Start of week 8

Mothers Day ended up being quite nice. I didn’t get up until 9:30, at which point my kids came down with cards and breakfast for me in bed. They also had two air plants for me that my mom had gotten but left for them to gift me. I took my kids down to hike with my parents in the park near them that recently reopened. And then they watched the kids in the hot tub while I ran in that same park. All in all it was a nice day.

My kids only have two full weeks of “school” left. They officially end on June 2nd, but I wonder if they’ll expect anyone to “show up” on those last two days. It was already dumb enough to end on a Tuesday and now it feels especially useless. I am looking forward to a break in the daily power struggles associated with distance learning, but I’m worried about the loss of a schedule, especially when there is nothing to fill the void.

I have school until June 11th, so almost a full two weeks longer than they do. Our students are going to learn soon that we aren’t posting traditional grades this trimester, but instead will be doing some form of Pass/Fail (probably Pass/Insufficient Evidence) and once that happens, I worry the few students who have been showing up and putting in some effort will officially be done. Maybe at that point the kids who have disappeared might come back to try to salvage a “pass” out of their failing grade?

After mid-June we’re looking at… more of the same, except without the external expectations of school. I’m looking forward to being done with this daily grind, but the vast nothingness that stretches after it sends me into a panic. We’re going to need to find a schedule that works for all of us, and I doubt that will be easy as each of us wants different things (and some things, like unlimited Switch time, are absolutely not on the table.)

I got a new computer from work but I’m paralyzed by the prospect of moving everything to it so I can actually use it. This frustrates me, as my old computer is struggling. I asked my husband for help, saying it could be his Mothers Day present to me. I know he could get it done much faster than I could and I’m hoping with a little guidance the whole thing won’t feel so daunting. I’ve had this computer A LONG time and there is a lot on it. My personal computer died years ago so this has basically everything from the last two or three years on it. It’s going to be a lot of work to move it all over (and probably I should go through it all first so I’m not moving over stuff that I won’t need again).

I tweaked my shoulder and neck last week but they are feeling better now. I also tweaked my elbow that seems to have calmed down. I’m struggling to stick with virtual martial arts – it’s just very hard for a visual learner like me to engage with this platform. But I want to have martial arts to go back to if that is ever possible. Right now though, it’s hard to show up.

I’m rereading The Explosive Child. Actually, I bought the abridged audiobook on Audible (it’s an Audible exclusive) because listening for three hours is something I can actually manage. The simple reminder that “kids do well when they can” is helping. The acknowledgement that what I’m dealing with is intense and difficult validates my struggle and feelings, making things easier to manage. Still, it’s exhausting, and I am reminded on a daily basis that I am a better parent when I have time away from my kids.

Not much else to report. I can’t believe it’s mid-May, and that it’s been almost two full months since our world was turned upside down. It no longer feels like we’re in crisis mode, but we’re certainly not thriving. I guess manageable is a step up from where we have been, so I’ll take it.