Oh hey there. It’s been a while. Over two weeks?! Oopsie.
Life has been moving at a brisk pace. The weight of my obligations right now can feel crushing, but I’ve done a good job of stopping when I start to spiral and picking one thing to focus on and getting it done, without much negative internal talk. I’ve been surprised by how well I’ve been handing the stress, and when people ask me if I’m feeling better (as the weeks on my new medication add up), I say yes, but it’s not really that I feel physically better (my sleep is still garbage some weeks and my heart rate is still high without the beta blockers), but it’s more an emotional resilience that I could not count on since November that is now – dare I say it – unwavering. It’s been very much appreciated.
And I feel confident that I’m managing things better because there has been a LOT to manage, and I’ve moved through a lot of challenging situations with a fair amount of grace. One Tuesday I took the 11yo and his friend to the dojo in the car, but then they got a ride home early with the friend’s dad so I went home alone. I always take the bus to the dojo when I’m alone, so that night I took the bus back, and didn’t remember that I had driven there until my stop. My husband was out that night, so I had to walk home, get the 11yo in bed, grab some food and catch the bus back to the dojo to get my car. This was at 9pm and I was so tired, but I laughed it off instead of crying like I would have done last month.
This past week I lost my water bottle (right after I bought replacement parts for it, then my work computer died (maybe from over use due to the yearbook?!), also my husband was out of town and I got a gnarly cold (again! I was just sick in April!) Oh and a parent who used to do yearbook, but decided to step away this year, showed up and started changing everything and emailing parents she thought I hadn’t gotten baby photos from, even though I had and just generally created chaos and stress and more work for me. Even with all that, I felt really even keeled, and got a ton done. My 1B classes filmed their final (ever!) video skits and we got the yearbook to a place where I think it will be ready next Wednesday without me pulling an all-nighter.
Oh and the 14yo swam in All City yesterday and qualified for finals today! So I’m writing this on my phone in between her events! She was kind of shocked to qualify for JV as a freshman (she was 8th, so she just made it, for both events) and this morning required some pep talks, but she is here now and excited to participate.
You may remember that my red-belt test is in two weeks. It sucked to miss class all week (because of my cold), but the lead teacher was also out (with a detached retina!) so it was a good week to miss. I feel able to really appreciate that kind of coincidence right now, which is good.
I got my allergy shot on Thursday and it was exactly one month from the initial blood draw ordered by my Endocrinologist, so I went to the lab again. One of my thyroid markers was already in normal range (T4 was 1.6 and 0.5-1.7 is normal), another was still a little high (T3 was 187 when 50-170 is normal) so she is decreasing my dose. She also ordered FHS and Estradiol and both were post-menopausal numbers. I’m not sure why she ordered those labs this time – and I believe you need multiple tests results to confirm menopause – but it was kind of a relief to see those numbers and know that I am most probably post-menopausal (I was initially confused with my symptoms and attributed them to perimenopause, despite having thought I was already past all that, so it’s nice to know I probably had the right I idea before). I wonder if being post-menopausal changes how she’ll manage my Grave’s Disease, or if it affects the interpretation of other values. I’m just glad my thyroid is responding to the medication and that she is decreasing the dose accordingly. I will ask her more about it when I email back to confirm the change in dosage.
I have gained back all the weight I lost already, but I’m also learning to listen to my body’s hunger cues again, and to recognize when I’m not hungry. I didn’t realize how hungry I was all the time before, or how much my eating habits had changed, but things feel more familiar now and I appreciate that. I obviously hope I don’t keep gaining weight, but I recognize it’s highly probable and accepting it as best I can.
The 14yo is going to swim again, and then we’re eating at a family favorite nearby so I’m going to publish this before my hiatus stretches to three weeks. Please know that I’m reading blogs (sometimes late but I am reading them!) even if I’m not commenting and thinking of all of you.
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day but I feel weird wishing it to people who are not in my own family. I asked my mom if we could push our day together back so I could work on school stuff and the year book and she obliged. My husband says he’s “giving me the day,” but we’ll see if that happens, and I may ask the kids to ride their bikes with me at the Great Highway while I run if the weather is nice. (Oh I went for a run! It was just three miles but it felt decent! I guess that is an example of actually feeling better). So we’ll see what tomorrow brings. I hope you all spend the day in a way that feels good you. I know it’s a complicated day for many people.
And now I’m for real going to press publish. For real for real.
