Well, the first week of October was not at all what I was hoping for. I wanted October to be chill and it was the opposite of that, both literally and metaphorically.
I feel like I’ve gotten a lot better at identifying silver linings lately, but some weeks I just feel done. It’s hard to appreciate the positive when you’re just so tired.
We were talking about students who need support this week (conferences are next week) and a colleague referred to one as a “struggle bug” because they have hard time with just about every aspect of academic life. I liked that term, and have been thinking of myself as a struggle bug lately, in an attempt to soften the edges of everything that feels hard.
So here are some things this struggle bug has been struggling with. (I did add the silver linings, I really do think I’ve gotten so much better at identifying and appreciating them!)
THE HEAT
For real I am SO OVER this heat wave. Tuesday and Wednesday were the hottest days, and then it was supposed to get cooler. And it did, incrementally. The high was only 85* down at work on Friday, of course my room was still getting to 84* because it’s never really cooling off at night so everything is just staying warm. We got a couple of cool nights in SF though, and one morning I actually wore thin pj pants when I came upstairs in the morning! But this weekend we’re back in the low 90s during the day and I’m so, so over it. My house was 82* last night at 10:30. I had fans running in three windows but none of them helped. Last night the temp did drop into the high 60s, so the house is currently only at 74* even though it’s already 80* outside. I was going to run early today, but by the time I was ready to leave at 9am it was already almost 80* and I decided that wasn’t how I wanted to start my Sunday. So I’m on the elliptical with a fan blasting in my face.
{Silver lining: I took the kids to the beach last night and it was lovely. The air was cooler and the views were incredible. I’m glad we got out of the hot house and enjoyed the beach, which we rarely visit these days.}
ANTS
Even after thoroughly cleaning out my car, they are still in there. They are in my classroom. I feel like they are climbing all over me all the time. Most of the time there is nothing there, but it feels like there is. It’s driving me crazy. I really need to get rid of the ants, but it’s hard in my car and I can’t do anything about them in my room (only maintenance can attempt to manage them.
{Silver lining: The Ants-Swarming-Yeti-Disaster of 2024 did prompt me to clean my car more thoroughly than it’s been cleaned in a long time. I do appreciate having a clean car, and being motivated not to eat anything in it.}
MY NEW COMPUTER
Tech traded my old computer out for a new one earlier this week and it’s been a rocky transition. It really struggles to manage a google slide deck when I’m screen sharing it to the TV. This is primarily the way I teach so having it not work well makes pretty much every lesson choppy and annoying. The kids start talking during the lulls and then I need to work to get back their attention. Also, I forgot to backup Firefox before I turned in my old computer so now all my autofills are gone. I have to reset my passwords constantly because I can’t remember any of them. I use Firefox for my personal life stuff and it’s been a giant PITA realizing that I can’t log on to anything anymore. (Getting on to this site was a whole journey.)
{Silver lining: The new computer does not over heat, nor does it turn itself off. So there is that! I also really like the action of the keys. Once I get my logins populated in Firefox, I’m sure I’ll be thrilled with this new machine. Also, I logged back on to my original blog today for the first time in probably a decade. That was kind of fun.}
EXERCISE
I’m in a workout rut. It’s hard to get motivated to do much of anything. My stationary bike is knocking so hard I can’t really stand being on it. Getting a used Peloton bike below $1K is proving harder to manage than I expected. I’ve emailed so many people and none of them get back to me. One person finally did, but communication is slow (they never respond within 48 hours). Supposedly I’m going to pick it up next Sat but the timing will be hard for me. I’m not quite sure what is going on, but it’s been kind of hard, because usually working out is a bright spot in my day. I’m actually wondering if I’m falling into a bit of a low-mood situation and that is making it hard for me to get motivated. I also think working out consistently 5x/week for most of the summer was too much. I haven’t been to the dojo much at all since school started and that means I’m cycling through my workouts more frequently at home. I’m trying hard to just work out 4x/week for now, and to get to the dojo more often. Hopefully, I can get my hands on a Peloton bike and the novelty of actually seeing my resistance, cadence and output will keep me interested for a while. Also, hopefully I can start making time for running, which I haven’t been able to incorporate as much.
{Silver lining: My shoulder seems to be fully recovered, which means a lot more upper body workouts are available to me now.}
MY HOUSE
It’s a mess. I don’t really want to write too much about it, because I’m not at the place where I’m motivated to really tackle it, but needless to say it’s a tag in my clothes that’s rubbing my skin raw.
{Silver lining: Committing to the Peloton bike (which is longer than my current bike) has prompted me to dispense with a piece of furniture in the downstairs kitchen that was not serving us. I plan to empty it today and put it outside later this week.}
WORK
One of my classes continues to struggle meeting behavior expectations. I’ve never had a class be this unwieldy this early in the year. I’ve come to dread teaching them, and my reactions to their behavior is increasingly negative. It’s only early October and their behavior will only become more challenging as they year goes on. I’m heartsick for the students who are trying their best and missing out on opportunities to learn, because I can’t manage their peers. It sucks.
{Silver lining: Their behavior on Friday prompted me to create a new classroom agreement with them. I started typing it up Friday afternoon and am committed to having it ready on Monday. I feel relatively confident that I can follow through with it too.}
CALENDAR/PLANNING SYSTEM
I’m really struggling to keep my life organized right now. I don’t really have a monthly calendar layout I’m using (my 18 month Erin Condren calendar is up in December, and I haven’t really been using it since last month). My husband, daughter and I share a calendar on our phones that is really helpful, but the layout doesn’t feel very accessible to me visually. We have a whiteboard calendar for the month and that helps, when I’m home. I use a weekly calendar, but not consistently enough. I’m also struggling with planning at work. Finding a planning system that works for me, and sticking to it, has always been a big struggle for me. I just can’t seem to figure it out, despite so many attempts. It’s definitely my ADHD, and a lack of practice my whole life. I’ll keep trying.
{Silver lining: I pre-ordered Kendra Adachi’s The Plan, which comes next week. Maybe I’ll find some tips in there that will work for me. I’ll admit I don’t have a lot of hope (her suggestions always seem to be so… abstract), but it’s nice to have something to look forward to.)
HEAT: It is currently 92 where I am in SF on Sunday. HOT. I looked at Phoenix Az 110, and Chico CA 102 to remind myself to be grateful….. But those locations have a/c. And, lower humidity. But tomorrow they (weather people) claim it will be cooler and more normal here. Hope so. But fear your classroom will have heated up like the oven and not cooled off as the oven door was closed all weekend, so to speak. BEST WISHES on getting there early enough to open windows and have that help!
ANTS: If your car was parked and shut and in the sun over the weekend it MIGHT have heated up enough to reduce the ant population but last year that did not work for me. I used hand vac after HOT day in sun in car and particularly banged the plastic where it meets the carpet to encourage the ants to come out to attack ‘enemy’ and that really improved things. An expensive detailed cleaning might help if hand vac is not enough. I hesitate to spray ant poison in car for obvious health reasons. Also totally banned all food/drink in car. Have held to that since got rid of ants. I do think those ‘grants ant sticks’ things can work. Once ants get into the car they really make nest fast. Maybe you can open hood and look/vacuum there. Also see if you have leaves in the space between outside of front window glass and hood over engine and clean that out as it is good nesting situation. Ants in cart is not nice!
All the rest: LOVED AND APPRECIATE THE PICTURES! looks cool even if it was warm. hope computers, restless class students, exercise all calm down this coming week. You have due cause to feel irritated by each and every one of these things. AND getting calendar system that works for ALL who are involved is super hard. Fingers totally crossed for you! Needs to be simple so easy to use too! But you have a complicated life and so do your children and husband ….. so even a simple system is automatically more complex.
Good wishes, thank you for writing, You continue to impress me and help me see the miracles your generation achieves under such unrelenting pressures. It is rugged! Accolades for your achievements.
Have you heard of the Skylight Calendar? We’ve just ordered one, so I cannot personally attest to it yet, but I am SO excited about it. A calendar that hangs on the wall and syncs to our iPhone calendar so we can all see everything? Chore lists I can input from my phone and assign to each person/they can check off as complete? A “magic import” feature where I can take photos of appointment cards or school flyers or screen shots of the million things the school emails out and then it will automatically upload to my calendar? Yes, please! I expect, once I figure it all out, this will be life changing!
Ugh. I would HATE to be that hot and not have AC! I complain about the heat in Florida, but at least we’re used to it, and we have AC everywhere. Being hot like that would sap my motivation. I’m hoping it will cool down soon for you (it has to… right???) and you’ll get into a good workout routine. That should help your mindset. It won’t fix everything of course (your teaching situations sound challenging!) but I think it will make you feel better in general.
Oh, ants… we have an ongoing problem with ants in the house. They get really bad when it rains a lot (like… now) and I agree, it’s annoying and disconcerting to always feel like there’s something crawling on you.
Terro liquid ant baits work REALLY well. You have to be patient because at first all the ants come find it like it’s a party. You have to leave them alone, then they take the poison back to their nest and the problem basically disappears.
Monday was nasty hot again when that wasn’t projected. Very still til evening and no sign of fog moving in. 73 at 6:30am with no air movement.
SF doesn’t have FL humidity but being surrounded on 3 sides by water it is more humid than on the east side of the bay.
Thought of you and your classes a lot today.
HOPE TOMORROW IS EASIER!