I’m in crap mood. This week has not been what I had hoped it would be.
I’m tired and I still don’t feel great. I’m having a hard time getting to sleep at night and I’m tired.
My husband came home sick and is not only not helping much, but it also creating more messes that he is not cleaning up. At least his PCR test came back negative!
My son probably won’t get to test for his red belt this Saturday, which means he has to wait until mid-May. We’ve been practicing SO MUCH and the idea of keeping it up to be ready in several weeks (or starting over again in a few weeks) it totally defeating.
My allergies are awful and my eyes itch like crazy.
It’s supposed to be 85* where I work today and my classroom doesn’t have air conditioning.
My school’s calendar doesn’t match my kids’ schools’ calendars much at all next year; even our Christmas breaks are different! We are changing up our staff meeting schedule and we’ll have an hour more of meetings a month, which is such an incredible bummer because we already waste so many hours in so many unnecessary meetings. I hate pretty much everything about our new contract. It is such a disappointment.
The news is nothing but awful and more awful every day.
But the biggest thing is I just had my period and my mood sucks. I am a sad sack. I even dusted off my “Sad Sack” mix last night so I could feel shitty to the dulcet chords of Tori Amos’s 10,000 Oceans.
I am in full pity party mode. And I know it’s hormonal because the shift was so swift. I felt fine on Sunday night and by Tuesday morning I was deep in a hole I can’t see my way out of. It’s only gotten worse.
I’m driving to the coast to run today (I’m hoping it will be slightly cooler over there) and hopefully I”ll feel better after that. If not I guess I just have to push through until my hormones stabilize again. (And yes, I know some people have really positive experiences on some kind of birth control pill or hormone replacement therapy during perimenopause but I have had very bad experiences on pretty much every kind of BCP so I’m not super interested in trying them again. They make me feel like a crazy person, which makes me very uninterested in any kind of hormonal replacement therapy at this point. Maybe if things become consistently awful I will look into them.)
Sorry to be a giant bummer, but it’s where my head is at right now. I’m sure my next post will be more positive,.
What do you do when you feel super down and you can’t seem to pull yourself out of it?
I remind myself to not make any major decisions until I feel better.
I remind myself it is hormonal and will change (and try to not remember that it will then COME AGAIN ~ which is super depressing until it happens only VERY rarely, thankfully.)
Exercise … going to coast to do so is brilliant as it will be hot.
Sometimes it helps to announce you are putting yourself in ‘timeout at home in your room’ and must be left alone for X time until you feel better AND YOU NEED HOUSE PICKED UP BY THEN!
Breath in and out and keep repeating. Because it does get better! I think this is when I started counting blessings …. shelter, food, hot and cold clean running water, clothing, stove, electricity, etc. (Do not read about the Supreme Court decision being reported today.)
HUGE SUPPORT.
I’ve been feeling that way- a lot! With 2 years of nearly complete quarantine for Covid, and my husband’s stage 4 cancer diagnosis in January I was in a deep hole. A few weeks ago I made an appointment online for telehealth (it wasn’t through my insurance, but was cheaper than our copay, so if you want the info let me know). I saw an amazing practitioner who not only gave me sleeping pills which I was badly needing (with 30 years of chronic pain my sleep is crappy usually and had gotten insanely bad). She also prescribed medication that I thought was anti depressant but she prescribed it for anxiety. I had NO idea how bad my anxiety was until I started the medicaion and most of it evaporated. And, she also put me on a muscle relaxant for the spasms I have. I still don’t feel HAPPY, but the fog isn’t just engulfing me anymore. Apparently, I really needed some help.