I’m taking another break from the news cycle. I can’t stand watching Republicans talk about how inconsequential this virus is, telling Americans to just go on living their lives.
I hate Republicans. I really do. At least I hate Republican lawmakers. And I hate the person I am when I read about them. I don’t want to hate people. I don’t want to be someone who delights in the suffering of others. But that is what I do when I read about Republicans right now. I don’t want them to have that kind of control over me, I don’t want them to drag me down to their level, so I’m going to disengage.
I’m very glad that my Republican extended family is far away from me, and that I’m not on social media so I don’t see the horrible, ugly, falsehoods they surely post. If I knew, really knew for sure, that extended family still support Trump and the current Republican party, I don’t think I could engage with them again in any kind of meaningful way. I’m glad I just don’t know, and I hope I never know.
I know that makes me a coward. But being a coward is all I’ve got right now.
Does this make me close minded? Am I the one who is failing to embrace empathy and understanding? Am I as bad as them when I say (and feel! – truly feel!) things like that?
Maybe.
Everything feels so unfair right now. It feels monumentally unfair that I have to worry about the future of my country because of uneducated, bigoted people who don’t live anywhere near me. I recognize that things only feel unfair to me now because the whole system was set up to support me and ensure my success, which is why things felt so “fair” for so long. I recognize that for so many people in this country things have always felt this unfair, and this fraught.
That makes me even sadder.
I don’t know how to create positive change. I believe the system was created so that positive change is all but impossible. The system has been honed over the years (decades) to give the rich white men all the power, and to make it very hard for anyone else to create change.
Yes, I can vote. And I will vote. But my vote won’t really matter because California always votes democrat and the electoral college assures that my vote, my actual vote, is all but meaningless. The biggest impact my vote might make is in the tally of popular votes that are counted, but don’t actually count. Instead someone thousands of miles away from me has a vote that is worth far more than my own.
I can’t believe I used to marvel at the complexity of our government, of all the safe guards that were put in place to ensure things were balanced, and fair. I marveled at the three branches of government, at the idea of “checks and balances.” I was such an ignorant fool.
But most of all, I hate that the people who undermine the system are the ones that claim the moral high ground, that they call me the heathen living in a liberal hell hole, and proclaim themselves on the side of goodness and truth. The people who do nothing but lie and maneuver themselves around actual facts.
They probable believe it. And if two people can believe such different things. I don’t really see how we come out of this together.
I think what’s happening is that I’m realizing that no matter how the election ends, or what happens in January, I will never love my country again. I will never have faith in that fairness. Which is probably for the best, because that fairness never existed in the first place. All of it has always been a lie.
Sorry for such a downer post. It’s where my head’s at these days.
I am with you 100%. I really don’t feel bad for wishing ill upon Republican lawmakers. They are actively destroying our country and the lives of millions of people who live here. Many of them (the president, McConnell, Miller) have done unimaginable harm to our country. Why should we have any empathy for them when they have exhibit no empathy for anyone else? I am so sick of the false equivalence. Yeah, some people on the left are strident and overly quick to judge and sure, it can be off-putting and obnoxious. But our problem is not polarization and lack of civility. The problem is that a group of republicans are stretching our constitutional norms to the limit, while destroying the planet, letting millions of Americans suffer, and ignoring the will of the people. It’s sickening and horrifying.
Thank you. I agree. And the false equivalencies are infuriating. I’m supposed to embrace a group of people who have made it their mission to destroy the lives of everyone who is not white, male and wealthy? No thank you. I’m so, so done.
I understand the way you’re feeling and you’re right to be unimpressed by the lesser of two evils in the Democratic party. I’m holding on to the modest hope that over the next decade or so, enough people get tired of carrying their respective party lines that they rebel and go progressive so we can have a genuine third party option that has the support to compete with both sides. There’s increasingly little interest in the common good yet that I feel is what more people on both sides truly want. That’s why Bernie lit such a fire that will burn within Ocasio Cortez and others like her for years to come. If you want a change of pace, I recommend reading up on Eugene V. Debs. He was the original Bernie Sanders.
If financially it’s an option, I would recommend making donations to down ballot races in red or purple states. (I live in a red corner of a purple state where we don’t even always field Democrats for a lot of races in the area.) We’re unfortunately finding out how much power the president has but Congress and state legislatures still can influence things a lot too.
That is a good idea. Thanks.
Thank you for voting.
Thank you for fighting.
Thank you for standing up and wanting a fairer, more honest, more human centered world.
I don’t know what will happen. I want to believe that in 3 decades (I will probably not see that) things will be not only different than today (pretty good bet) but also a better, fairer, more equitable, more educated, more caring nation and world. But we don’t know that it will be. At least it is now far more obvious that a great deal of work will be needed over a prolonged time. And the fates of our children and grandchildren etc are at stake and risk.
To achieve that we (as a collective nation) seem to have needed a really long hard ugly look at current reality. I hope it was more than adequate. It is going to be a long hard fight. Please don’t quit.
Thank you for commenting and supporting. Always.
Judging a whole group of people because of your preconceived notion of who they are seems tiring, so I understand why you need a break.
Well, I’m judging Republican lawmakers by their actions (or lack of action). And I’m judging the people who support those lawmakers for supporting the lawmakers, and therefore supporting the actions those lawmakers take. I’m not judging anybody by who I think they are, but by what they are willing, and not willing, to do.
I honestly felt the same after reading this post. I’m quite liberal, but the majority of people around me are not (including my husband, brother, and sis-in-law, the 3 people I hang out with most). Honestly, I still don’t agree with the vast majority of their opinions & beliefs, but it’s opened my eyes to the terrible way liberals are treating conservatives right now as well. It’s definitely not a one way street. I’ve completely unfollowed my most liberal friends (including one of my sisters) because it’s disgusting how they are speaking as well.
It’s fair to be hurt and appalled by my post. But I stand by hating Republican lawmakers, who change the rules constantly for their own gain, and I stand by wanting to have nothing to do with people who still support a president who embraces white supremacy and undermines the safety and economic security of every person in this country for his own, personal gain. I just don’t know how to accept people who accept that. Maybe you can tell me how you do it…
I think it’s interesting that people find vitriolic language by liberals so ugly, but can look past the vitriolic language of our president, who says some of the most hate filled things I’ve ever seen. I guess it feels different when you, or the people you love, identify with where the hate is being directed, and it’s okay when it’s being directed elsewhere.
What are they saying that’s so disgusting? That the President is a madman who has endangered millions of Americans with his cavalier attitude toward the virus? That he and his cronies are cruel for separating families and putting children in cages? That he is racist and that the people who support him are either racist or tolerate racism? It’s absolutely wrong for liberals to call republican voters uneducated, stupid, etc. But the republican party is a force for bad in this world in a way that liberals are not. One party is putting children in cages, refusing to wear masks, erecting barriers to fair voting, attempting to limit reproductive rights, and ignoring climate change.
I am not a bigot nor am I uneducated. I have two doctorate degrees. I had a substantial amount of student loans that I only recently paid off. I did that while struggling with infertility and no health care because my husband and I are both self employed. Health care options in this country are severely limited if you do not have employer offered health care and they have gotten substantially worse for us since Obamacare. I also work in health care so I’ve seen the damage done from that point of view as well. I had no paid maternity leave but my husband and I found a way and we survived. We have worked and struggled for everything we have and have built a life we are proud of. We are in our mid to late forties so we are trying now to fund our own retirements, take care of aging parents, and figure out how to raise our now elementary-junior high age children. We generally vote Republican because frankly, we just want to be able to live the life we have worked hard to build without having to support others who are unwilling to do the same. I don’t want to pay for college for all, fund maternity leave for all, pay for health care for the masses when my own family does not have it. It feels like the Democrats just take and take and take until there is nothing left to give. It also feels like there is very little tolerance from your side. You just publically stated that you hate Republicans and called us bigoted and uneducated. Maybe this is the biggest problem with America right now. There is no empathy. No understanding. No kindness. No tolerance for anyone who might have a different point of view from your own. We hate any and all difference. The “I am right. You are wrong” mentality is not getting us anywhere. Not everyone who votes for Trump is an uneducated bigot but if you don’t want to vote for Biden what options are there in our current system? I live way across the country from you in a small little town. I have enjoyed reading about your life for years. I appreciate your point of view but I don’t live in San Francisco. The Biden/Harris ticket won’t best serve me or my family so they won’t get my vote. I don’t think that automatically makes me deserving of your hate. There are good Republicans. Please don’t write us all off…
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I appreciate you leaving it instead of just writing me off.
I have to admit, it is very hard for me to understand people who still support Trump, after everything he has done. I could never have voted for someone who thought he could just grab any woman “by the pussy” and I would never think someone’s policies make that attitude toward women okay. But even his policies, and those of Republicans for decades, I don’t understand or support. All of the hardships you mentioned are made worse by Republican policy. Republicans are in the business of helping the wealthy keep their money, not of providing health care, affordable higher education or safety nets for the majority of Americans.
Can you tell me what Republican policies you believe will serve you and other Americans? What Democratic policies do believe harm you? I know we’re far away from each other, but it seems like they would be the same no matter where we live (I only brought up people far away making choices that affect me because the electoral college deems their votes more important than my own).
Honestly, you are a saint if you truly appreciate her comment but whatever….I too am intelligent and educated but also grew up in the northeast to hippie parents. The thinking that we live in a society that cannot support, even a small bit, the collective good of all is sickening. And her attitude is partly why folks continue to lap up the shit trump spews. I have respect for those true republicans that can call out and object to what he is doing(there are a few) but the idea that someone lives in this country and does not benefit from government support is fucking false. Just look at how little trump hole has contributed to taxes. I know you get it so I am preaching to the choir. But our country has been so effing sick for so long and that is evident in how this moron was elected in the first place and then allowed his Continued criminal, destruction of this country.
PS. There are plenty of well educated people who are pretty stupid and buy into his shiz
Anon in mass
Yeah, I guess there are, and that is even more terrifying.
I’m honestly surprised so many people read this blog who support Trump. I feel I’ve been pretty clear that I loathe him? But I guess when you say you also loathe the lawmakers who cater to him, and the people who support them, is a different idea.
“pay for health care for the masses when my own family does not have it.”
Why don’t you have health care? Really.
In the past 4 years what has been done to make it more available for you and your family?
THANK YOU.
Nothing has been done in the past four years to make health care more affordable for my family and I don’t expect anything to change under the next Administration regardless of who wins. Our situation is unique in that my husband was laid off and we lost our health insurance. We are now both self employed and make just enough money to knock us out of the Obamacare exchanges. To really help my situation, they would need to have health care not tied to employment, open up more private plans, and allow people to purchase health insurance more like they purchase car insurance. I tried to explain some of my personal situation so the original poster could maybe understand there are why there are people out there who vote Republican. For the record, though I stated I generally vote Republican and I did not feel the Biden/Harris ticket best served my family. I never said that I voted for Trump, I didn’t but given the mostly two party candidate system, if you don’t want to vote for Biden, what option is there?
To the original poster, thank you for your response and for not attacking me. I know from reading your blog for awhile that we probably are on different ends of the aisle but I have always enjoyed your point of view. I’m trying to put down a meaningful response as to why I align more with the Republican party than the Democratic but I feel it might be a waste of time for all of us. Our country is too polarized, too on opposite ends. It seems like there is no one that can meet in the middle and work together. I wish that there were because after watching the Presidential Debate I honestly don’t want to vote… for either of them… Good luck with everything. I hope I am still welcome here.
If nothing happens to make health care more affordable during the next administration will that really be the Democrats fault? They are the only ones who ever even tried to make it better. And yes, the ACA is not perfect and, I would admit, very flawed, but Republicans have only tried to destroy it and have never come up with their own plan. They haven’t even tried. It’s easy to say, Democrats tried and failed so I guess I’ll stay with Republicans, but at least Democrats tried! Republicans never did and they never will because they DON’T WANT TO. Can you explain why that is okay for you?
You situation is NOT unique because your husband lost his job and you lost your health insurance. That is happening to literally MILLIONS OF AMERICANS in the middle of a DEVASTATING PANDEMIC THAT HAS KILLED 210,000 AMERICANS. And the Republicans still don’t care. They stopped negotiating a relief bill, so they aren’t even offering you relief in that sense. I’m sorry, but I can’t understand why you would support Republican policy when over and over again they prove they don’t care about you. Please, can you explain that to me? I’ve always wondered why so many people support the Republican part when it is almost ALWAYS against their financial and economic self-interest.
Virginia: Thank you for explaining. I really wondered. I think health care should be affordable and available to all in the richest country in the history of the world. I also think it ought not be tied to employment or ‘pre-existing’ conditions. I also think in the richest county in the history of the world that children should not go with out food.
“frankly, we just want to be able to live the life we have worked hard to build without having to support others who are unwilling to do the same”
Who are these *others* you speak of?
So Black people (and other people of color) who have NEVER had an equal shot because of centuries of systemic racism don’t “work hard” in your view? If someone needs the assistance of a social safety net due to no fault of their own, they’re lazy?
Well, before Obamacare, I could not find a non-employer based health insurance plan that provided maternity coverage. And I know plenty of freelancers with preexisting conditions that couldn’t find ANY coverage prior to Obamacare. The problem with Obamacare is that the subsidies don’t go deep enough and too many people are left out.
You realize that dozens and dozens of wealthy countries provide health insurance, parental leave, and college education for their citizens ,. . . Why is this too much to ask? I am happy to pay more taxes if it contributed to the collective well-being of our citizens.
Also, as a Jewish person, I felt unsafe when the President referred to the protestors at Charlottesville, shouting “Jews will not replace us” as “very fine people.” And a year later there was a mass shooting in a synagogue, motivated in part because the synagogue was welcoming refugees.
Well, it’s a good thing that you were able to have children already because Judge Barrett is affiliated with groups that says life begins at fertilization. What does that mean for IVF? https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/oct/01/amy-coney-barrett-supported-group-fertilization. Justice Breyer is 82. Who knows if he can survive another four year term? What will happen to reproductive rights then?
I am speechless. I always knew you and I didn’t have the same political viewpoints, but this hatred is just gross.
I came from nothing, am very intelligent, highly educated (I have a BS, MS, JD and working on a PhD), my husband has built a business from scratch and has over 500 employees in 6 states, and we take care of both of our families. Yet I am a horrible human being who deserves this venom? I realize this is your blog, but – mediocre (at best) middle school Spanish teacher should not be trying to call out anyone.
Come on now. You live in a state full of other people who believe like you and vote like you and you are still angry all the time. Honestly, name two things republicans have done in the last two years that have been so horrible to make you hate your country. You can’t.
You are why Trump won 4 years ago. You are why he will probably win again. I don’t hate people who disagree with my point of view. I don’t dance with joy when they get sick with covid. But then again, I don’t expect much from those who don’t have morals to begin with.
You may not hate people who disagree with your point of view, but if you are support someone who supports white supremacy you must hate a whole lot of other people. Or at least not care about them very much. I think I would rather hate people who use their power to undermine the rights of others, than support people who hate huge swaths of powerless people in this country.
If you don’t support white supremacy can you explain why you are okay supporting someone who does?
And I could name so many things that Republicans lawmakers have done in the last two years (or decades) that I hate, like gerrymandering voting districts so that more Republicans are elected than represent the actual amount of Republicans in an area, or suppressing the voting rights of minorities and other people who are less likely to support them. I hate that they denied Obama’s supreme court pick when the position opened in March of Obama’s last year but are fast tracking Trumps pick when the position opened mere weeks before the election. I hate they are trying to fill the Supreme Court with conservatives, so it no longer reflects the general population of the country. I hate that Republicans passed tax cuts on the rich, ballooning our debt (I thought Republicans were supposed to hate adding trillions of dollars of national debt too…) and making the 1% that much more powerful. I hate that they are rolling back protections against climate change, and deny climate change even exists. I hate that Republicans have spent decades ensuring that they have more control over all branches of government, at the federal and state level, even though they represent less of the actual population of the this country. I hate that Republicans said nothing when Trump enacted his Muslim bans, and when he sided with white supremacist and when he allowed children to be kept in cages. I could go on…
Please feel free to tell me what the Republican party has done in the last four years that you are proud of. I would genuinely like to know.
You can put me down on my blog. That is fine. But instead of doing just that, why don’t you help me to see your point of view?
Yes I understand that hating people is not the answer. I am not proud of how I feel. I want to be better. But Donald Trump is a monster. He doesn’t not care about anyone in America except himself. And I really don’t understand how to extend empathy to people who support a man who shows no empathy ever, to anyone. Not even to the people who support him! This is what I’m trying to figure out how to do. And I recognize my shortcomings in failing to do so.
Oh, and I didn’t dance with joy when Trump and so many of his supporters got Covid. I was actually worried because I assumed he (and they) would get excellent medical care, recover quickly, and continue to trumpet falsehoods about how it’s nothing to worry about (which is exactly what happened). I wasn’t surprised that he got it, with how few precautions he took to prevent getting it, but I didn’t dance with joy. And I don’t believe I ever wrote anything on here to suggest I did, so I would appreciate you not implying as much. (I guarantee you though, that if Biden or Harris or any other prominent Democrat got Covid, Trump himself would dance with joy. There is no doubt about that. So even if you don’t dance with joy yourself, you support a president who would, while telling someone else you assume did is an awful person.)
I hate that they won’t pass another round of aid to support the millions of Americans who cannot operate their businesses or go to work safely because of this deadly disease for which the federal government did very little to prepare ourselves. I hate that Trump and other republican lawmakers (though not all) have routinely undermined public health initiatives by refusing to wear a mask, making fun of people who do (watch the first debate?), and supporting protesters of the lockdowns which SAVED lives and would have continued to save lives if we kept it up.
I know you are not on social media but if you were this would have gotten BIG LIKES! Thank you for voicing what so many of us our feeling, as uncomfortable as it may be. ❤️
I’m so confused by this post. Do you really think that liberals can’t name two things republicans have done that are so harmful and enraging that we dislike this country and what it (currently) stands for? Why do you think we are so angry? It isn’t about us vs them. It’s about preventing and reversing harm.
Wow. Do you know what leaves me speechless? A person listing all of her degrees and her family’s successes to justify her next move of telling someone that they have no right to call someone else out.
I’m not sure why, and I grew up with both Republican and Democratic leaning families, people would think it makes sense to support Trump after everything he’s done to destroy our democracy and has been the primary reason so many people died in this pandemic – from his failure to lead. He is devoid of morals, compassion, leadership and empathy. He’s used his entire presidency for personal gain.
My hardcore lifelong Republican family and friends cannot abide him because he’s the complete opposite of a decent human being.
Biden is far from ideal, he’s not the candidate I ever wanted, but if it’s a choice between the black hole of a president we have now and literally anyone or anything else, I’m picking the latter.
I look at the Republican party as the politicians, and separate from the Republican voting citizens, and I cannot bear the Republican party’s complicity in allowing the Presidency to be sold down the river. This country has never lived up to its ideals, its never been as good as its propaganda but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to be better.
I understand that many people feel like they need to hold on to what they have. I came from nothing myself, I came from less than nothing because my father was a terrible person. But I wonder if people realize they did not build up from nothing entirely on their own. Yes, we had to work our butts off to get here and to hold on to what we have. Yes we still don’t have everything we feel would be a complete and comfortable lifestyle where you can lean back and rest for the rest of your adult life. I’d love to feel safe and stable after all those years of busting my behind. But did you do that without using roads, public education, public utilities? Did you do that entirely on your own without a single bit of infrastructure supported by taxes? Did you get here without a single helping hand from anyone else? I’d wager not.
So no, I don’t understand assuming that choosing healthcare for everyone is a matter of helping people who don’t want to help themselves. How do you know that’s the case? How do you know how many of them are working hard “enough” (and who gets to define that) and who isn’t? And why wouldn’t it be better for everyone to have decent healthcare for all, paid for by all of us? Wouldn’t that mean we all benefit? Absolutely untie it from employment, that’s never been a good idea. But why not consider healthcare a common and universal need for everyone so that none of us have to struggle so hard just to cover a basic need, like a public education? How does it benefit our country to have so many people who still can’t afford healthcare? I’m quite certain there’s data that if we’re just talking numbers, and not whether it’s humane, it’s cheaper to cover everyone so we reduce the number of people who only come in when health problems are catastrophic.
And yes the ACA isn’t perfect. Nothing is. But it’s a step in the right direction in an area where, just 15 years ago, thousands of people couldn’t get any coverage to speak of because *everything* was a preexisting condition. I couldn’t afford healthcare for my ill mom 15 years ago so she eventually died too early. For all their flaws, my parents worked 16 hour days, 365 days a year, for years on end and they still couldn’t afford health insurance. By the time I was old enough to pitch in full time at age 17, it was too late, she had a preexisting condition and literally no one would insure her for anything less than $6000-10000 a month. So we got by as best we could on what we had, me working 100 hours a week, and her being cared for by my dad, and we did our damnedest to take care of her on our own. Republican voting family urged us to get government support but the programs simply weren’t sufficient. If we had healthcare for all, maybe we would have had a fighting chance and we wouldn’t have had to bury her before her 56th birthday. She could have met her grandchild. I do know that without it, we were sunk.
Both parties have their issues, racism and sexism are highly present in both, and white supremacy remains a huge problem. But right now, the actions of the Republican party are clearly nothing like those of people who care about the people living in this nation beyond their own circles. And that, to me, says that if you’re a decent human than even if you have to hold your nose to do it, you’d vote them out and choose better people to represent us, whatever side of the aisle we’re talking. But I simply cannot respect anyone who sees what 45 has done here in these past four years and feels like they still should support him even indirectly because they don’t “like” Biden.
I don’t like him either but these are our choices and I can’t see how keeping 45 in office is anything but catastrophic for the US.
Also calling Noemi a mediocre teacher is a really uncalled for ad hominem attack. A, you don’t know what kind of teacher she is and B, that has nothing to do with her value as a human or her right to her opinions based on her lived experiences.
revanche: thank you for being far more eloquent than I am.
I came late to this post…..Your president is the laughing stock of the world (I live in the UK and follow US politics closely). Never, never did I think I would ever see such a president of the United States. He has brought the great office of state to its knees. It’s scary watching this from afar. I have visited the US on many occasions over the last 20 years, not sure I’ll ever be back. Too violent, too broken, too many guns for me now!
I can’t actually get my head around how this happened – the most powerful country on earth reduced to this! The TV debate last week was shocking in so many ways.
All your commentators mention healthcare, it’s astonishing that you can’t get some system organised that provides basic healthcare for everyone paid for by a tax at source from earnings. I love America, I loved all the areas we have visited over the years and it’s so, so, sad to see the country imploding the way it is. The UK is not doing great either at the moment but thankfully our politicians, on both sides, have kept some semblance of dignity and respect for the position they hold and the duty they owe to the electorate.I wish you all well and hope better times are ahead.
Thank you for your perspective. Sadly, many republicans don’t care what the rest of the world thinks because they are laboring under the delusion that America is exceptional and the rules of the rest of the world don’t apply to us. This is why over 200,000 Americans have died with no end in sight.
yes, I too am confused about why we can’t get basic healthcare covered. People are quite concerned about the costs. However, I have employer provided healthcare and still pay anywhere from 15-25% of my income depending on what our needs are for the year. I would happily give that up and pay a 10% tax. I think many don’t think through the actual accounting of costs and just see government healthcare as an added burden rather than a shifting of expenses.