This was a week. Nothing particularly bad about it, but I was just never where I wanted to be at work. Not having internet on campus today did NOT help things, but luckily I had stayed up late the night before to score the oodles of late work that came streaming in when students returned from the break, AND since I was up late I saw the email warning of the internet outage so I was able to download some materials I needed before I got to work. Also I was able to hotspot service to my computer every once in a while – usually don’t get ANY cell service at work without WiFi – so it was the best possible no-internet scenario.
But I really didn’t like how it felt to come into work without having done anything over the break. I think it would have been fine if I’d gotten more done the week before the break, but I was covering someone else during my preps that whole week, and I just wasn’t really thinking ahead like I usually do. I think I need to either work really hard the last week so that I’m ready to come back when I walk out of my classroom, or spend a day or a couple of afternoons during my break to get ready. I just hate feeling so underwater, on top of just dealing with how hard it is to get back to the daily grind.
But there is no real time to wallow in the failures of this past week (especially now that I’ve identified what I want to do differently). Instead, some thoughts about what is coming up.
It’s actually kind of a big weekend for me. It’s my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary today! My sister came into town (from London) last night, so she’s here for this special day and my mom’s birthday (the 16th). Tomorrow we’re taking them to a very nice restaurant in the city. When I made the reservation (many months ago), there was a question about if it was a special occasion and I marked “Anniversary” and yesterday they texted asking me for the anniversary couple’s names. I’m excited to see what they are going to do for them.
My sister and I looked into French Laundry and some other super high end, super well known restaurants in the area, but in the end we decided we couldn’t afford $300 a person (before drinks, health care add-ons, and gratuity) so my husband helped me find something more in our price range. I definitely have some feelings about the fact that I couldn’t spring for something REALLY impressive, especially after I learned my cousin is throwing a big surprise 50th anniversary party for my aunt and uncle later this month (it honestly never occurred to me to do that either!), but I’m trying to be kind to myself. We are taking them out somewhere nice and I know they will appreciate it. It’s okay to not be where I expected to be at this point in my life. We’re comfortable and financially secure and that’s better than a lot of people our age can say. I just hope my parents feel celebrated.
My sister being in town is actually kind of stressful for me, but I’m trying to let any anxious thoughts or feelings pass without grasping at them too much. My sister and I aren’t especially close, and she can have hard-to-meet expectations. My SIL’s somewhat disastrous (for her and my ILs, nothing that involved us) recent trip is not helping, but I’m reminding myself that their experience has no bearing on ours.
The good news is that we already have some fun things planned, so I know I’m going to share experiences with her that should be positive. We have dinner tomorrow night, then another dinner (with family friends) at my parents’ house Sunday night. Monday we plan on taking a hike with my kids for my mom’s birthday (she’s not super interested in seeing my kids, so doing something she likes while seeing them will help) which should be nice because being outside and moving our bodies is built in. The following weekend we’re seeing an SFSketchFest show with our parents (my Xmas present to all of them). I think if she and I can just do one other thing together, without our parents, we’ll both feel satisfied.
It’s hard for me when my I have to negotiate more-than-normal obligations with my first family, and also find the time to make sure my current family’s needs are being met. Sometimes it can feel like my own needs have to be pushed aside. I’m trying to ask for a couple moments here and there and am already getting some push back. It doesn’t help that my husband isn’t feeling great and now I’m also starting to feel twinges in my throat and ears. The last thing I need right now is to get sick. I have been taking Umcka and Airborne so hopefully it won’t hit me super hard. And if I need to ask for time, and manage sulky, pouty behavior to get it, I will do that. My husband is doing a TON of work-adjacent (for his career, but not required/reimbursed by his current employer) trips this spring so I will be reminding him of that frequently.
And I think that may be all I got right now. Hopefully after this weekend I’ll be feeling better.
I hope you and your husband do not get really ill this weekend and able to both participate fully.
Some peole want a huge party for milestone events, others of us just want quiet time with our children and their families. People are different in this and if your parents had wanted a big blow out I would think they would have said this???? But maybe I am different. I do know I would not want a super expensive meal/location; that can be nice on some occasions but you are a big group and those super expensive places aren’t always well designed for larger groups and more louder conversations that happen on such occasions, in my opinion. I prefer less formality when there is a larger group. Other people may disagree with my take however.
Getting back to work is always hard, hope you get some time for work prep this weekend as well as being able to celebrate with family; with a 3 day weekend that would be good. And 3 day weekend does mean only a 4 day week of school. Sending the best wishes for you with the celebrations and work and health.
THANK YOU for writing!
How wonderful that you’ll be celebrating your parents and that your sister is coming from London for the occasion. I hope you have a great time.
My parents’ 50th wedding anniversary is coming up this summer and I’ve been trying to see if I can make it home for the special occasion. I wish I could throw them a big party, but I am sure just spending time is the biggest gift for them (and for your parents as well!).