Me being a curmudgeon at the start of summer

{I had titled this “ping pong thoughts at the start of summer” but by the end if felt I should change the title. And since the line-through-text formatting is not available in the title block, I did.}

Today is my first official day of summer. Or is it Tuesday, when I would have had to go to work? (Other district employees get Monday off for Juneteenth). I pulled away from my campus yesterday with no intention of returning until August, so it feels like summer has started.

I was supposed to be at the dojo for a few hours today, but I woke up with the cold that has been making the rounds in our house, and I didn’t want to share it with anyone at the dojo (ground grappling puts you in VERY close proximity with your partner), so I stayed home. I was really bummed to miss it, because my son had somewhere to go (so I wouldn’t be “requesting the time” as it were), and I haven’t been all week, but I really didn’t want to be a jerk and spread a bunch of cold germs so I stayed home.

I’m also still exceedingly sore from my workout on Wednesday. Yesterday I was really sore, but I went for a run anyway because I was done early enough and the weather was AMAZING. My legs did not feel great, and I honestly think I might have made things worse. Hopefully tomorrow my abductors and glutes will have calmed down a little.

Right now I’m on the elliptical, which is the best exercise for when part of my body is sore. I’m so glad we have this thing and that it still works. It’s definitely been worth the money we spent on it 10 years ago.

Instead of being at the dojo, I spent several hours cleaning a bike that a friend let me have for my son. It had been outside for almost a year, so it was in rough shape, but I got it back in working order. It’s only a little bit bigger than his last bike so he’ll need a bigger one really soon, but this will do for now. My daughter just got a new (to her) bike for her birthday, so I’m going to take them both down to ride with my dad tomorrow for Father’s Day. Neither has been on their bike for a while, so they probably won’t last long. I hope it goes okay. There are ample opportunities for it to break bad; I’ll be relieved when it’s over.

I’m really looking forward to Father’s Day being over. I know there are plenty of people who want it to be over for way more valid reasons (like my friend whose dad died and whose husband moved to the East Coast after their divorce), but honestly, it feels like mid-May to mid-June is all about making other people feel loved and special. And that can get tiresome when those same people do so little to make me feel loved on special on days when society tells me I should expect it. My family does nothing for me on Mother’s Day or my birthday, so spending so much time and energy of Mother’s Day, then my daughter’s birthday, then Father’s Day, in the middle of all the hustle and bustle of the end of the school year, starts to grate after a while.

I’m sure I sound like the world’s biggest asshole. Maybe I am. I just feel like I give and give and give and it’s just expected of me. But I’ve had to learn to not expect anything, so I don’t feel disappointed. But I also know how lucky I am to have my own father, and the father of my kids, in my life, so I’m focusing on that while getting presents and making plans work for everyone else.

Tonight is my friend’s 50th birthday party and I’m very excited to show up for that and celebrate her. She is amazing and I know this birthday is messing with her head a bit. I’m excited to be there for her and help make her celebration special.

I’m wearing a nuts dress that I found at a thrift store a few weeks ago. I would try to explain it but honestly I can’t. I’ll try to get a shot in it tonight so I can post it. It’s just the weirdest thing – I’m pretty sure it’s handmade – and I’m nervous to wear it, but if I don’t wear it to this I won’t have an occasion to wear it for a LOOOONG time so I’m going to go for it. It took me many weeks to get the thrift store smell out of it, so I definitely can’t just let it hang in my closet.

We leave for St. Louis exactly two weeks from today. Both kids are in camps both weeks. I forgot how camps like to have a pot luck or a show on Fridays, which kills half of one of the days of childcare that I’m paying for. Of course I like seeing my kids do something fun, but I also just want to get some shit done! And I’m not even working during the rest of their summer! I know it’s a lot harder for my husband to leave work early most Fridays so he can show up for his kids. Probably I’m just salty that yesterday I was up at 6:30am making Mac n Cheese for my son’s camp pot luck, and I had to run shorter than I wanted to be back in the city for my daughter’s camp’s art show. Boo.

Ugh, I sound like such a curmudgeon (did I actually spell that right? It’s not getting underlined…) I think I’m just decompressing after six weeks of non-stop insanity. It started with our stomach flus, went straight into Mother’s Day. Then my niece in nephew in town. Then the “Celebration of Learning.” Then the big party at my school. Then my daughter’s family birthday. Then her friend birthday. Then the last week of school. And now finally Father’s Day. I just want to not have some big thing I need to be planning for always. I just want to sit down and think about nothing for a goddamn afternoon.

Maybe if I get my house cleaned up this week, that will be waiting for me. An afternoon of nothing.