One of the activities the Designing Your Life book and workbook require you try is to track your energy and engagement during various activities (at home, work, and everywhere else) over a 3-4 week period. Throughout the day, you are supposed to look back on the things you did and determine your level of engagement (how interested you were in the activity and how quickly time seemed to pass while you were doing it) and your energy level, both during and after the task. I’ve been doing this, and I’m recognizing a phenomena that so far the book has not mentioned. A lot of the activities I really enjoy – they provide a lot of engagement and leave me feeling energized – are challenging enough that I don’t necessarily look forward to them.
Take martial arts for example. I am really enjoying martial arts right now. I finally got my yellow belt which means I’m learning new kicks and hand work at almost every class. I’ve also finally started sparring, which is intense aerobic exercise that requires incredible mental focus. I am constantly moving, anticipating the other person’s moves while also planning my own. It’s all-consuming, and at the end I’m both exhausted and exhilarated. My usual runner’s high can’t hold a candle to how I feel after sparring.
And yet, sparring is rigorous exercise – both mental and physical. I don’t generally look forward to it. Even though I know I’m going to feel great after the fact, I also know how intense it is in the moment. It’s not that I dread sparring or anything, but knowing I’ll be doing that instead of just lounging around at home on a Saturday at noon, is a bit of a weight. So yes, the actually activity is the epitome of engaging and energizing, but the anticipation of the event can have the opposite effect.
The same goes for assisting at the dojo. Our dojo is a non-profit that relies heavily on volunteer support. I am there every Monday while my son takes the class for 3.5-5yos and my daughter takes the other class for kids. I’ve recently committed to assisting during those classes every Monday, after providing inconsistent support in the past (some weeks I would assist and other weeks I’d sit in the hall and get work done). I really enjoy volunteering at the dojo – the kids are awesome and I am supporting a community that I value – but there are days when I’m tired after teaching for six hours at work and the last thing I want to do is manage other people’s children for another 1.5 hours before I go home to manage my own. I always feel really good during and after my volunteer time at the dojo, but sometimes I don’t look forward to having one more commitment on my time and energy, especially when I feel behind at work.
So yeah. I’m not sure how to feel about these activities. If I just look at how they engage and energize me in the moment, and after, it would make sense to spend time doing them every day. And yet I know if I did I would be overwhelmed, because they take a toll on my general well being by being so engaging and energizing.
I don’t know if this makes any sense. I hope as I continue to track my activities, and how they make me feel, I will be better able to incorporate these realizations into a coherent understanding of which activities make me feel good, and which make me feel “meh.”
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Do you know which activities engage and energize you? What are they?
This is a great insight! I want to try to think through my activities like this so I can better plan
SO glad you named the existence of this push/pull. Absolutely how I feel about exercise …. and funnily enough when I travel the negatives of flights versus the positives of actually being in a new environment seeing wonderful things. More to think about. THANK YOU!
This is exactly right! I feel like this about sooo many things. I commit to do something (go out with friends, go to a museum with the kids, take an exercise class, go on a trip). As it gets closer to the time, I begin to dread the activity and think of ways to get out of it.
Then I force myself to do it. The whole time I’m doing it I don’t enjoy it. I’m just willing myself to get through it and thinking how I’m doing it all wrong, wondering how soon I can stop.
Finally, it’s over. I regret having done it. Why did I waste my time? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t enjoy it? But then, a few days later, I look back and think “wow, that was really fun! I definitely should do it again”
In other words, I have to suffer through the antipication and actually doing the activity in order to get to the point where, in retrospect, I enjoyed it.