Yesterday I acknowledged all the things I’m grateful for during this difficult time. Now I’m going to mention the challenges.
And there are a lot of challenges.
Teaching distance learning is hard. Supervising my kids’ distance learning is hard. Shelter in place is hard. Social distancing is hard. Being isolated from the people I like and love is hard. Negotiating with my husband is hard. Keeping the house inhabitable is hard. Managing the anxiety is hard. Accepting the uncertainty is hard. Coming to terms with the fact that we’ll likely not go back this school year is… devastating.
I wanted to write more about it, but it’s midnight and I just can’t. All week I’ve been with my kids most of the day and then working until the early hours of the morning and I can’t keep it up. Something has got to give. I’m going to reassess this weekend. If we were just doing this for one more week I could get through, but if it’s for 2.5 more months I need a whole different game plan.
I hope you’re all making it work somehow. These are hard times.
YES. These are hard times and everyone is super pressured. No, you cannot double job full time around the clock 24/7 for months on end like you could if this were going to be 2 weeks. You need to get a full complement of sleep almost every night. You need time to do your paid job which means a partner needs to step up child and schoolwork participation to a minimum of 1/2 day during normal work hours and do their normal evening participation. Yes, many partners will say they cannot. BUT they must.
And yes I understand the intense hysterical pressure that is going on with contractual and senior administrative levels in corporations, cities, companies. I have 3 in your generation all in crisis control positions 24/7 52 weeks a year, even on holidays and vacations. And, yes, they have young children. The single parent one has the elder but not high school and the other child is in grade 1-3 range range. There are also medical needs requiring exposure so I really do understand the problem of dealing with both arithmetic/foreign languages/science etc and senior CEO’s with MAJOR problems.
So it is impossible, but it must happen, or you will get sick, possibly die and your survivor co-parent will have 100% childcare and no security of your income and health benefits continuing.
Luckily you, not I, will hold these negotiations. So much easier for me to lay a rigid line as I am not in a partnership. But my bottom line is true.
IF you are exhausted WHEN you get covid…. your survival is at greater risk. Not as terrible statistically as for those in my age group and up … but very very real and competing with my age group for death rates is not a smart plan. One of my dearly beloveds tells me, there is an 80% of survival at 80 and up as a counter thought. It makes me laugh … and cry because that 20%…….
Now, before you totally exile me:
Having a plan and requirement of both fun and work for each person daily will help. Your son can be in charge of all tidying of public spaces & dusting surfaces, pile for each person of ‘displaced items’ at their bedroom door. He can clear table, dry & put away clean dishes 3 times a day. I certainly was doing that at his age. He may be able to do the washing and drying machines for laundry – perhaps not the sorting but the folding and taking to door of owner of clean clothes. (If your daughter does not know how to do this she needs to learn by going first then one week on, next week the other child. Your daughter can take on daily maintenance of bathrooms (yep, the brush in the toilet is part of that as well as toothpaste on mirrors), washing dishes IF the two can co-exist on joint space job of meal clean up, and vacuuming in public spaces. I suggest she take one day or more a week for lunch food preparation under supervision as well as breakfast. Yes, there is leaning curve but she will learn. I still remember eating curried potatoes, curried lamb, and curried peas, (but not curried jello) one dinner when my younger brother who loved curry was taking his turn. We ate it. We all were fine. He learned. Over 50yrs later it is still a source of laughter.
About social isolation/distance. IT IS HARD. It is qualitatively different than living alone was in October or even December. I have set up 3 1hour periods a day, 1 a.m., 1 p.m., 1 evening where I call someone. I have a friend who is now doing Zoom at dinner time with their wide-spread children, grown grands and the littlest generation. You can have the grands and extended family at your dinner table. regularly. Keeps everyone in touch and helps maintain awareness of everyone’s needs. (time zone issues need to be considered and meal times might need adjusting but for my friend there is only one hour of time change for that family involved so dinner was move 1/2 hour.)
And it will still be hard.
When the anxiety hits, list on paper or machine what worries you; take a 5 min walk by your self and look at the houses around you, flowers and birds. Try meditation lessons on line.stop the whirlpool effect by firmly putting your feet down literally and getting into this minute not any future minute. Because, for most of us, this minute is ok and the future is unknowable…….AND, STAY AS SOCIAL DISTANCED AS YOU CAN!!! WORK AT IT.
Get up at normal time each day and get dressed like normal. No pjs 4-7 days in a row without baths. Hopefully by next week the panic buying will come under control. Grocery stores will continue to set limits and things will sort of normalize to the new world.
With luck and discipline lots of people will not know or be a victim that would have died without large scale participation in this shutdown. (focus on 80% above! Then raise that number … over 99% all ages is the target.)
Please keep in touch. The outreach helps me and others so very much.
You and your reader/commentators are wonderful.
Yeah. Looks 100% certain schools will not reopen before summer. I’m off work on leave right now bc this is my kids’’ spring break. I’m a government employee and we are now working remotely (essential function) but I don’t know how I’m going to do my job and facilitate distance learning. My oldest needs a lot of guidance so I can’t just let them loose on their iPads for 6 hours a day. My husband’s work has unfortunately been deemed essential by my local county order (unclear in state order), so he either risks his life (can’t work remotely) or quit with no unemployment. He’s not stupid but the few times I’ve been out of town and he has handled homework, it…hasn’t gone well. So although it would be great if he could do the homeschooling (but no paycheck), I really don’t think that would go well. Right now the kids are watching tons of TV and I’m practically paralyzed, so making meals and running the dishwasher is all I’m capable of (at least we’ve been taking walks).
So very uncertain right now. This is on top of being scared of dying, overrun hospitals etc. My husband is very sick right now (so home, yay) but no fever or recent international travel (and not an NBA player or celebrity) = no covid19 test.
And we have been saving so much towards retirement (max allowable amount each year) and college and I’m sure (afraid to look) our accounts are 50% or less of what they were. We could have been blowing thru this money on a bigger house eating out etc. and been in the same position. Poof.
Thankfully we have enough food tp etc. for a few weeks and an emergency fund to weather the storm.