Today marks six weeks since the shelter-in-place order took effect here in San Francisco. The first one was set to end on April 6th. It was almost immediately extended to May 4th. The schools announced not long after that that we weren’t actually going back on May 4th. That we were not going back at all this year. I guess that is when we shifted to an amorphous end date. The governor’s shelter-in-place order has never included an end date. He knew early to play the long game.
There are seven more weeks of my school year. Five of my kids’. On the one hand it’s important because distance learning makes things more stressful, so knowing we can set it aside eventually is a relief. On the other hand. I know that once distance learning ends we lose the structure that keeps our kids vaguely sane, and that setting limits will be harder once their days are open and they think they should be able to do whatever they want.
Camp Mather is cancelled. The summer camp registration never even happened. I never bought tickets to St. Louis. Right now summer looks like eight weeks of the same. Except I won’t be working so it will be assumed that I’ll spend all my time with my kids while my husband gets his work done. I am very tired of spending all my time with my kids. I love them dearly, but I don’t particularly like them right now. I’m sure they feel the same way. We all need some time and space from each other but there is no time or space to be had.
I’ve been out twice this week and it felt like there were way more people on the sidewalks and way more cars on the road. It feels like we’re shifting from, “okay we can shut it all down and stay in our houses for a while,” to “if this isn’t going to end we need to find a more sustainable normal.”
I don’t really understand what the end game is. We can’t possibly keep this up until a vaccine is found – that is at least a year away if they even find own, and our economy would be destroyed beyond repair by then. The death and suffering wrought of joblessness and food scarcity would far exceed that of the virus if we kept the current restrictions in place for over a year. A flattened curve means our hospitals can manage the case loads but it also pushes herd immunity out by not just months but years. So how does this end? How do we determine our new normal when every choice is the wrong one?
My depression and anxiety are so prevalent these days. The wheels of my thought processes have fallen back into the deep ruts of hopeless and despair that mental illness laid down in my brain for so many years. For over a decade a combination of medication and exercise has kept my thought process away from this ruts. Now our circumstances have pushed me back into them and my medication and exercise can’t push my thoughts out of those deep ruts. I don’t think anything can.
The hopelessness of depression is so familiar. It’s easy to succumb to the numb of not caring. The gray tint blurring the edges of my days is the obvious filter. Depression fits like a well worn glove that is still soft from all those years of flexing my fingers inside it. Despite a decade of being folded away, it feels familiar, and familiarIty, even a familiarity that scares me, is a comfort. A part of me just wants to put it on completely and wear it like an armor, and let it take me wherever it may. It would be so easy. But another part of me knows that if I follow the deep grooves of that thinking too far I’ll maybe never being able to get my wheels out of them again. The inertia needed will be to great. And inertia will be in short supply for a long while.
The problem is I may not have a choice.
Depression lurks. It is not a good idea to let it in.
Write out what is non-negotiable for you for this summer. Some projects YOU want done. Some learning you want to do for you. Some time alone every day. YOU decide and figure the schedule YOU want to follow for you.
Let your kids be bored and without screens this summer so they figure out their interests and how to pursue them. Required outdoor in back yard time and times of absolute no talking. They can write down their needs during this time. (use of bathroom as needed is given but no snacks or drink other than water in plastic glass.)
The world is changing and we do not know the future so do not assume anything about it’s shape. Do lesson planning for the fall based on the existing knowledge you do have. Set up modules you can drop into place for each grading period.
I can speak to the numbers for SARS-CoV-2. To date, we are just over 1 million confirmed cases in the US alone, and this number is very likely on the very low end as we aren’t testing to the level we need to be. Additionally, we know that asymptotic infections are high (10-30%), and though death rates are 0.5-1%, people are most contagious 1-2 days prior to symptoms appearing. Additionally, there was a study released yesterday from JAMA that reported an 88% death rate for patients with COVID-19 who require ventilators. Since most who require have underlying autoimmunity issues (diabetes, cardiovascular disease and obesity), this population is most at risk. That and the trend still holds that those who are older are more at risk.
So to answer your question, we need a huge ramp-up in testing. We still don’t know about long-term immunity with this virus (will it require yearly immunizations or is it a once-in-a-lifetime thing), which is where the focus is now in addition to getting a reliable test.
And as far as reopening, I think that speaks to leadership (remember our president just suggested that people inject themselves with bleach in order to treat COVID-19). My hope is that people remember this pain when it comes time to vote. But getting back to your question, it really comes down to being aware that reopening too soon will only lead to another closure. Our healthcare system and society isn’t prepared for pandemics and we’re all suffering from this.
I don’t have suggestions for the mental health end other than accessing as many resources as needed to cope. Everyone is finding ways to help them manage, including admitting that are managing and need advice. I don’t know about Kaiser, but Sutter and Stanford have been offering televisits with providers which have been extremely useful. My company has also invested in wellness apps as well as encouraged bonding activities.
In short, I know it’s been a hard 6 weeks. I’m sorry that you are suffering. Many of us in the research space are working overtime to get through this.
I know you’re having a hard time but that take – – that it would be worse for the economy/more deaths for people to stay inside/lose their jobs – – sounds downright Trumpian. Surely you know better than this. It’ll be much worse for the economy if we have overwhelmed hospitals and millions of people dying. No one left to plant or harvest produce — 25% of cases in my county (of course we are not testing nearly enough people) are in the agricultural industry. No one left to work in the grocery stores. And so on. People would be worse off if things open up because if they’re too scared to go to work they won’t be able to file for unemployment – – which is probably why the Georgia governor is allowing workplaces that typically employ people of color/low income people to open up – – so they won’t be able to file for unemployment. As much as I don’t think (despite my high level of education) that I’m qualified to homeschool – – I don’t believe anybody is unless you’re a teacher – – if I lived in a state where schools were opening up too early I would absolutely keep my kids home.
When I said that if we stayed this locked down for a year that our economy would be destroyed, and that more people might die from food scarcity or other poverty-cussing social health issues I wasn’t arguing that it meant we should open earlier, just stating a fact. Both options lead to suffering and death. That is all I am saying. I have no idea what the right course of action is and I’m thankful it’s not my job to determine that for anyone other than me and my family. I just recognize that no matter what we do, horrible things will happen.
My understanding is no one believes it’s feasible to be locked down like this for a full year. Is there any proposed long game in which that is being considered?
We are in Canada and over 6 weeks into stay at home. Cases are not as high but we have strong public health and do not pay for health care. The government is trying to mitigate economic losses for everyone. It is a tough time. But there is hope. Hope by everyone staying home that we can have limited access to things like parks and beaches later. I am sitting with anxiety daily with an ongoing contract. The thought of another year is beyond depressing so I am taking it day by day and week by week. My kid is helped by 2 parents who work different hours. Yet it is difficult sharing 800 sq ft with no access to the outdoors.
I live in Germany and have been isolating for about 6 weeks as well. We’re slightly behind Italy and slightly ahead of the US in terms of disease progression, but with a far lower death rate. Parks haven’t been closed here, but there are large fines for failing to social distance in any public places, and playgrounds have been closed. Shops smaller than 800 square metres were allowed to reopen last Monday. Barring another uptick in cases before then from the first set of loosened restrictions, schools are reopening as of May 4th for students in some grades (e.g those slated to graduate or move to the next level of school), with major limitations (class sizes on any given day capped at 8-10 students when the normal class size would be 30, students must wear masks etc.). Masks are strongly encouraged whenever you’re in public (to protect other people from what you could be carrying), and in my region are mandatory if you are on public transit. More businesses will be allowed to reopen on May 4th as well. The RKI (equivalent of the CDC) will continue tracking cases carefully and the government will make decisions on whether and how to continue reopening the economy or to restrict again based on how things go in the coming weeks. There is hope that it won’t be exactly like this for a year or more, but caution.
I also am familiar with the fit of the glove of depression and anxiety, and the familiar ruts thinking patterns can get stuck in related to them. My patterns are related to anxiety about my parents in their 70s getting sick, not being there to look after them because I live abroad, and having to return to my home country for their funerals. And there’s no answer to that, no certainty. All that has worked for me is taking things one day at a time, using the coping mechanisms I have developed in better times (exercise and meditation especially), asking for help when I need it from the people around me and seeking therapy (online resources are extremely helpful right now). And, being kind with myself. Thinking too far ahead causes panic and depression, so staying in the moment as much as possible has been essential for me.