I’ve noticed that lately I’m not showing up here, partly because I decide to write about one thing, but then I realize I will comment on another thing, and I’m not really ready to write about that yet, so I just don’t write anything at all.
Like I was thinking this post would be about how my schedule feels really full right now. And right now it’s working but I can tell I’m going to get burned out at some point, and something will have to give, but I can’t identify anything I’m ready to give up. And my example was going to be balancing my own martial arts practice with my son’s martial arts practice and my daughter’s activities and my feeling that I should be home most afternoons because my husband deals with the kids every morning. But all I want to talk about with martial arts today is that I took my mask off at the dojo for the first time and it felt SO GOOD but also so weird and at times quite uncomfortable. And if I talk about taking my mask off at the dojo I need to talk about how my kids are evidently going to have the option to take their masks off at school later this month, and this feels unfathomable to me, and we haven’t even talked to them about it and I’m not even sure how I feel about it yet and it’s just too much for me to get into in a post.
So I don’t want to write anything at all, because it all feels related and it’s hard to tackle just one topic when they are all intertwined so tightly.
I really am truly not sure how to feel about the mask stuff. I know that my family, which has followed all the rules and has two triple-vaccinated adults and two double-vaccinated kids, is NOT the problem, and frankly I’m tired of reading articles and posts that insinuate we somehow are ALL of the problem suddenly because our desire to return to some sense of normalcy is somehow more misguided than anything that’s happened so far during the pandemic. I honestly did not anticipate California’s swift and decisive move to end so many of the mask mandates it’s had in place for so long, but my thoughts on that were meant for another post, one I intend to title, “Be careful what you wish for.”
And this is why I don’t show up here as much these days. Because I’m busy. And tired. And there is a war happening. And everything old is new again. And a lot of the time it feels like I’m shouting into the void, repeating myself ad nauseam without really gaining clarity or coming to conclusions.
I’m also reading a book I enjoy, and it’s nice to just lie in bed at night and read it, instead of banging away at my computer, all alone, when everyone else is asleep.
But really and truly, I don’t know how I’m going to make it all fit moving forward. Something has got to give. But I don’t want to give any thing up! I’m at a high enough belt level that I need to be at the dojo more if I want to keep progressing. My son also has to be there more. My daughter has a couple of weekly commitments too. And my husband needs support in the afternoons and evenings, especially as he returns to the office a couple days a week (again). There simply aren’t enough hours in the week. I’m really not sure how to make it work long term.
I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until some part of it is making me (or someone else) miserable and then I’ll reassess. It sucks to know I’m heading on that path. Maybe I can last until summer, and then I can put off the inevitable for a couple more months.
Probably not the best goal, but it’s something.
And now I’m going to go read my book.
Thank you for this whole post about the overwhelm and the changes and the pressures ratcheting up yet again. I hope the book is a really good one and that at some point you will share the title/author but not wanting to sound like pressure. Because the pressures and anxieties are Intense.
The most positive think I can think to say is that ‘things will change over time’. Which is a loaded fact as no one knows the direction of the change or it’s nature. Some possibilities being even less…. Ah well.
Thank you the earlier post when you first opened the discussion about what to do when mask requirements loosen. We all are looking at different risk equations … I gather BA.2 (did I get the name right?) is rising in NYC and other places nationally.
SO in few weeks the questions will be changing again for disease, war, household time management, job management ….. and children’s summer activities transportation will be different from normal school. I am so glad you are headed to midwest! Am already focusing on the pictures of the swimming place!
THANK YOU. AND CONGRATULATIONS on the martial arts advancements! Impressive.
2nd of my 3 adult children positive today. Seems mild so far. Much better than the one from before vaccine availability. Yes, all 3 vaccine shots taken. I remind myself: not old, vaccines, better meds today IF it gets bad….. But it is still real and long term is still unknown. Wondering if it is the newer Omicron, waiting to hear if grand infected, testing in few days to know.
I am tired of the pandemic but the virus isn’t.