Distracted

I know when I saw that this was a rough week, I don’t speak only for myself. It was a very, very rough week for all of us.

Even before the election, I really struggled to get a damn thing done. On Tuesday I was mess. By the end of the night I was sure Trump would win and grieved accordingly. It all felt so familiar that I didn’t even cry (I almost did, but I kept it down because I refused to let that @$$hole affect me in that way).

I took something to help me sleep that night and was pleasantly surprised the next morning when things looked better. But I’m still not letting myself feel relief. Even if Biden does win, we’ve seen how a huge portion of our country feels about Trumpism – they aren’t just willing to endure it, they have embraced it wholeheartedly and enthusiastically. McConnell will most likely control the Senate and Biden will get nothing done even if he his elected President. This country is a mess and if I didn’t live in such a liberal stronghold I would be more actively researching ways to leave it (right now I’m only casually exploring other country’s visa requirements).

So yeah, the outcome might not be as awful as it could be, but at this point we know it won’t be very good. Having felt the horrible despair of assuming Trump won again on Tuesday has helped me weather the uncertainty of this week, and the disappointment of knowing just how enthusiastically our country has embraced a man who sows hatred and division, while attacking the very fabric of our democracy.

I really have struggled this week to get a damn thing done. But I did manage to enroll my son in a childcare program at my district. He’ll go Tuesday and Thursday and he starts next week. The M/W/F program was all Kindergarteners and we felt like 5 days a week was too much, since he’ll have a lot less work than the kids in my district, who are getting a much more robust distance learning experience and need more time to attend zooms and do work. We’ll see how it goes.

I ran yesterday and afterward I was finally able to sit down and score two class’s worth of assessments. I also scheduled all my morning emails to send. I need to get into the habit of this because once I’m commuting to my classroom I won’t have time to email anyone before the school day starts.

I finished the second book of The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin. I’m loving it so much. I can’t wait to start the final installment.

I hope you’re all hanging in there, and that we feel more confident about the outcome of the election before soon.