This past weekend was just what we needed to reset after the insanity of last week. We got some QT with our kids, some QT without our kids (so very needed) and some general down time. I definitely feel better going into this week than I have any since we started school (it being a four day week certainly helps).
As things settle down, I’m trying to figure out how to return to certain aspects of our lives. Martial arts has been sorely neglected, especially by me, and I’m trying to figure out which classes work best with my schedule. I’m also trying to figure out when to get my son to the dojo, which is especially complicated now that he plays soccer. He’s never had a second activity vying for his time, and I have to admit, I’m struggling with it.
I’m also struggling to show up here. I have an hour – 9 to 10pm – to myself between the kids’ bedtime and my own. So far I have been loathe to spend that time in this space. Usually I need to get some work done. Or at least I should. But even when I don’t have to do something, I don’t generally want to do this. Mostly I don’t want to do anything at all. I feel perpetually behind at work, but I’m hoping I’ll fall into a rhythm and I’ll feel more on top of it all soon. Maybe if everything else feels more manageable, this space will feel more manageable too.
The news cycle is dire these days. I mean, it has been for what feels like forever. I guess I hoped things would calm down, but they don’t. But maybe new cycles are built that way, to always make everything seem catastrophic. Things these days really do seem to be catastrophic though… I don’t know. It’s hard to just keep reading about it and then going through life as if it’s not happening.
I’m feeling really adrift lately. My friend group is socializing in ways we don’t feel comfortable with and I feel like I’m being left behind. I know I’m mostly “telling myself stories” about what is happening, but I also know some of the stories are true. I’m so bad at being the one to drive meaningful interactions forward… if they are doing that with each other in other spaces, I’m bound to get left behind. For the first time in a really long time I had something I’ve wanted forever. It was so amazing while it lasted, and it’s really sad to watch it change into something else. Maybe it will go back to how it was some day, or maybe I can keep a small piece of it going.
I’m not sure what the end game is anymore. I mean yes, my kids getting vaccinated will take a huge weight off, but will it really change much in our day to day lives? We’ll still all be wearing masks all day. We’ll still be quarantining when there is a close contact. How long do those measures stay in place? When will it finally feel like we’re coming out of this? Will we let our kids see their friends inside after they are vaccinated? That would be something to look forward to at least.
I just need to keep taking things one day at a time, but planning at least a week out. That is the current game plan.
yes. It is a day at a time.
Yes, the news is dire and while improved from a year ago there are new dangerous threats looming ever nearer. Voting apathy is scaring me; for good reason because the radicals WILL vote and Have voted.
I am hoping the friend circle is not drawing away but that you are tired and exhausted. But I also feel the issue of needing to be more conservative in health risks than some of my friends and then feeling outside. It is a tightrope to walk. Can you show up and wear double masks or a single if outside? Saying your job creates risks for them. I have done that sort of thing and it helped.
Does son really want to continue both Dojo AND soccer or does soccer have a seasonality that would allow a temporary Dojo pause and then restart? It is hard to schedule in everything and still have any time and balance time for you in a family of 4 people.
Support! Best wishes to you and all your readers.
A paramedic friend (single and childless) In OR posted this article. (You are not alone.)
http://www.huffpost.com/entry/i-am-so-fking-tired_l_61375f2ce4b0df9fe27b4bde?fbclid=IwAR0Ri6UijBmmndwCkMQeIQnEg4F4C7lO2wH8LoPUs_FWej-iEh0DsFREy68
I love this! Thank you for sharing!
I have been thinking about you and wondering how it was going…I think we all understand that you may not jump on here and write as much as before so please don’t worry about this space. We will be here to listen when you feel like writing
I think the feeling of no end in sight is really hard. It’s also so hard to keep navigating with a spouse. I am basically ready to resume indoor play dates with a few friends and family and my husband is not. I understand he has some remaining anxiety but I feel like the trade offs of our mental health are becoming more and more dire. We both still work 100 percent from home and have very little in person socializing aside from some neighbors because it’s so hard to make plans when you need to be outdoors. He’s basically stopped trying. Anyway you do you and no judgement from me but losing a social circle is heartbreaking. I’m really really trying to stop that from happening to my kids but don’t want to be dumb about risk after all this time- the trade offs are just tough.