The good, the bad and the bearded

As I always seem to need to start posts these days, I’m still here. And I’m still struggling.

TLDR: There is good and bad these days. I’m just so tired that it’s harder to appreciate the good, and it’s harder to slog through the bad. Skip to the end for the bearded. 😉

GOOD. After a week of brutal wind and fog we finally saw some sun this week. On Wednesday it was 72 degrees in the city! Wednesday was a good day.

GOOD. I’ve been feeling really strong and fast when I run. I don’t know exactly what it is, but my regular runs feel so easy, and are over so quickly, that I’ve been adding mileage. I know I haven’t really gotten that much faster, but it’s great to feel so good when I run. I was considering trying to train for something but I think I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing – which is strength videos and martial arts 2-3 times a week and running 1-2 times a week.

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GOOD. My son was able to get into the most recent in person cohort at the dojo so he got to attend martial arts classes in person for three weeks. Now he gets two weeks off in between in person cohorts. He also tested and did really well, which was important because his last test was not a positive experience (he was not prepared).

BAD. I didn’t make it to the dojo this week, because I signed up for the wrong day once and they cancelled the class because too few people were signed up (if I had signed up on the right day it wouldn’t have been cancelled). This was the class I like the best, but didn’t go to when my son was going in person because I couldn’t handle driving to the dojo that many times in one day. I hope I can manage going next week.

BAD. I’m feeling even more isolated from my colleagues now that they are back in person and I’m not. I’m used to being isolated, but it’s still really hard.

GOOD. I am going to campus once a week on Mondays when my parents take my kids. It’s so nice to have an extra day of childcare on top of the two mornings my kid are in school.

GOOD. My kids are both going to school two times a week now (this Thursday and Friday were my daughter’s first days)! It’s amazing how much I get done when I don’t have to manage them, and how nice it is to not have to check their work and help them get it done. I love in person learning! (And they love it too!)

BAD. I wish they were in school more days a week. And I still have no faith in my district returning in person next fall. Only if the state requires it will it happen. Our board continues to act disgracefully and it’s really frustrating to feel like there are no adults in the room when it comes to the education of my kids and their peers.

BAD. The principal at my daughter’s new middle school is leaving. He’s regarded as turning the school around and there is a lot of fear that in his absence all the ground they’ve covered will be lost. (He’s leaving because he lives VERY far away and just had a baby, which is the best possible reason for him to leave.)

GOOD. The AP at the school (who has been there the whole time) is staying and may interview for the principal’s position. We also went to an Earth Day event at the school (that went off without a hitch despite a fair amount of rain last Sunday) and I really liked the vibe there. I’m feeling a lot better about my daughter attending the school, which I really need right now. The school is definitely on the district’s radar (they spent $$$ on a brand new campus in historically under served parted of town and it’s supposed to be their flag ship school for successful integration). It’s nice going to a school the district cares about – it certainly did NOT care about my kids’ current school. At all.)

BAD. I haven’t heard anything from my son’s new school. I know we are coming in at a weird grade but still, it’s frustrating. I need to reach out to them.

GOOD. SF’s Rec and Park program is offering free camps (to SFUSD students) through their Summer Together program. I really hope I can get my kids into one of them.

BAD. It will surely be incredibly difficult to get into any of them.

GOOD. I don’t NEED the coverage, so I’m not stressing too much. We also have some non-camp fun planned this summer. I’m actually looking forward to the summer quite a bit. (Though my husband did inform me that he would “prefer they be in organized activities this summer.” Um yeah… so do I?! When he says things like that I think we are living in two completely different realities.)

BAD. Things between my husband and I are not great right now. Things with him are really not great which means I’m stepping up in all kinds of ways to pick up slack, which I wouldn’t mind as long as it were recognized. Last night, after two weeks of being the only parent to wake up early and get the kids ready (six times total over two weeks), I mentioned that I’d be sleeping in on the weekends to which he responded, “oh it will never feel fair,” which honestly? really irked me. Will it never feel fair because it doesn’t feel fair to him? Does he think he’s doing more? Or does he know I’m doing more and he thinks I should just get used to it? I actually have felt things were fair for a lot of this year, and I told him that. Upon later reflection I realized that if I thought things were fair he certainly perceived them as not being fair – as him doing more than me. It’s like when you try to level the playing field with policies that work to undo white privilege and the people who enjoyed that privilege feel suddenly like things are very unfair. When you’re used to shit being easy, it feels hard when it’s just regular hard. (I wish I cared enough to link to John Scalzi’s essay about how straight white men live life at the the easiest difficulty setting. Okay fine I found it.). I haven’t brought any of this up with my husband again because he’s such a downer right now. Maybe at some point I will ask him to clarify.

GOOD. My husband got a basketball hoop and we managed to put it together last weekend. It’s really nice and the kids really enjoy it, especially our son.

BAD. It took five hours, and was REALLY hard to assemble. I was sore for days afterward. Also our fence is falling down. Again.

BAD. My new schedule is really tiring and it’s harder to find time to rest and shed some stress. The days of uninterrupted work are helping but I’m still spending 9:30pm to 12:30am working most nights, along with about 5-6 hours total over the weekend and a full night on Sunday. I also have to wake up earlier (and my son is waking up a lot in the night), so I’m way more exhausted than I was.

GOOD. I’m not seeing my least favorite class for two weeks because of standardized testing. I am so, so happy to have a break in prepping, teaching, and grading for that class. I’m really hoping these two weeks provide me with the breathing room I need to get through the final four weeks of school that come after it.

GOOD. We only have six more weeks of school, and really it’s five weeks because admin has told us to assume the final four days will be a wash.

BAD. My kids only have four more weeks left and I still don’t know how I’m covering that two weeks where they are done and I am not done. None of the camps start until after I’m out which is… not helpful. Hopefully grandparents can swoop in and save the day.

GOOD. Grandparents! Oh my god grandparents are back in our lives! It’s been almost a month and I still never take it for granted!

And now for the bearded….

Finally, the best news is that we adopted a bearded dragon from a friend. Which may seem weird, but it really was kismet. Some context:

My daughter loves reptiles. She has been wanting a snake for YEARS. Her grandfather, who used to have many snakes, told her she’d have to wait until she was 11 (this didn’t bother me because at the time she was surely NEVER going to be 11!) My daughter turns 11 in early June. She’s also OBSESSED with dragons. Like totally obsessed. She actually really believes in them. (Who knows, maybe they exist and I can’t see it anymore because I’m an old ass adult with no imagination.)

So one day I text my friend and after she responds she adds:

Weird but serious. Would you be interested in taking our dragon? We have to re-home him because of the move.

And I was like for real? Someone is offering us a dragon?! With my daughter’s birthday only weeks away (and I’m starting to stress that I don’t really have anything to get her…)

So I went over and met the bearded dragon. He was awesome and I felt sure I could mange him way better than a snake, especially with my friend to help me when I had questions. She even offered to take him back if it wasn’t working out for us.

A coupld days later she gave us her bearded dragon, and everything for him (they are evidently hard to find and expensive) and we couldn’t be happier. My daughter is thrilled and he provides endless entertainment.

So now Bilbo Baggins, the bearded dragon, is a much welcomed new member of our family.

He is super chill, doesn’t mind being held, and loves being outside. He even takes baths! And sits on drink floaties!

On Wednesday, when it was so warm, we filled our old sand box with water and he LOVED it. Nothing makes me smile quite like this face.

What is the good and bad in your life right now?