Written on Tuesday afternoon, and evening.
I got some bummer news from work yesterday and I was very sulky about it. I cried a lot and then walked around pouting. After my daughter and I watched Stranger Things (while my husband and son watched the Warriors game), I took a sleep aid and went to bed.
Today I had a meeting with my admins about the bummer news. It was basically them telling me “in person” all “the reasons” for the bummer news, which is that I have to teach one class of a grade level and subject matter that I am not at all interested in teaching. Honestly the news wouldn’t have been such a bummer last year, it would have been expected really, but after this year, and the huge popularity of the Spanish program, I was really hoping the years of doing this shit were behind me. But it turns out they are not, because we are a small middle school in a small district and scheduling restraints will always hamper the growth of my Spanish program. It’s that reality that is really what is getting me down. I’m trying to just be okay with it, but I’m giving myself a couple days to feel down about it first.
Yesterday I had two appointments and I went to Costco in between them. Today I had nothing after the 9am zoom call with my admins. I puttered around the house. I applied for a new credit card because I’ve been wanting to change mine and my current card was used fraudulently so it was cancelled. If I have to change the number everywhere anyway, I might as well change it to the new card (my old card was an Amazon VISA – which I know is the worst). My new card comes later this week. I also changed our NYT subscription so we only get it delivered on Sundays, not Friday – Sunday. I even set up my voicemail! (My husband has been hounding me to do this for months but I hate voicemail so I had no personal incentive to call customer service to get a new pin). I did a little light debris-clearing in some of the more problematic areas of the house and wrote a list of tasks I want to complete in the next few weeks. But I didn’t let myself start on any of that because I figured I was due one day off to chill out. Turns out I’m horrible at chilling out, and instead drove my husband crazy texting him dumb shit all day.
Not having a credit card that works made it impossible to shop online, so thank god for that.
I did read some of my book, but I found it hard to concentrate on it. And I’m writing this post, so that is something!
I’m going to the dojo tonight for class and I’m (probably overly) enthusiastic to see other adults later today.
Both kids are liking their camps, but it sure is hard to get them out the door in the mornings. The 12yo especially is not interested in the “this feels like school, but it’s summer!” morning routine. They are pretty much in camp or traveling all summer, which is exactly what I need. Our two weeks of Covid isolation was a great reminder that staying home for extended periods is not actually good for anyone.
UPDATE: My admins called me at 4pm saying I don’t have to teach 4th grade next year. I think it’s because I didn’t want to teach zero period if I had to teach 4th graders at 6th period. So now I’m teaching zero period and 8th graders at 6th period, with two other 7/8 Spanish classes and a 6th grade Spanish class during the day. It’s what I originally wanted, and I can’t believe I’m going to get it.
I still really can’t believe it.
amazing. A BIG WIN! I did not expect that. Which tells me quite a bit about how I am doing these days. I was going to say it seemed reasonable to be totally twisted about scheduling because by this time everything (news, climate,elections, politics, war, disease, all the double schools and on-line work0 meant scheduling unpleasantness was a fabulous place to dump all the emotion. And, it sounds like you responded with lots of control.
SO my praise to you. And joy that you avoided that pit of extra chaos in the new school year. Hoping you are also getting a solid minimum of 4 hours 5days a week with just you at home. I would think you would be ‘people wanting from you’ out emotionally and totally need of recovery and refreshing. Looking forward to your travels and always the amazing stories of all you accomplish.
Best wishes and much support.
Are fourth graders middle school in your district? I don’t remember having “periods” in fourth grade. We were pretty much tighter the whole day. Fourth grade is young! Very different from middle school
No they are not, but because of space limitations at the elementary schools, and space availability on the middle school campuses, the district created “upper elementary schools” with 4th and 5th grades on the middle school campuses. And those grades stay with the same teacher all day EXCEPT for one “period” when teachers from the middle school take them for PE or an elective. That is when the elementary school teachers get their prep time. So yeah, it’s a little weird.
That sounds annoying. Having to be with younger kids at the end of the day when they are probably dysregulated.
Addendum: After the past several years it makes absolute sense that it will take you some significant amount of time to de-stress enough to begin to chill. You can’t actually rush the process so just, please, be good to you.
PS: if you like chocolate that can help…… and running too.