do our shopping (groceries, Target, etc) and I bet 50% of the people DGAF and don’t wear masks or give social distance, etc. I’d be way more concerned about my exposure in the grocery store here than I would be from traveling. We just flew back last Tuesday, and the airports are SO strict right now (in a good way). Temp checks before you come in the front door in Maz, health questionnaires and attestations that have to be completed before you even get to security, very strict mask compliance rules, everyone was gracious about personal space and keeping distance, no food/drink served on flights anymore, etc.
Long story short, no, I don’t feel like flying is the crazy risk factor right now. I think your exposure can vary significantly in daily life depending on the area you live in and the political leanings (since this country has politicized the whole damn thing). I have to say it was really refreshing to be in Mazatlan where everyone wore masks without complaint (100% in restaurants/stores and a lot even just walking down the sidewalk outside). IMO, our country really fucked up (fucking Trump, but the left was part of the politicization as well) by making masks a political thing.
It’s hard to discount the risk when public health officials are saying that the virus is spreading through indoor gatherings. Most people I know who got it got it after spending time socially with someone indoors (play date, dinner party, etc). I suppose it depends on which part of the country you are in but in CA, I think this would be dangerous.
Well it seems like most places that do have restrictions aren’t truly locked down but instead are trying to prevent unmasked contact which is why restaurants and bars are closed. In California retail is open but capacity is limited. None of these restrictions feel overly onerous to me as a customer. Are there places in the states with stricter restrictions? Because if so, yeah, maybe that would be too much now considering masks seem to work well and transmission is less likely outdoors. The issue seems to be (1) people continuing to gather indoors socially and (2) workplaces not enforcing the safety measures. In thinking about it, my issue with OP’s relatives is not so much that they traveled but more that they are gathering indoors without masks!
But we are on a lock down because less than 15% of our ICU beds are available. And that is the case in all counties in CA except for one. Is the CDC page general hospital beds and not ICU beds? Also my understanding is that it’s not about actual beds but the staff to provide care – that is what hospitals don’t have enough of. At least that is my understanding.
Also, the data on the page you linked to is for July…
Your first paragraph really points to your belief and mindset that let’s me or others know there is no point in “discussing” this point with you.
I work in social work that is daily aligned with physician offices here in Massachusetts and would argue that docs are not up front and candid with their patients on a regular basis. But I work with low income individuals that also happen to have complex/severe behavioral health issues….so whatever.
I’ve also learned that being an MD does not make an individual a “good” person…..and across all medical specialties there is huge difference in opinion, morality, knowledge and bed side manner.
Your opinion is yours and absolutely allowed, but its impact is tremendously damaging; pre,during and post pandemic.
Anon in mass
I just want to clarify that I don’t think having an MD makes someone a good person. My cousin is an MD and I believe HE is a good person and an intelligent individual, but I believe that because of my personal relationship to him, not because he is a doctor. Maybe it is wrong for me to assume all MDs can assess the public health implications of personal actions because they are, in the end, people too. I honestly have no idea how it came to be that his parents flew to visit and they all ended up inside together, but I’m assuming that since he was there without a mask himself he not only accepted the situation, but that he approved of it by participating in it.
It looks like it wasn’t clear but I was responding to josey here,
I’m glad your post went up. Let’s hope it gets people talking about this more.
Anon in mass
I think other people don’t worry as much about spreading it to others. I’ve noticed that frontline workers are invisible to so many people. They don’t realize that if restaurants are open, a bus boy can get sick and even worse, this bus boy may live with a diabetic relative. I also think that other people assume that if they get it, they will be fine and so they discount the risk of having serious covid and taking up a hospital bed. Also, inexplicably, people have a dangerous blind spot when it comes to people they know well and they think they can’t possibly get it from them. I think you are more rational and more aware of essential workers than a lot of Americans. This virus has exposed how terribly we treat our workforce.
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/covid-hospitals-near-you.html
How full were your hospitals when article ran and how full are they now and how full will they be in 2-3 weeks are question to consider.
How have admissions standards altered re how sick you have to be to be admitted for covid care?
I understand some hospitals had enough vaccine to cover all employees who are in contact with covid positive patients……. and others don’t. What was the status at your hospital?
Maybe, at some point in the far future, you can inquire about the decisions made. But for now, let us hope the spread stops. Too many are dead or dying.
We have been working with this question this whole pandemic. We see people we know making very different decisions across the board and obviously lots of them are different from ours.
What we explained to JB is this: we have to make the best decision we can for our family. Everyone else has to make the best decisions they can for their families. Those will not look the same. And I do not agree with many of them but I’m not in charge of their families, I’m only in charge of mine and the risks we are willing to run. We are choosing to be much more restrictive for ourselves, knowing this is out of step with at least half of our family and friends, and it’s disappointing for all of us to see them enjoying the fun we’re not enjoying but that’s just the end result of our all having the right to our own decisions.
I can be horrified by other people’s decisions without getting into it with them. It’s my opinion, I can have it if I want to. I’m not obligated to share it though, and often I don’t because it’s not like I’m going to change their minds if I do. I DO judge people who are being disgustingly reckless and knowingly exposing other people without their consent but that’s different from not discussing differing risk levels.
Scalzi talked about his post covid brain fog and how he’s having trouble plotting, which he’s never had before. At this point most of my RAs and half of my in person students last semester have gotten covid and the brain stuff is real. My RA who got it last summer still isn’t mentally back at 100%. To me that’s horrifying.
People like Josey above just don’t care. It’s disgusting. I hope selfish people ARE afraid to not keep their mouths shut. Because they do real damage when they open them. (Wish Josey had kept hers shut. Also am aware that med school doesn’t teach the difference between “opinion” and facts.) Agree 100% with anon in mass on this.
N&M:
1) Thank you for sharing what you see in a university setting: “most of my RAs and half of my in person students last semester have gotten covid and the brain stuff is real. My RA who got it last summer still isn’t mentally back at 100%.”
2) My adult absolute 1000% protection, avoidant, even running in mask and never in commercial settings, child, whose living is based on thinking skills ~ is just barely on the road to recovery … and no one can say when or if it will be clear if there is residual damage, or hidden consequences, or if or when doctors will know what and how to look for these impacts.
3) My emotional reactions to ‘super spreader herd people’ who are now lining up to get first vaccines; and to those who simply could not bother with simple precautions like masks and spread the disease and took risks with “other people’s” lives for their own greed and ego …….. well. Better I erase and you guess.
Returning to: Today my immediate family, unlike millions of other people’s family members, that were alive a year ago, are alive. Today I am very very lucky and grateful. Today, the restrictions, while not fun, are worth while. And, I hope that holds …….. because there is no certainty of that for tomorrow no matter the care they take.
It’s interesting to me that people like Nicoleandmaggie claim I “just don’t care” when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve talked with noemi before about how crazy different our experience has been with this pandemic based on where we live. I looked at the link purpleandrose linked to (thank you for that! and yes, we thankfully have enough vaccines for all medical workers, EMTs, etc. in my county), and the hospital ICU levels around me look nothing like the ones in California. Our realities are just completely different. Our rates are way lower here. The severity of infection here has also been really low. I personally know a couple dozen people who have had it – all with zero long term side effects. I don’t know even ONE long hauler. We (as a clinic) have literally lost more patients in the past 9 months because of the heart attacks, strokes, etc. that are now happening at home and untreated chronic conditions than we have to COVID. I do care deeply about people – I wouldn’t work in medicine for the past decade if I didn’t. Life just looks a lot different here (rural Colorado) in a variety of ways, and COVID is no exception. And my boss is 100% one of the smartest, kindest, most empathetic people I’ve ever met in my life, so it’s laughable to me that people are making all sorts of assumptions about his character and knowledge in these comments simply because his opinion differs from theirs. FWIW, it’s the collective view of the medical providers in my area, not just my boss. Again, different area – different circumstances – different realities.
Anyway, I’m going to step away from this comment section because it’s clear we all have our opinions set (though K seems to want to allude it’s only me who isn’t open to discussion, ha!) and when people start attacking personally, I’m done.
neomi – I love you lady. I hope we get to see each other in person again some day (post-pandemic, obviously). Just going to take a break from your page and your comment warriors.
xoxo
Well I don’t think this comment section discussion was much of an attack….this seems to often get stated when one is held accountable for making outrageous statements.
Clearly I cannot make a comment on the physicians in your office as individuals,I don’t know you or them. My comment was on how we make conclusions about someone based solely on their status as a doctor.
And it was your wording of the “liberal mindset” that told me more about where you were coming from.
Lastly whether it is you or someone else. Um, even if you live in asmall area of Colorado or wherever, that really hasn’t seen much of the devastation. Do you not read? Have you not been paying to anything other than your small, “safe” community?
You are one person among several billion, how can what is being pointed out here not compute?
Take care really
Josey had a comment earlier (maybe on a previous thread) that was very reminiscent of the FL governor saying, “Why don’t we show pictures of the 99 people who got covid and DIDN’T die?” It’s playing fast and loose with people’s lives.
A thought exercise: compare the number of covid deaths in the US (333k and counting) to the size of the town in which you live. How many towns worth of people is that for you? This is real. This is a lot of people. Many of these people left grieving people who loved them. They’ve left children and families and friends and jobs. I don’t know if empathy can be taught, but I do know that for people who have empathy just thinking about and visualizing the implications is helpful to understand what is going on and why this can’t be Pooh poohed.
Anon Canadian here.
K, Josey’s comments about being personally attacked are 100% correct. Nicoleandmaggy suggested that Josey (1) doesn’t care (which she claims is disgusting), (2) is selfish, (3) does real damage when she opens her mouth, and (4) wishes Josey kept hers shut. Sounds pretty personal to me.
Having read through all of the comments, Josey is not suggesting COVID isn’t “real”. She has a different perspective based on where she lives. Throughout my province, there are some kids that are in school and others have been mandated to remote learning – all based on the circumstances in their geographical location. The entire province is in lockdown right now, but this lockdown will be lifted by jurisdiction based on the COVID numbers within said jurisdictions. If you live in a rural area where COVID isn’t wide spread, the rules may not be as tight as those in CA or MA or wherever Nicoleandmaggy lives.
The division created by some of these comments is pretty unbelievable.
I see a collectivist vs individual mindset a lot in these conversations. We make decisions based on our individual risk but the risks we take aggregate. I wish more people were making decisions based on the most vulnerable among us. The elderly are not the only one. There are many many immunocompromised people of all ages. I think if we collectively had both better leadership (and masks were depoliticized) and a different frame for calculating risk we would probably have less restrictions overall because we’d have less spread. The decisions of those willing to take risks or those who don’t mask affect everyone.
Noemi, I struggle with a similar issue. My BIL and SIL traveled with their 2.5 yo to meet my MIL twice this year. In Colorado this summer and Wyoming now. They do social distanced activities (except they interact with each other unmasked, coming from AZ and KY). It grinds my gears to see them make these choices.
For them they are mitigating their risk as much as possible but I see their privilege in these decisions. Privilege that other people who are working to provide lodging, food, and travel arrangements don’t have. They don’t seem to think of the impact of others. They mediate their risk but I wonder if the risk to others enters into their calculations at all.
I agree with this perspective completely. We are interconnected. There is no individual risk.
I agree with the comments – it’s a big problem MDs don’t learn how to understand and interpret data. and Josey is either in that category or being deliberately selfish.
The original post is something I’ve struggled with too. My current thinking is that people are VERY bad at giving up short term pleasure for long term gain. That’s why we pollute, have credit card debt, etc. The pandemic is another example. People convince themselves their behavior isn’t that bad because they don’t want to give up short term pleasure. It’s the ‘wrong’ decision in terms of the risk to themselves, their family, and their community. but individual people are selfish and pretty dumb about this stuff 🙂 That’s why we’re supposed to have a government
I don’t have anything to add except that I understand what you’re going through. Our province has the highest COVID rate in Canada right now and from Dec 13-Jan 12 there are no indoor or outdoor gatherings allowed with people outside your household. Period. I’m sure at least 50% of our province got together on Christmas day with people outside their household, in violation of the law. My in-laws and my sister-in-law + her family (kids/partner) got together on Christmas. They do not live together, so this was an illegal gathering. My sister-in-law is an RN who has been raging about ‘covidiots’ for months. I find this hard to grapple with. Smart people, who have been vocal about their COVID ‘position’ flagrantly violating the rules because they became inconvenient. How is it that people don’t see that their individual behaviour is not in a vacuum? People thinks “it’s just one gathering” or “I’m being safe” – how can people not see that everyone has those thoughts, and when you add up millions of individual decisions, you get population-level impacts?
These gatherings enrage me. I get very frustrated when people talk about individual risk tolerance or making decisions for their families. These decisions affect other people. It’s a collective issue, not an individual one.
This post is powerful. http://themountainsarecalling.blogspot.com/2020/12/december-26.html
Thank you to all who have commented and shared and ……. The support and honesty is sustaining and helpful. I am so clear on the alternatives to being 1000% on ‘team prevent the spread’. I lost a parent as a child. Some people are losing so many family members and friends….. I think for many that is unthinkable so they disbelieve it could be real for them.
N. CA Kaiser is limiting surgeries to essential life saving events.
The middle of January looks………
Be safe, be careful, be here. Please post. It tells me you are still ok. That matters to me, I am a crackerjack queen of worry … I care.
I spent months being angry at and flabbergasted by the choices of people in my life until I realized I was trying to force my understanding of their new behaviors into my view of who I believed them to be. Ultimately I realized many were just not who I thought they were, that many had been wearing a mask that this pandemic stripped away. For one group, it is an issue of intelligence or lack of education (the ones who think wearing a face mask is dangerous for the general public or that this disease isn’t dangerous/only affects the elderly) – they are clearly either incapable of understanding the scientific literature or have not been taught how to seek out and interpret authoritative sources. I actually feel sorry for these folks. For a second group, however, I’ve realized they are just SELFISH. Unfortunately many of these people are those that I thought were strong Christians but who clearly have little love for their neighbors and only true love for themselves and their immediate interests. I go through phases of being very sad that I was so wrong about who they are and relieved that I’ve learned their true nature and can now make different choices about where to invest my time and energy. I see a small third category of people who are making different choices than I am but the differences are smaller/more reasonable and are more tied to risk tolerance. I don’t always agree with this group but CAN understand how they arrived at different conclusions than I did (i.e. my friend sending her kids in person to a small private school or my friend sending her kids in person to a public school that is requiring masks even though both of them could keep their kids home).
So, basically, I learned more about my friends/acquaintances and it changed the way I thought of many of them and that’s ok. But… dang – looking at our country overall, Americans are much dumber than I previously thought and more selfish than I previously believed.
I hear you. It’s hard. We spent Christmas alone, and will likely do the same for New Year’s Eve unless it gets really nice outside and we can see people outside. I’m not about freezing around a fire pit.
My mom lives in a small town in the south and after isolating for months and months thought she’d run to a local office store for printer supplies rather than use Amazon or Walmart. She walked in and she was the only one in a mask. She asked the workers why they weren’t wearing one and they said, oh I don’t know anyone with covid. She said (and this is true) oh well one of my best friends is dying of it. Her friend has since died, in a retirement home with covid running rampant. The people who work there don’t live there, they live at home, in the same town where the men didn’t care about masks because they didn’t know anybody. My mom didn’t visit her friend at the end, which was the safe thing to do, especially as some who did have also gotten covid.
I know many who have died. If we are saying that people who had health conditions deserved to die years earlier than we might have then we can say few of them died of covid. But those health conditions were being managed until covid. And some were perfectly healthy. Others got it and still haven’t fully recovered and may never.
As my mom said, she’ll miss seeing my nephew for a year in order to watch him grow up. He wouldn’t remember her or my dad if they died now. Even if he only sees her online for months more, he gets to see her and know her and they could easily live another 10-20 years or more, based on our family tree. That’s a lot more holidays down the road.