Not a Wasted Word

I hope this wasn’t a mistake

Posted on November 2, 2017 by noemikjames / 1 Comment

I am really struggling to land on a topic tonight. And I also wanted to write something for tomorrow morning!

I hope tentatively committing to NaBloPoMo wasn’t a mistake!

One problem is, today was a pretty shitty today, and I’m still processing some “big feelings” about a few things. It wasn’t like something really awful happened, in fact it wasn’t awful at all, but it made me feel awful, and I don’t think I’ve figured out why enough to write about it. Hopefully soon.

In the meantime I will just say that I’m really pleased that the weather here has finally cooled off, like for realz. Last week it was in the mid- to high-80’s in San Francisco and I was SO OVER IT. Friday night the fog came in and Saturday morning was legitimately chilly. I was SO HAPPY! I hope we are officially done with our Indian Summer. I want to move on to the next season, please.

Which I know is hilarious because we basically only have two seasons here. Maybe that is why I’m always SO DONE with whatever one is wrapping up, because it’s been happening for half the year.

I’m also really glad it’s November. By this point next week I will be one happy lady, who, sure, has a shit load of grading to do by the end of the Thanksgiving break, but doesn’t have any other big events on the horizon. Woot! Just one more week and things should calm down a little. Just one. more. week.

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NaBloPoMo?

Posted on November 1, 2017 by noemikjames / 1 Comment

I can’t promise I WILL post every day in November, but I can sure as hell try.

This sad, three sentence excuse for a post certainly isn’t an auspicious start, but it’s fitting.

Let the wild rumpus begin!

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Happy Halloween!

Posted on October 31, 2017 by noemikjames / 8 Comments

I very rarely post pictures of us here but I can’t help myself tonight. I’ve been planning these Star Wars costumes for a long time and I am very pleased with the result. My costume was a big hit at school and quite a few people asked to take our picture while we were trick-or-treating. It was a lot of fun.

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Beautiful City

Posted on October 31, 2017 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

I talk a lot about how hard it can be to live in the San Francisco, but some days I really do love living here. Like when I get to go to a ropes course with one of my classes and take a walk where I see this.

It really is a beautiful city.

Life/Uncategorized

Learning a New Skill

Posted on October 30, 2017 by noemikjames / 2 Comments

This Saturday we have yet another event at my daughter’s school. This one is called Shared Schoolyard, and it’s a celebration of the opening of our school’s playground (which was recently remodeled) and turf field (which was recently installed) to the community on the weekends.

A non-profit is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this event–they are even providing free tacos!–so the PTA has an opportunity to focus on making some money without being bogged down by the main logistics. Since lunch is provided, we will be selling drinks and dessert. We will also being face painting and making balloon animals. While I really enjoy face painting, this time I’m doing the balloons.

I used to know how to make all kinds of balloon animals–my mom dressed me up in costumes and had me provide the entertainment at my sister’s birthday parties growing up (we are seven years apart)–but I will admit I forgot how to make most of them. So this weekend I popped in a DVD and learned how to create a bunch of blow-up creatures. I will be picking 8-10 that to offer on Saturday, and I plan to practice each of them for the next five nights. Hopefully by Saturday, I’ll not only remember the steps easily, but I’ll be able to make them quickly, and relatively well.

Here are some of the animals I made.

My daughter and her tiger (which she decorated).

What new skill have you learned lately?

Work/Teaching

The Bad News (At Work)

Posted on October 27, 2017 by noemikjames / 11 Comments

I mentioned getting some bad news at work the other day. And I did. Some very surprising, and very shitty, bad news.

Turns out, the construction project whose delay left me without a room this year, is not projected to be finished for the next school year either.

How is that possible? you ask. Very good question.

Evidently the company they contracted to bring in re-purposed freight crates (or some such thing) to make into classrooms, has only delivered 9 of the 72 units. Yes, they are in breach of contract. Yes, legal steps are being taken. Yes, this is an insanely frustrating situation. Yes, they are doing all they can to remedy it.

So the school that is supposed to move into the campus that is supposed to be built from these not-materializing units can’t move, which means they can’t vacate their spaces for us to “modernize” and move in. Their move-in date, which was originally pushed from the beginning of this school year, to the winter break, to the February break, is now being pushed indefinitely. And since they want to do some “modernization” to the space they are leaving, we definitely won’t be moving into the their space in the fall, even if, by some miracle, the units materialize before summer.

I found out on Monday, from a friend, because I missed the last-minute meeting that was called for 8:05am. I will admit, I cried.

Not having a classroom this year has been REALLY hard for me. I am currently teaching in FIVE different classrooms, sharing space with FIVE different teachers. I would always be sharing one classroom because they aren’t going to give me my own room on the campus where I only teach one period, but it’s really hard not having a home base at my own campus.

I literally walk between classes with a wagon full of Spanish books (for the 10 minutes of free reading that starts each class), and other resources I need. I spend a couple minute at the end of each class packing up my stuff, and all of the time between classes, moving it and set it up again somewhere else. I am frequently late. I am constantly leaving things I need in other places. It’s a totally fucked up situation, and it’s making me crazy.

I’ve been really miserable doing it, but I kept telling myself that it’s only one year. It’s only one year! I can do anything for one year, right? Now that I know it’s two years, I’m losing my mind.

Shouldn’t they move the burden to someone else? you ask. Yes, maybe the should. But they probably won’t. They aren’t yet sure what they are going to do. It’s only late October, after all. We aren’t even finished with the first trimester. They will hem and haw and say they are “trying to figure it out,” but in the end, it will be me who doesn’t have a classroom again next year. I am prepared for this.

The reality is, this is a seriously fucked up situation for the school district. The one year delay created massive parent outrage – I can only imagine how pissed all those entitled white folks are now that it’s become a two year delay. They are currently paying a full time principal and secretary for a 4th/5th grade “upper elementary” school that has teachers and students on three campuses (seven 5th grade classes on our campus, four 4th grades at one elementary school and four 4th grades at another elementary school). They have half of those 4th grade classes in portables taking up blacktop and playground space because those campuses are also impacted. The superintendent left in October to take a position at a bigger district farther south and isn’t here to deal with any of it, or get shit on for a situation he helped create, and we only have an interim superintendent until they find someone new. The whole thing is a cluster fuck of epic proportions. My not having a room is quite literally the LEAST of these people’s worries, and I expect that will be evident in how it’s handled.

But aren’t you looking for a new job in the spring anyway? you ask. Well yes, that was the plan. But honestly, I was seriously considering NOT looking for a new job again, because I’ve really been liking this new way of teaching, and I know a high school would never go for it. Create your curriculum around stories the kids make up, without focusing on any predetermined vocabulary themes? No one at the high school level would ever go for it. I’d have to teach out of a textbook for at least two years, maybe forever.

And everything I’d need to do to be a competitive contender in the spring… it’s just so much on top of not having a room at work, and everything else I’ve committed to. I just don’t know how I’ll find the time, or energy.

Also, I really don’t want to get rejected over and over again, like last year. And I don’t see how I’ll be more likely to get a job next year. Nothing, really, will have changed. I still won’t be a native speaker. I still won’t have experience teaching high school. I still will just be… me.

So yeah, I was actually planning on staying put next year, moving back into my old room and just enjoying a year of not doing this fucking bullshit again.

Except I will be doing this fucking bullshit again. And it’s really bumming me out.

I know I have a lot of time to think about how I’m going to move forward. I haven’t looked to see if our contract protects me from being in this situation for a 2nd year (it probably doesn’t have language specific to this situation, because this kind of thing doesn’t happen much, but it’s worth looking). I haven’t thought much yet about trying to find a high school and being resigned to teaching out of a textbook for a couple years (until I get tenure), or forever. The reality is, even if I do look for a job, I probably won’t get one, and I’ll be stuck moving from room to room, just like I’m doing this year. It’s not like looking for a new job is guaranteed to get me out of this situation.

And maybe I could leverage the shiftiness to get some stuff I want. As it is, I get to school after our official starting time most days, and I leave early a lot, and no one says anything. That flexibility is very much appreciated. Maybe I can convince myself that another year of it is worth not having a room….

I know it could be worse. I know I could be out of a job entirely. I know this. I’m trying to remember. I’m trying to find ways to make this more doable, now that I know it’s not as temporary a situation as I first thought. I’m trying to just keep my thoughts from veering into the territory of hopeless and depressed. I’m trying to find the silver lining. But right now it’s hard. The only thing keeping me going was knowing next year would definitely be different. Now that I know it will definitely be the same, I’m not sure how to stay positive. It just sucks. And I’m really upset. And I guess that’s okay for right now. I just need to keep it all in perspective.

Home/Life

Dodging a Bullet

Posted on October 25, 2017 by noemikjames / 8 Comments

Almost two weeks ago, right when we got back from Disneyland, our tenant informed us that he had bedbugs. He had one in a bag, to prove it.

He had evidently learned of the bed bug situation a week before, and had actually taken considerable steps to control the situation and prevent spreading. By the time we entered his unit, all his clothes were in large Ziplock bags, his bed was in the middle of the room, his mattress and box spring were encased, the legs of his bed were covered in double sided sticky tape, and the feet of his frame were in interceptors. He had also put down a chemical treatment (we didn’t know that at the time).

We called an exterminator to come inspect the house. We weren’t sure if we had them as well, but none of us had been bitten (although only 50-75% of people even react to bed bug bites, so we couldn’t go on that alone), and I saw no signs of them on our mattresses, so we held out a tenuous hope that we were safe. Our appointment was a week out (first one they had) so we spent the days silently fretting, bagging up all the stuffed animals, moving the beds from the walls, and putting the feet of our bed frames in diatomaceous earth. I bought XL and XXL ziplock bags and a bunch of plastic containers and started to pack up clothes we didn’t use regularly.

By Wednesday I was feeling pretty sure that we didn’t have bedbugs, and hoping the exterminator treatment of our tenant’s unit wouldn’t go much over the $3K minimum I had been quoted. Then, my husband found three bites on his arm. Three bites, right in a row. The moment he showed them to me, my hope dissipated. Three bites in a row is the tell tale sign of bed bugs. I was sure we had them; now I just hoped it was only in our room.

We had to tell our parents at this point, because our son’s birthday party was supposed to be at our house on Sunday afternoon, and we knew they wouldn’t want to come over. My in-laws immediately retracted an invite for our son to come over the next day (they’ve had bed bugs before and are terrified to get them again). My poor son was crushed, and my worst fears of how people would fear and avoid us if they ever knew, were validated. I was really overwhelmed and depressed.

Friday came and the inspectors came with it. They found more bed bugs in our tenants apartment, but they were all dead. (At the time this caused great confusion because we didn’t know yet that our tenant had used a chemical treatment.) They looked all over his apartment, taking the staples out of the box spring and shining lights into the cracks around the baseboards, but found no other signs of bed bugs. They didn’t find any trace of them in our house either.

Without finding live bugs, the exterminator could not recommend a treatment. We dodged a $3K+ bullet, at least for the time being.

Our tenant, who has been hard for us to work with when he believes there is a problem–we’ve had to call out PG&E when he believed the heater didn’t work (it did), we’ve had to call in a plumber when he said the water didn’t get hot (you just have to wait a while), we had to call out a service man when he didn’t think the stove turned on (he wasn’t doing it right, and wouldn’t believe us), he’s even made us change light bulbs and the batteries in his fire detectors because he couldn’t “figure it out” — still thinks we should get his unit treated. He also believes he got the bed bugs from mice (we still have some in our garage) or from feral cats (his unit shares outside walls with the backyard), and no amount of explaining that bed bugs don’t travel on cats or mice will convince him otherwise. This is frustrating to me because he DID bring them in from somewhere, and if he really didn’t leave the city, like he claims, he got them from somewhere he’s likely to visit again, which means he could bring them back.

Yesterday we had a dog come and sniff for bed bugs, just to be sure. The dog didn’t “make an alert” so at this point we can assume we are free of these incessant pests. I feel like I won the lottery, I am so relieved. Not only do we not have to spend thousands of dollars getting our unit, or our own house, treated, but we also don’t have to spend months living out of sealed bags, washing and drying everything on hot, and sleeping with the beds in the middle of the rooms. We are so, so lucky we didn’t get bed bugs. I will never travel again without taking steps to mitigate the possibility of bringing them home.

Moving forward, I am going to get allergen covers for the kids’ beds. We already have a good one on our mattress and pillows because I am allergic to dust mites, and it gave me a lot of peace of mind to know they couldn’t get through that and take up residence in our actual mattress (evidently allergen-barrier covers can keep bed bugs out, but will not keep them in if you already have bed bugs, which can bite you through an allergen-barrier cover). I also already got a bed bug encasement for the wooden platform our mattress sits on, just to be safe. Neither of my kids’ beds have box springs, so protecting their mattresses is all I can do.

I can’t tell you the weight that has been lifted since we learned we don’t have bed bugs. There is still a part of me that worries they will come back, but mostly I’m just relieved. Things are still crazy, and I just got some really bad news at work, but honestly, everything else pales in comparison to learning we aren’t dealing with such an dauntingly impossible pest. I am so, so thankful we aren’t dealing with bed bugs. It would have been such a nightmare. What a bullet we just dodged.

Have you ever had bed bugs?

What bullets have you dodged lately (or ever)?

Uncategorized

THIO

Posted on October 23, 2017 by noemikjames / 6 Comments

Thank goodness it’s over!

I had been glancing at this past weekend on the calendar with dread for most of the month. I am so glad we’re past it.

It ended up being not as bad as I expected. Super busy, but not too bad.

I spoke at a Kindergarten Round Table at my son’s preschool to promote my daughter’s school. We go to a Spanish Immersion preschool/daycare and my daughter’s school is Spanish Immersion so there really isn’t a better group of parents to talk to about the school. I’m glad I went.

I did end up presenting after a father who was speaking about one of the most highly coveted schools in the district (and also Spanish Immersion) . Evidently their PTA raises $430K a year, and “just takes care of everything the school needs.” They even pay for two full time teacher salaries! That totally bummed me out. We struggle to raise $5K a year. The indiscrepency is astounding.

Saturday night was a birthday party at one of those jumpy house emporiums. So intense! Both kids had fun though, and we got them out of the house for the afternoon.

Sunday was a big PTA event, and the first event I felt was a success. We had a table at our neighborhood multi-block party that is always a really big deal. The purpose of being there is to talk up the school to local parents in the hopes they will send their kids to it. (Our schools is located in a very well-to-do neighborhood but very few parents there send their kids to our school. Most of our student population is bused in from the “least desirable” areas, where the schools have mostly been shut down due to poor attendance and low teacher retention.) It’s also a nice place to make a little money.

For once I think we did both!

It was my idea to bring calaveras sugar cookies with stuff for the kids to decorate them. My mom was amazing and made the cookies and icing and we just charged a dollar per cookie and it was a huge hit. So while the parents were standing around watching their kids decorate cookies we talked about our school. It feels good to finally achieve the outcome we wanted. It also felt good that my idea was such a success.

Sunday was also my son’s birthday. I spent the morning at the event, and took the kids for a couple hours, then cleaned the house while my son slept. The grandparents can over at 4pm and my son indulged in the present orgy he’s been talking about for months. I do think he was really happy with everything he got.

We had an early dinner and enjoyed cake. The grandparents left and we built some LEGO sets the kids had gotten. My daughter rocked it all day—she finally seems capable of enjoying a party where she is not the main focus (and the one getting all the presents). My son handled himself well too, though the morning was a challenge (it was so hard not wait for his presents).

I definitely want to bring down the present expectation at Christmas this year. My daughter is ready but my son is not. We’ll see how it goes.

What were you up to this weekend?

Life

Newton’s 1st Law

Posted on October 19, 2017 by noemikjames / 6 Comments

An object in motion stays in motion, and an object at rest stays at rest.

But it’s not just objects, it’s people too.

This year, for me, is constant motion. Some days the inertia driving me forward feels overwhelming. I worry that something intractable will force me to stop suddenly, and I will shatter.

My husband is the opposite. He is an object at rest and getting him in gear is almost impossible. I feel like, for the first time in our marriage, I am really and truly accepting of this and instead of feeling resentment, I am simply searching for a force great enough to move him.

Because I really need his help.

I recognize my part in creating this situation. I made choices and now I am dealing with the obligations born of those choices. But a great portion of this year’s chaos is out of my control, and I wasn’t aware of so much when I made the choices that are compounding the chaos.

In the end, I realize I’m wearing none of my hats well. I am not effective in any of my roles, and I feel like a total and complete failure. I know I need to cut myself some slack, but it’s hard. I thought I could do it all and I can’t.

I read the posts by people who evidently can do it all. It’s hard not to compare. I try to remind myself that I don’t have the financial resources to hire someone full time, to provide their livelihood in exchange for a full work-week of their help. If I could things would probably be different. And I no longer have the family help I used to (my inlaws are spending more and more time in Texas visiting their daughter who is dealing with a high-risk pregnancy – this month they were gone for three weeks). Also, some of stressors I’m faced with, I couldn’t have been predicted, and they would turn anyone’s life upside down. I know all this, but still it feels like I’m failing.

I will say, I’m handling it all so much better than I normally would. Sometimes I think I’m going to cry, and my eyes even get hot and watery, but the tears never really come. Instead I find myself resigned to the point of acceptance, and thinking more about what I can do to make things better, instead of reveling in woe-is-me and regret. In the past everything would have seemed intractably bad, I would have felt my circumstances were totally out of my control, instead of being able to recognize the part I played in creating them, and finding ways to think pragmatically about next steps.

{Can magnesium really create these kinds of foundational changes? I don’t know what else to attribute them to, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying new meds and assessing their effectiveness. I have NEVER experienced such an obvious or dramatic change in mood and ability to manage stress.}

So yeah. Life is feeling really hard right now, but I’m getting through. Day by day, I’m making it work. Or at the least I’m making it to bedtime and getting up the next morning. Sometimes that has to count as a win.

{Also, if you know how to light a fire under the ass of an “at rest” husband, please let me know. I’m desperate to get this object in motion.}

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