Yesterday was a success. The kids did great on the bike ride. They were shaky to start but they found their footing and went for it. They made it all the way to the end of the closed portion of the road. And they had fun! I got some great pictures of all of us. And of them riding with my dad.
I realized as we were riding that a massive weight was lifting. I had been so nervous that it would be a disaster. That expectations wouldn’t be met and people would be disappointed. That I would have to put an emotional bandaid on a bad day.
I think that is why I was spiraling on Saturday. I was worried all my efforts would be for naught, and I’d regret even attempting the bike ride.
But it was a lot of fun. I don’t give my kids enough credit. Or my parents. I tell myself I’m trying to meet other people’s expectations. But probably the expectations are mine.
My husband had a nice day too. We got him a wireless beard trimmer and a shirt from a bar he wanted. We got my dad shirt too. Everyone was happy. Expectations were met.
I think I need to explore this more, because I’m recognizing patterns. I get stressed for my parents’ birthdays and Mother’s and Father’s Day, but then I do something pretty low key with them and it’s nice and they are happy. So why do I get so stressed? Why do I think they are looking for more than I can give, when that hasn’t been the case in ages. Maybe was never the case. I don’t know. There was definitely disappointment at some point, but they reconfigured their expectations so now I can meet them. I have to remember that.
What a great photo! Happy to read this follow-up post. I’d def lower expectations – especially for damn Hallmark holidays – and just have the plan be something low key WITHOUT you having to organize/plan/stress in the lead up to it.
Mark on your calendar for 2024 to re-read this post in mid April.
Hopefully it will both reset your mental familiar reactions to the holidays AND remind you to talk about WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE for Mother’s Day. To say out loud to them that in the past xxx and for this year you would like yyy. And, yyy can be simple. I know a single mom who used to give her young child about $20 and take them to walk around an appropriate store; then mom would leave store and wait outside while child purchased a surprise for Mother’s Day. I think your children both have some money so you need not quite so directly fund the item …… Cliff’s on Castro is a good place for such an excursion. Kids learn about money and gift selecting too. OR ask your parents to take the children shopping….. Avoid the nasty left out unloved unappreciated opportunities.
Reduce the negative potential. Even mention florist & grocery stores and that a bouquet can be pretty and not expensive.
Remind your self that YOU are loved and YOU are a gift to your parents!
Honestly just a card would be great. I’m going to ask my kids to make me a card on my birthday this year. I’ve never specifically asked before, I think because I’m afraid I’ll ask and they still won’t do it and I’ll feel even worse. But I guess I need to try. But I def need to set a reminder to myself about setting expectations around these days, because I clearly get caught up in whatever story I’m telling myself.
About a year ago I took my son on a bike ride with family members. He was an inexperienced rider and so was I and I was sooooo nervous in the day or two leading up to it. I was nervous we couldn’t keep up, that everyone would get annoyed with us, that I couldn’t figure out the bike rack. I remember being very distracted by my anxiety. Anyway, we had an AMAZING time and my son rode alongside his cousin the whole time and there was nothing to worry about. So I understand this anxiety.
Yes! The bikes add a lot of anxiety. And sometimes my kids love them and do great and sometimes they do NOT and everyone is miserable. This time they were both on new bikes and we hadn’t been in ages so I was doubly stressed. But it went great and I’m so relieved.
I’m so happy for you! It’s hard to set appropriate expectations when there are so many people with their own feelings, it seems.
We had one of those expectations mismatches this past weekend so ours didn’t go nearly so well. I need to figure out what our pattern is.