Not a Wasted Word

On Tuesday we inspected our unit, found it in acceptable condition, and wrote our tenant three checks: one for the second half of the buyout amount we agreed to, one for the entirety of his security deposit and one for the remaining days of January. Then he handed us our keys, and left.

Seven and a half years, three tenants, bedbugs and a buyout agreement later, we are no longer landlords.

I have to admit, I felt lighter than I expected after he left. I really did not like him, and I did not like sharing part of my house with him. I’m glad he’s gone.

I don’t like how much lighter our bank accounts are. We’ve decimated our emergency fund, and we’ll be on a VERY tight budget until August when we’ll have our car paid off (we took out a three year loan but have been making extra payments on it so we only have seven months left). Once the car payments are done we’ll be in a pretty good spot, as far as our monthly finances go, but obviously we’ll need to keep a better handle on our money for a while to rebuild our emergency fund.

And of course, there is the question of what to do with the space. At this point we just don’t feel comfortable with anyone we don’t know being down there, so we’re not even going to AirBnB it. That would require buying furniture anyway, and we need to do a lot of work to ensure there aren’t still bedbugs – I would never let anyone sleep down there until I am as sure as I can be (with bedbugs, it feels like you never can be entirely sure).

So yeah. We have this space, but… it’s not currently connected to the rest of the house. We used to dream of incorporating it into our house by making it a “master suite,” but honestly I’m struggling to get excited about the idea. I used to want those extra square feet so badly, but now, after seven years of reading about minimalism, it just feels like more that we don’t really need. Mostly it just feels like more to clean.

Except it’s not just more to clean. The second bathroom would be amazing (and that one is SO MUCH BIGGER than ours, which is so tight that you can’t open or close the door if you’re using the toilet). And having an actual wall between us and our living room?! That would be incredible (our current bedroom is supposed to be the living room and the only thing separating it from our actual living room is a Japanese shade). So yes, it’s still exciting to think about that space being ours, but I’m guessing building stairs to connect the two living spaces will cost WAY more than we’ll have any time soon, so if we’re not willing to take out a HELOC, well then… I guess that space will just sit there.

It’s frustrating because space is at such a premium in this city, I hate to see it go to waste. But when the city refuses to protect homeowners who aren’t really interested in being landlords but have space to share, well then I guess we have to just sit on it.

Or live above it. Empty. For quite a while.

So yeah. It’s nice not to have a tenant anymore. It’s nice not to have to worry about when he’ll email with some cryptic request that is barely comprehensible. It’s nice not to have to wonder when he’ll be demanding we spend thousands of dollars on another bedbug treatment when he clearly takes no steps to manage the problem in the ways he can. All of that is very nice. But it’s not nice to have this source of income pulled out from under us. And it’s not nice that now are financially strapped because we had to pay someone else a considerable sum to leave our own home. None of that is nice.

I don’t know. We bought a house with an inlaw 7.5 years ago because the ones with asking prices in our budget were going for $150K more, in cash, and they didn’t have inlaw units. So when we found this one at $100K over our budget (which was only still on the market because the kids of the original owners tried to sell it without buying out the previous tenants in the inlaw unit, which left it on the market for over a month – a death knell in a city like San Francisco), we went for it because it felt like “buy this house or buy no house.” I guess in the end we should be happy because renting the unit allowed us to pay our mortgage when we made less and were spending crazy amounts on childcare (and health care!) and now we totally can afford our mortgage without a tenant, we’re only strapped because of the buyout. And I al happy, and I recognize how fortunate we are. It’s still a bummer though, and I’m working through those feelings.

{It also doesn’t hurt that our home is worth considerably more than we paid for it – Bay Area prices are always going up.}

I don’t know if I even mentioned here that our tenant accepted our buyout agreement in October. We gave him six months to leave (because he had 45 days to reneg on the agreement after he signed and we worried that if he started looking too quickly he’d decide not to leave without a protracted legal battle) and expected him to use all of those six months, but then he left in three, which still surprises me. And I didn’t want to talk about it until it was all said and done, so here we are, now, with maybe a surprise announcement…

I am trying to focus on the positives, because there are plenty. Who knows, maybe we’ll make it work incorporating the unit without stairs. My husband seems content walking through our garage and down the long hallway to get to the unit, maybe some day I’ll get there too. Who knows, maybe this summer we’ll be making the big move.

But right now, we’re just going to sit on it.

Today we finally got someone to take care of the water damage in our daughter’s room. He took out her windows, put in aluminum flashing, sealed them tight when he reinstalled them (they don’t actually fit correctly because, like all things in our house, every expense was spared), and repaired the wall. It’s been a source of stress since the winter after we moved in, and now, seven years later, we finally got it fixed.

Our daughter really wants to paint her room – the entire house is the most boring taupe color – and now we can finally do that! Mostly it’s just nice to have a thing that was always on the back of our minds, causing stress, finally done.

(The other room that has significantly more water damage requires a complete re-do and we’re not sure what that will look like yet, or how we’ll pay the many of tens of thousands of dollars it will require to fix, so it’s being left for now.)

I also finally called the appliance repair man to see what he could do about our oven, which finally stopped working entirely after months of incredibly slow pre-heating. He came this afternoon to replace the igniter and now it works fine.

When I called the chiropractor this morning, hoping to squeeze an appointment in this week or next they had one this afternoon right after school, and I went and he saw me on time and I was out of there in under 30 minutes. My back already feels better.

Finally, I got a three day pass to the Y so I could work our while my daughter takes her two hour swim clinic today and Wednesday and a spot just opened up in the mixed martial arts aerobic class for which I was waitlisted. That class starts in 15 minutes and will be over just 20 minutes before my daughter is done. I’m stoked to take the class because there aren’t any I want to take on Wednesday and I couldn’t find my ear buds before we left today.

Today was one of those days where everything just falls into place. I really appreciate days like today.

How was your day?

I spent the night in a tent with my daughter’s class Thursday night. It was 39/40 degrees. I was so afraid of being cold that I brought TWO sleeping bags, and they served me well. It was stressful to get ready for that, especially with all the meetings I had this week, but once we got there it was great. Well, once we woke up, and the anxiety I felt about being cold, and woken up all night by kids, or my own insomnia, had abated it was great. (I ended up sleeping from 12:30 to 5pm straight, which felt like a victory.)

The moon was full and so, so bright. We could see our shadows on the night hike. I’m pretty sure moon shadows have magical powers.

The next morning was cold but beautiful. The fog was amazing (I didn’t manage to get away for a proper photo.) I’m a huge fan of the fog we get in this area. It’s one of my favorite things about living here.

This city really is beautiful in ways few places are. Taking advantage of our breath taking views seems to be a theme lately and I appreciate it very much.

Seriously. This is in our city. It’s just nuts.

Also titled: why does the WordPress app suck so bad?!

I have been trying to post this for three days. WordPress HATES posting my photos. I’m starting to hate the WordPress app, and WordPress in general.

Today (written for Monday) it’s back to real life, but my district gave us a staff day, for which I’m so grateful. Today I get to type slyly while I’m supposed to be listening, and maybe even get some time to work with my colleagues (ie get some real shit done!)

Our anniversary weekend was very nice. My husband had a whole day planned, which lots of stops for amazing food and interesting drinks along the way. We also got to revel in the beauty of where we live.

Our break is almost over. My parents are taking our kids tonight so my husband and I can celebrate our anniversary (which is today!) and then we’re back to real life next week.

I have to say, the break ended up being a lovely couple of weeks. I hesitate to use the word “lovely,” because that felt overly positive, but honestly? I think it was quite lovely. It was a good mixture of fun and relaxing and productive. I didn’t get as much done as I wanted but I also got enough done that I don’t feel much glaring regret. We didn’t spend too much time on the new screens but enough that the kids were satisfied. We got outside at least once a day (when the weather permitted – which was most days)! We had friends over, which was when I got some stuff done around the house. And some friends reciprocated, which allowed us to have play dates without sibling squabbles. We did some fun activities – Exploratorium, Muir Woods, ice-skating at Civic Center, WinterFest at the local amusement park, Spies in Disguise at the theater, hike in San Bruno Mountain Park (a new running spot to be sure! I got an annual parking pass!) but also had plenty of down time. My son and I made it to some of the few martial arts classes offered. I got some grading done, and made it to my classroom once. I took down and stored all the Christmas stuff. All in all it was a really nice break – so much better than I ultimately expected.

Besides the weather and the absence of illness, the main thing that made this a nice break is that my kids are finally old enough to enjoy a break! They can hang out at home, listening to audiobooks or podcasts (or actually reading for my daughter) when they need down time and they can navigate a day trips without a ton of managing from the adults. My husband and I seem to be better at parenting them together too, which is probably more the effect of them needing less parenting to begin with. The secret to our success then was just that our kids are getting older! As I suspected, I am a much happier parent to older kids.

I do think we are in the sweet spot right now with their ages. My daughter is already showing glimpses of tweendom, and her attitude is sure to get a lot more challenging, but right now she only flirts with the eye rolling and “you’re such a dumbass” tone. Right now she still wants to hang out with us and ultimately craves our positive attention, which I hope will last for a couple more years at least. Meanwhile our son is still cuddly and snuggily enough for me to get my “youngest kid snuggle fix,” but also independent enough to do a lot of things by himself. He doesn’t need me all the time, but really appreciates the time he does have with me. And while his moods can still be volatile, he’s learning how to manage them with fewer toys thrown and siblings hit.

So yeah. A really nice break. So nice that it gives me hope for the next couple of years. I think things could be really pleasant moving forward – at least until my kids enter adolescence. (Eek!)

I don’t usually write these year-end recaps but I feel like I should this year. Maybe if I did I’d be more cognizant of my accomplishments, and what I’ve overcome. I kind of wish I could go back and read these from past years, but there isn’t much. Oh well. Something to commit to moving forward!

{I got these questions randomly from here, because they seemed like what I was looking for.}

1. The most important goal that I achieved this year was: revamping my teaching style to include more technology. I’m really pleased with how my program is going so far.

2. My biggest fitness accomplishment was: passing my green belt test and breaking both my boards!

3. My biggest career accomplishment was: presenting an hour of very well-received professional development to my colleagues. People had really positive things to say about it and a few have already implemented ideas I shared (it was over a month ago so that is a VERY short turn around).

4. My biggest relationship accomplishment was: recognizing the awesomeness of my group of mom friends and being appreciative of their amazing presence in my life.

5. These are the skills I acquired this year: I mastered the yellow belt techniques at my dojo; I learned to effectively implement a lot of new teaching strategies; I greatly perfected a comprehensible-input technique that I have struggled with; I am better at controlling outbursts of anger.

6. A big mistake that I made this year—and the lesson that I learned as a result—was: So I didn’t make this mistake this year, but I was forced to reckon with it this year. My biggest mistake was moving too quickly to find a new tenant five years ago when we originally signed with the man who we bought out this year. We felt so financially squeezed that we went with the first friend-of-a-friend that came by, and we also charged way too little for rent, in an attempt to not participate in the incredibly messed up system that is SF rents. But what I learned is that if you have to participate in the system, you can’t try to rise above it, especially when later it will turn around and kick you in the ass. I so regret the choices we made with our unit back then, but I’m proud that we’re moving forward with a decision that makes us feel better even though it puts us in a financially difficult situation. (Also, our tenant leaves in two weeks!)

7. An obstacle or a challenge that I overcame this year: I managed this incredibly shitty tenant situation without regrets (the regrets are all about earlier choices), and that was hard for me.

8. This year, I learned the following about myself: I handle regret very poorly and I have a very hard time moving past my mistakes.

9. Here’s something I learned about other people: we’re all doing the best we can, even if it’s hard for us to see that about ourselves or each other.

10. This made me laugh the hardest this year: my husband. He handles everything with humor and I learn so much about different ways to weather challenges from him every day.

11. The most fun I had all year was: swimming with sea lions in La Paz, Mexico.

12. My best memory of the year was: the day trip to Espíritu Santo in La Paz with my husband and kids.

13. My biggest regret of the year was: not giving more. Giving more is a big goal of mine in 2020.

14. My biggest disappointment of the year was: how much money we had to pay our tenant to leave.

15. The books I read this year were: Ohhh. I am so not good at keeping track of this… The best book I read this year was definitely Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror, which I highly recommend and hope to write more about later.

16. My favorite movie of the year was: I really liked Captain Marvel. Did that come out this year?

17. A TV show I really enjoyed watching this year was: I absolutely adored Fleabag Season 2 (on Amazon Prime). It was so, so good. I was so bummed out when it ended (because I wanted to watch more.)

18. I really enjoyed this live performance (concert, play, musical, or dance performance): I just saw Cracker with my dad at the Great American Music Hall. I love the concerts I see with him (they are his gifts for Christmas from me) and this one was especially fun. Really brought me back to my high school years. I also saw Hamilton with two friends in September and loved it.

19. Here’s a song I listened to over and over again this year: True Love Will Find You In the End (Beck cover of a Daniel Johnston classic).

20, This is something I wish I hadn’t bought this year: Hmmm. There isn’t a specific purchase that I regret but I regret getting so much on Amazon. This is something I still struggle with because sometimes I can’t find what I’m looking for anywhere else. But I need to stop giving my money to that company, even if it means I just don’t get to have some things that I can’t find elsewhere. That is another goal in 2020.

21. This is the best thing I bought all year: My iPad Pro, which replaced my home computer and which I use all the time at home and school. It has been a major player in my curriculum revamp and I spent the summer agonizing over the purchase, but in the end was so glad that I made the leap.

22. Someone I really enjoyed spending time with this year was: my friend J. She’s the best.

23. I adopted this new positive habit: I brush my teeth early and don’t snack after 7:30pm (except for tea). This has made me feel a lot better physically.

24. I dropped this negative habit: taking on responsibilities I don’t want, or can’t actually perform.

25. One time I stood up for myself this year was: in my participation on the PTA. I’ve stepped WAY back, and while the people who were supposed to step up didn’t, it’s still been okay.

26. The scariest thing I went through this year was: Hmm. I don’t think “scary” is the right word, but it was really hard to let go of my grandmother, and her home, this year. So much harder than I expected (and it was a little scary because it forced me to realize that my parents, and aunts and uncles, are getting so much older and the dynamics of my extended family are going to be changing a lot in the next ten years.)

27. A really cool thing I created this year was: my “Profe Pulpo” persona at school. When I ask my students to be very engaged in a story or other comprehensible input I wear an octopus hat and they can earn stickers with my bitmoji wearing the octopus hat for their bingo boards. It has been a huge boon to participation in my room this year. And it’s a lot of fun.

28. My most common mental state this year was: Contented? Is that possible? It wasn’t depressed or anxious, I know that! Win!

29. Here’s how I grew emotionally this year: The massive change in our financial situation has forced me to do a lot of reckoning with my intense feelings of failure around money and finances. It’s been REALLY REALLY hard, and I’m sorry I haven’t written about it much hear but I honestly couldn’t bring myself to put down in writing that I’ve failed to grown much at all in this area despite coming here so many times and proclaiming I was going to try. This coming year we NEED to change the way we spend money, so I guess I’m going to learn if necessity can finally turn me around.

30. Here’s how I grew spiritually this year: I feel more balanced and centered, more aware of my priorities and values (though I’m still working on this).

31. The best gift I received this year was: a small inheritance from my grandmother’s estate, which definitely helped with the buy out.

32. The nicest thing someone did for me this year was: My friend J planned a birthday party for me! It was so thoughtful and I felt very appreciated.

33. The nicest thing I did for someone else this year was: I help my friends out with their kids a lot. I have a lot of help from family so I try hard to take their kids when they need it, or just for fun. I’m used to having a lot of kids around so it doesn’t faze me as much as it does others.

34. I showed real gumption this year when I: fixed the popcorn popper with a random extra piece from some old IKEA set. Saved me $40 and made me feel very resourceful.

35. If I could change one thing about this year it would be: more acceptance of my past mistakes. Looking forward instead of looking back.

36. A new food/dish I tried this year was: My husband has been shopping a lot more at the Asian mega-market near us and we’re having all sorts of interesting dishes with furikake and miso paste. They aren’t necessarily new to me, but they are definitely new additions to our regular dinner menu.

37. This year my physical health was: really good actually. I’m the strongest I’ve maybe ever been. Yay martial arts!

38. Here’s a new friend I made this year: I didn’t make any new friends this year but I’ve solidified my friendships with the moms I’ve been kind of hanging out with for a couple of years. I definitely feel like those friendships leveled up this year. 😉

39. This year I traveled to: La Paz Mexico! It was awesome!

40. Here’s one adventure I had this year: The first week in La Paz, when it was just the kids and me, was definitely an adventure.

41. One contribution I made to my community was: I put on the carnival at my daughter’s school last spring, which was a huge endeavor. I’m glad I did it, and I’m also glad I’m never doing it again.

42. This year I spent a lot of time here: at my dojo! I’m trying hard to build community there and it’s starting to pay off!

43. This year I broke out of my comfort zone by: presenting to my colleagues! That professional development I took in the summer has pushed me to try so many new things that I never would have attempted before, but that was definitely the most rewarding.

44. A hobby I loved spending time on this year was: martial arts. It’s both mentally and physically challenging.

45. This year I practiced self-care by: saying “no” to my previous PTA obligations, even if that meant nobody took them on.

46. My biggest time waster this year was: probably the AppleNews app before I deleted it. Scrolling their got BAD for a while – so many BuzzFeed listcicles! I just bought the NYTimes for $1 a week for the year and I’m so enjoying having that. It’s a great addition to TPM, which is my regular source for news and current events (and BBC Mundo for world news).

47. Here’s a great time-saving hack I learned this year: letting my husband take on more responsibilities! It’s crazy how much time you save when someone else does stuff instead of you!

48. What I am most grateful for this year is: my husband. He helped me through some hard stuff with great patience. I’m also thankful for my psychiatrist who urged me to take the plunge and try a new medication, which I think has helped me tremendously.

49. Here are three words that would sum up this year: Hard but good.

50. If I could travel back to the beginning of the year, here’s some advice I would give myself: Let the regret go. Learn from it but let it go. Also, be kind to yourself. You’re growing and changing, even if you don’t realize it.

Well it’s Monday again, and I can’t really believe that just last Monday we felt like we were starting break. It was a good week and looking back it felt long, but in the good way. It definitely felt like something of a break, and for that I’m very grateful.

The kids are waking up later than usual which gives us more time to sleep. We have had enough planned that no one is going totally stir crazy, and the Switch is still new enough that they are excited to play that when they can. We’ve had enough beautiful days, and we’ve made sure to get outside whenever it’s sunny, and that is definitely helping.

Now we have a week left and after spending a day at work I’m definitely in oh-shit-break-is-half-over-and-I-haven’t-gotten-anything-done mode. It’s a stressful place but maybe if I’m there now I can actually accomplish something meaningful before it’s too late. Today I want to think about what I would be most grateful to finish, so that when I start school again next week there is a little less weight on my shoulders.

I’m also realizing that it’s the end of the year, and the end of a decade (it’s not actually the end of a decade but if everyone thinks it is I might as well pretend like it is as well – and I appreciate the aesthetic of ending a decade when the numbers change) and I should be doing some reflection. When I think back at where I was in 2010 it’s insane to think of how much my life has changed. The “teens” where the beginning of the rest of my life, as they say. In the summer of 2010 I became a mother and turned 30. This coming summer my daughter turns “double digits” and I hit the big 40. (I do appreciate being born in a “ten” year as it makes it very easy to look back at my life by increments of 10 because my decades match up with the calendar). This past 10 years was absolutely the hardest, and most rewarding, of my life and I feel very grateful for all that I have. I hope do more reflection on the decade, but I suppose if that doesn’t happen at least I wrote this.

I was also realizing that I’ve been blogging for around 12 years now and that is an insane thing to think. I suppose I could go back and skim late-December posts of each year of my life to remember my previous reflections, but honestly, I’m less and less interested in looking back at my life as I get older. At least not in those ways. Maybe some day that will change…

I always struggle on breaks to strike the right balance between getting caught up (maybe even ahead? Ha!) and letting myself rest and relax. It can even be hard to determine what actually ends up being restful and relaxing and what only results in a comatose state (::cough:: binge watching something mindless on Netflix ::cough::). And of course all this is set in the background of my family and children and their needs and expectations. It’s a difficult tightrope to walk.

Today I’m at work, trying to plan out the month, and especially the first week as I’m taking Friday off to chaperone my daughter’s camping trip. But I also have The Magicians on in the background, so it’s NOT the saddest way to spend a Sunday.

(It’s NOT the saddest way to spend a Sunday! – I omitted the “not” before. 😉

After all the waiting and the counting down, Christmas finally arrived! And now it’s over. I do like this time of year, but it’s always a relief when it’s finally over.

And now it feels like the break really begins.

This year we have no plans, not even a short trip to the snow (which we did last year). I’m glad, because I’d love to get some work done around the house, and having this much time might actually mean it will happen.

We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at my parents’ house. I meant to spend the beginning of the day at a park with a friend and then in my classroom (where the kids would scooter around the blacktop), but the rain that was supposed to fall all day on Wednesday, actually hit Tuesday and my plans were thwarted. I did manage to get in a (very muddy) run before the sun went down, which I was very thankful for.

{I also managed to finally make and order the two calendars that were supposed to be gifts for both sets of grandparents, but that I struggled mightily to complete. I don’t know what is up with me this year but I’ve REALLY struggled doing a lot of the things that I have managed easily in past years. Maybe I really am just intensely burned out.}

Christmas morning was a success. The kids got what they wanted: a Nintendo Switch and a Chromebook. We spent much of the day playing on the Switch, and I will say, all four of us racing on MarioKart is really fun. So far my son has managed losing with the grace we were hoping (but not expecting) he could manage.

Both kids also got one day of “unlimited play” and “15 hours” of additional play each to be redeemed during the break. They both seem to think that yesterday was their one day of unlimited play, and while that was not my intent, I have not yet contradicted them. I’m going to hold that in my back pocket and see if I need it later.

Tonight we’re going to our local amusement park’s winter celebration. My husband worked on Christmas Eve but he didn’t go in today, and he doesn’t usually get to come to the park with us because we don’t get him a season pass, but we all got an extra “bring a friend pass” for renewing early (thanks mom!) and I get to use mine today to bring him in. I actually love amusement parks, especially now that my daughter likes rollercoasters, so it should be fun. It will also be good to get out of the house.

Right now I’m working out because I needed desperately to shower (wearing long johns for 24 hours straight will make you feel… gross) so I thought I might as well get sweaty first. Later I’ll take the kids to the park behind the library for a couple hours to take advantage of the sun that is finally out, and then we’ll head down to the amusement park. Tomorrow I have a couple of play dates set up, and I plan to work on the house while my son is at his friend’s house and my daughter has someone over to hang out.

So far the break has felt doable but next week is when we have the opportunity to feel cabin fever. I have a few day trips planned (only mentally – I still need to commit and buy tickets), one being Muir Woods, which I tried to visit last Thanksgiving (2018) but couldn’t because of the fires (the park was closed due to poor air quality). I am also considering the Monterey Bay Aquarium, but that is a much bigger commitment, especially financially.

Let the break begin!

Yesterday my kids were great. They played happily together, being kind and considerate to each other and to me. It was like a fairy tale where they reacted to every situation in the way I would have wanted.

They even took a bath together, which is something they haven’t attempted in years!

It was a really, really nice day. The perfect way to start our two week break. I decided early on that I would consider it their early (and let’s be honest, only) Christmas present.

It was definitely the best present I could ever get.

Happy Holidays! I hope you all get something as magical as I got yesterday.