On an update on the last two weeks as we’ve moved away from masks for the first time where I live. (This turned out to be a looooong one. You’ve been warned.)
I continue to wear my mask in the classroom. Only a handful of students in each class consistently shows up without a mask. I’m honestly not sure why I am still wearing one. I want to say it is out of habit, or respect for those students who would feel uncomfortable if I were walking around without a mask, but there is more to it than that. And that is OK! I also want to make clear that wearing a mask out of respect for the feelings of my more cautious students would be an absolutely acceptable thing to do, and is probably where I am headed without regret or resentment. The reality is that, in our area, masks are still “strongly recommended” in school settings and, as a teacher in school especially, I generally follow guidelines that are “strongly recommended” so I will probably continue to do that here (I have lots of feelings about what a cop out it is to lift mask mandates but still “strongly recommend” masks, but that is for another post).
I do sometimes take my mask off at the front of the room, when I am trying to convey an important message to my students and I get the feeling that my muffled voice is contributing to their inattention. Or when my voice is just tired of talking through a thick mask. But this only leads to maybe 15 minutes of maskless time in the classroom (over the entire day) when other students are present. I have never had to wear my mask during my prep time and I am thankful for that.
It is interesting to see how other teachers are responding to the relaxed mask messaging. I asked my students if many of their teachers were teaching without masks and they said only one was. I know that the two unvaccinated teachers on our staff immediately took their masks off when the mandate was lifted (and one of them is the teacher my students mentioned). Otherwise I don’t know if any other teachers are teaching without their masks on. Both administrators continue to wear their masks, and I’m curious as to why, because I know they are not personally concerned about the risk to themselves. My guess is that since it’s still “strongly recommended“ they feel it is the right thing to do as leaders. And they are probably right. I’m sure the staff who are concerned about the mask mandate being rolled back are thankful that the admins have kept wearing theirs.
While I am not sure many staff are teaching without their masks, I would say the majority are attending staff events without face coverings. We had a staff meeting on Tuesday afternoon, and those of us still wearing a mask were in the minority. It was interesting to see who was wearing a mask. One woman who just had Covid in January was wearing a mask. A staff member I know has health issues was not wearing a mask. I haven’t really had any conversations with other staff about it.
I am trying to relay this information without judgment, and I hope I am succeeding, because I honestly feel no judgment toward anyone at this point (except the anti-vaxers of course). I think this is a complicated time, and people are receiving mixed messages, and we are all doing our best to navigate it in the ways that make the most sense for each of us. I almost said that “make us most comfortable,’ but I honestly don’t think most people are making these choices based on their own comfort. They are trying to weigh the facts, and consider others, as they make these difficult choices.
I continue to wear a mask in all public spaces that offer essential services. And if I am somewhere else and most people are wearing a mask, I keep my mask on too.
The public space where I feel most comfortable taking off my mask is at the dojo, where they have installed air scrubbers, and have incredible ventilation with windows open and fans blowing. They also require that all adults not only be vaccinated, but boosted. I also feel comfortable that my son is now taking off his mask at the dojo because only vaccinated students (5-12yo) can take off their masks. It is the only place I know of that is instituting a mask-on policy only for the unvaccinated, and I wonder how that is going over for the parents of unvaccinated children. I know that at the public school level, the mask mandate being changed to “strongly recommended” is for all students regardless of vaccination status. And while I selfishly would prefer the unvaccinated remain masked, I understand that as a public health initiative that is not possible in public schools. I’m curious what others think of that actually.
I don’t know what the right answer is for me personally or for our community at large. And again I will reiterate that I am thankful it is not my job to make those decisions.
I will also admit that I’m writing this post partly as a response to another post that disparaged “mommy bloggers (and their commenters)” who complain about children wanting to wear masks at school and/or wear masks outside. The rant ended with the declaration that “these (upper-middle class White) women,” are on a mission to shame healthy people for wearing masks because they are “over covid” and they and their families are healthy and/or already had covid and it was fine, and that they are “unbelievably selfish.”
I will admit that when I read the paragraph I assumed she was referring, at least in part, to me and this post (and its comment section). Except I never actually expressed those sentiments, and she didn’t mention masks being used to manage social anxiety or students being harassed for taking their masks off outside, which were incidents that I mentioned in my post. Having said that, those topics were mentioned in some capacity either in my post or comment section. So I do think it’s possible that her post was at least in part a reaction to mine. I also recognize that I might be incredibly self-centered to believe that it’s about me! Maybe it seems like she was unwilling to write a nuanced response because she is not reacting to my post at all! (In my defense, this blogger has absolutely published entire diatribes that were clearly in response to something that I wrote, so it doesn’t feel like I’m being totally unreasonable here.)
I bring it up because I’m really struggling with people responding to uncertainty about how to handle the current murky public health messaging with “how uncaring and selfish you are.” These responses seem to cast people who are willing to embrace new (in their area) public health guidelines as the cause of those new public health guidelines, or at the very least selfish and uncaring for following them. How should those of us who have real concerns and uncertainty about this next phase of the pandemic react when our uncertainty is responded to this way?
I know I should probably just stop reading this person, but I do like to expose myself to different points of view, and I do know that she will continue to advocate for more restrictive responses to the uncertainties of the pandemic, which is not the point of view I read in most other places these days. But maybe if I take what she says personally, I can’t really get anything beneficial from her writing so I should just stop.
But even if I stop reading there, I’ll still come across the sentiment elsewhere.
One thing that’s frustrating is, I feel like these people never articulate what the end game is. There is a very good chance that the low total-vaccination rates in this country mean we’ll never get to a place where community spread is low enough to ensure the health of the most vulnerable. Is it really fair to shame the people who have respectfully followed the most restrictive public health guidelines consistently, when you don’t agree with how those public health guidelines have changed?
{I guess if you have been masking in places where masks were not required you would want other people to do that even though their mask mandates are just now dropping, so maybe that is where the disconnect happens. I think it’s hard for those of us who have been in places where masks have been required since “Day 1,” to understand the mindset of people who have been wearing masks despite public health guidelines in their area not requiring them for over a year.}
It’s discouraging to know that others are more willing to judge people than participate in a meaningful dialogue with them. But maybe meaningful dialogues can’t happen between two bloggers when other people’s comments end up factoring into the conversation.
{I have tried to comment on posts of hers before that are clearly in response to my posts, and she hasn’t responded to me in the comment section, even though she does respond to many other comments there.}
But I’m curious what you all think? When I say I’m not sure what to do, or express concern that my community is not ready to take the next steps to resume a semblance of normal life, am I really saying that I am over Covid and am unwilling to make sacrifices for the young who are unable to get vaccinated, the immunocompromised, and those just generally fearful of Covid? Even if I don’t say it directly, am I implying that?
I honestly don’t think that I feel that way deep down. And I don’t think I would imply it without having that deep-seated belief somewhere. I honestly don’t feel “over Covid“ and I don’t feel like I know what the right answer is. I read plenty of articles that lay out the reasons why those of us who are vaccinated and boosted can return to “normal life” and those articles seem convincing. I also read articles arguing the opposite and those articles seem convincing. I don’t know what the right answer is and I’m tired of not being more sure of myself in the face of so much conflicting information (as I mentioned here)!
And I don’t feel like I want one of the answers to be correct, which would lead me to give more credence to arguments declaring that answer to be correct. But maybe I am just kidding myself. Maybe the part of me that just wants to be done with this, because of course we all do at some level, is subconsciously directing my thoughts and comments in that direction.
{This Atlantic article, which I saw after I wrote this, would suggest that I’m not the only one who is unsure of what our pandemic future should look like.}
All this to say, this is hard and I’m tired and putting one’s thoughts and feelings out into the world is messy business. I’m not always sure I’m doing it right, or that I should even keep doing it. I don’t know what the right answers are and I’m sorry if my point of view is dismissive or belittling to others (which I’m sure it can be).
This is ultimately about me figuring out how to manage people’s judgement, both real and perceived. I am definitely more likely to perceive other people’s judgement when I’m unsure of what to do. I also think I’m more sensitive to perceived judgment when my actions could possibly affect others’ health, and the guidelines and advice from experts and officials are so disparate. When it comes to the pandemic though, I suppose I need to consult with my husband, and my friends in health care whose opinions I trust, and make the best decisions I can for myself and my family.
And if other people are going to imply that I’m uncaring and selfish, but refuse to engage me directly, I need to determine if I agree with their assessment. If I do agree, I need to change my behavior, and if I don’t, I need to just brush myself off and move on.
I hope I was not being referred to, as I would not consider myself a disparager of others’ choices in either direction. I have no problem with anyone who chooses to send kids to school in masks; I am just choosing not to do that (as are most of the families in my area). I also have no problem personally wearing a mask if it makes someone else more comfortable in a given setting. (And i am assuming I will be masking at work possibly forever which is fine!).
However, who knows.
Who knows who she is referring to. She never links to post when she writes stuff like this. And the fact that commenters are factored in make it even harder to figure out. I specifically stated in my post that I was still wearing my mask at work, but others in the comments mentioned that they were not wearing masks anymore. So it could still be about my post and its comment section. The fact that she mentions the outside thing, and I specifically mentioned kids being called “contagious” at my son’s school when they took off their masks outside, which prompted comments about how wearing masks outside it totally unnecessary (rightly so in that context!) It feels sometimes like people are looking to cast decisions in black or white when the reality is so much more complicated. That is part of what frustrates me.
This is such a complicated topic. I feel like where I live – in a little province in Eastern Canada – it’s not very polarizing. But…our mask mandate dropped Monday, but most places are still requiring it (the university where I work has extended it to the end of April + public schools are keeping masks).
I will admit I find it hard to know what to do. I feel comfortable taking my mask off in public spaces – say, a grocery store – but almost everyone is still wearing masks. Is it a case of “chicken” – who will remove their mask first? Or is everyone legitimately wanting to still use masks?
So, at this point, the mask mandate coming off hasn’t really changed what anyone here is doing (I will also note that the vaccination rate over 12 is at something like 88-95% in surrounding communities!)
I, for one, really appreciate your voice on this saying: Hello world. This is complicated and we all need to show up for each other with heaps of grace.
I’m sorry you’re navigating this. COVID continues to have all these ripple impacts on our relationships and mental health and it’s so…frustrating. You sound like you’re approaching this in a very measured way – unfortunately there are just so many different views it can be hard to figure out a way to move forward confidently.
It really can feel like a game of chicken. And I think part of that is people wanting to meet other people where they are (mask-comfort-level-wise) and part of it is people legitimately not knowing what to do. When the mask requirement stopped at the dojo (which was a week or two before elsewhere because we are a “consistent group of vaccinated individuals) we all wore masks for at least a week. Then about half weren’t wearing masks the next week and now almost no one does. It took some time for us to stop wearing them, I think for a number of reasons.
I am curious how you feel about other areas that don’t wear masks? Are you of the “they are selfish” opinion? We also followed all the public health mandates but ours ended so long ago, I can’t even remember when it was. I do know it was sometime last summer because my kids were not required to wear masks when the school year started in August.
Oh, that is a really good question. And I do not have a good, clear answer. Let me think about it more and I will attempt a reply.
The Atlantic article was illuminating. I have gotten frustrated with reporting on public opinion on COVID restrictions that draws conclusions from vaguely worded polls. Even questions about how worried one is about COVID. I am not particularly worried that I would get sick from COVID. But I am worried about the isolation consequences that follow from it. So would I say I am very worried? I am also worried we might pass it to our older nanny who is boosted but still an older adult. Point is, tough to draw conclusions from these polls.
So interesting that everyone is masked. Maybe everyone at my kids’ private school is extremely selfish because within a few days, most masks came off, including the teachers’. It took a few days though. And these are people who for the most part, didn’t do indoor play dates until very recently. In other words, we were all following the restrictions and were supportive of the school’s protocols.
I’m also with you on the end game. What is the end game?!?
Is the messaging at your kids’ school that masks are still “strongly recommended”? The more I think about it, the more I can’t see myself taking mine off when the district is telling families that they are strongly recommended. If I stop wearing mine, I’m going against the recommendation of my district. I’m really not sure what to do.
My daughter said it’s the same at her school, the vast majority of students and all of her teachers are still wearing masks. The wording there is also that they are not mandatory but strongly recommended.
No that’s a very good point. The wording was more celebratory.
Probably about ten percent of kids are still masked. I don’t think anyone gives them a hard time. The middle schoolers are more likely to wear them than younger kids I think.
We live in the Bay Area on the Peninsula. My son goes to a K-5 there. Masks are still strongly encouraged at his school when indoors. All staff in our district must be vaccinated. My son said that most everyone still wears masks indoors. Of the 25 kids in his class only 5 including him are vaccinated. The other children are not. Which seems quite a low rate to me.
I feel the same as you. Should we or shouldn’t we?
I tell my son to wear his mask out of respect for the teachers. 45 percent of them have children of their own under the age of 5. And they are wearing their masks so he should too.
And that is what I do. If I am with someone who is masking, even if we are outside, I put mine on, and if I am with someone who is not and I feel comfortable I don’t wear mine.
I do wear mine in public places. But if I forget my mask when I get to the grocery store, I dont go back and get it. I just go in maskless. That happened one time and I gotta say what a great feeling to be maskless in the grocery store! But that was only because I forgot mine. 75 percent of the shoppers were wearing masks, especially seniors. So out of respect for those I always wear mine.
This was a good post. I like hearing what others are doing and feeling.
I dont think I read this one blogger you are talking about. Maybe that is a good thing
Do you mind specifying where on the peninsula your child goes to school? I teach on the peninsula and I’m curious where teachers have to be vaccinated. I don’t think our staff is required to be vaccinated, though I wish we were.
We have been very clear in our messaging to our kids that we need to meet others where they are on masking. Especially right now while the messaging is so murky and the mandates are only just being rolled back (and sometimes with seemingly contradictory footnotes).
I also wear a mask outside if someone that I’m with is, but that happens less and lately. Most of our social group is not wearing a mask outside anymore, which I think is a step in the right direction, especially here where it’s almost always windy.
San Mateo. And the only reason I say all staff is vaccinated is that, the school has told me that nobody can enter campus unless vaccinated, including parents, volunteers etc. I needed to have a meeting with the teacher and principal and I was told if I was not vaccinated it would have to be virtual. Also our class did not have enough parent volunteers for a field trip as you had to be vaccinated to go and a lot were not. Probably if staff has a medical reason they can have an exemption
This is so strongly dependent on geography and lifestyle. I have kids too young to be vaccinated who are still required to wear masks at preschool. Where I am (NYC) masks are still required for everyone in many places and almost everyone wears them indoors even when not required. In fact, lots of people wear them outside. It is socially unacceptable to be indoors for any length of time in anything but a KN95 mask. I feel like every time one restriction relaxes, another one strengthens, and I don’t know what the end game is, and I’m so worried about my two year old who cries when she sees an unmasked face.
I thought the indoor mask mandate had been lifted in NYC (in schools and generally?) Did I misunderstand that? Ours lifted for most (maybe all) indoor spaces but the vast majority of people wear a mask indoors here (not necessarily a kn95 – many people wear the cloth masks inside which is essentially COVID theater at this point). It definitely seems like it’s going to take a long time to stop using these mitigation measures, and maybe with the BA.2 variant about to make a move, that is for the best, at least right now. But I really don’t know what the end game is. It might never come in the ways we want it to.
I managed to find the blog post you referenced. It made me think that perhaps I have been too glib in my comments about my attitude toward mask wearers. Honestly, people should do whatever they are comfortable with. I just find it perplexing that someone would wear one outdoors given what we know about outdoor transmission. For so long I WAS THE CAREFUL ONE. I remember dining outdoors in fall 2020, and my husband and I stopped eating and put on a mask every time a waiter got within 10 feet of us. We were the only ones at the restaurant who did that. We rarely did dining out at all, even outdoors, and when we did, we never went with another family. We put off indoor dining for so long. We didn’t travel anywhere when it seemed like everyone was going somewhere. My kids had their first indoor, maskless playdates in two years two weeks ago. So I guess I feel like I have earned the right to be glib and cavalier about masking when I was so, so, so careful for so long.
I also think that my very strict adherence to so many restrictions (without complaint) makes me VERY SENSITIVE to people implying I am uncaring or selfish at this point. That is definitely part of my response to this.
I feel exactly the same way. And frankly I can live with wearing a mask myself, it’s my kids I want to get a break. If there’s another surge fine, we will go back. But right now in our incredibly highly vaccinated area with very low case rates I want my kids to have this break. We still aren’t really eating indoors or doing lots of risky stuff but I feel strongly about this.
I know the post you are referring to – I just saw it as a general complaint about people being jerks about other peoples’ choice to keep their masks on.
Like most, I have complicated feelings about masks. I prefer to avoid risks and so, for me, wearing a mask just means making the risks a little bit lower for myself and for those around me. Or at least having the illusion of a lower risk (if I am the only one wearing a mask, is that really an effective protection?).
My kids’ piano teacher said a thing that at first seemed wild but now it really got stuck in my brain and I keep chewing over it. She said something along the lines that at this point, the fear of the risk of covid is sometimes worse than covid itself, and the long-term effects of this fear may cause a long-lasting damage on our society (especially kids). I am not sure if I agree with her completely, but there is something to the concept that we can’t stop living to our fullest (and enjoying life) just because there is a risk of dying… [And yes, wearing masks does not really stop one from enjoying life, but WORRYING CONSTANTLY about masking and contracting covid – yes, that definitely affects my level of happiness).
Rules in our area are all over the place. Some places require masks while others don’t. I think that for my kids, wearing a mask is becoming i) a way to hide from the world, ii) a way to make a statement about what school “clique” they belong/don’t belong to, and iii) such a huge part of their life that they feel naked without it. Oh, and they also feel less conscious about pimples and imperfect teeth because the mask hides all that.
I guess, in thinking it was directed at me (or in my general direction), I took it a little more personally. I related that my son doesn’t want to take his mask off outside at school because he’s worried he’ll be called “contagious” and that was twisted into me taking issue with kids wearing masks outside (which I don’t take issue with, even if I think it’s unnecessary), and called “unbelievably selfish. At least that is how I took it. I don’t think you can call a group of people “unbelievably selfish” and also say you’re just complaining about people’s mask preferences. But maybe I’m too sensitive (totally plausible).
I also think masks have become what you’re mentioned above for A LOT of kids. And I don’t think we can responsibly just say, “there is still a legitimate pandemic reason to wear masks so ALL reasons kids might be wearing masks (even if they are not contagion related) need not cause concern.” It just feels disingenuous to me. You can believe wearing masks is still a necessary practice right now and also acknowledge the complicated implications of continuing to require kids wear masks. But some people seem to think if you bring up those concerns you’re against wearing masks. Or at least that is how I see it playing out. Maybe I’m misunderstanding.
://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#wastewater-surveillance
Not all counties are doing this but, for me, looking at this information helps in understanding the prevalence of covid near me. I am seeing areas that were blue (low in covid in wastewater) go yellow and now orange (much more covid), other areas are still blue.
BA.2 is increasingly prevalent in this geographic area and more infectious than prior variants. With more people using home testing, county case numbers are under counted, under reported, and generally there is a significant 2 week delay in getting county level case and death rate numbers.
Thank you for writing and sharing. I hope you and your families are and remain healthy and intact.
I like this tracker. Thanks for sharing. It is interesting!
There are a *lot* of white women out there (I’ve seen videos on social media) ranting at or about kids choosing to wear masks. That’s what the post made me think of.
We’re in the Bay and continue to always mask because we have an under 5 and I’m immunocompromised. I don’t care what other people choose as long as they aren’t behaving selfishly: not being honest about being sick to people they’ll be around (I’m still mad at a relative for this exact thing), refusing to wear a mask if they’re going to be around kids too young to be vaccinated, judgmentally harassing anyone for choosing to wear a mask.
I wear a mask outdoors because I know people who, despite all we know about outdoor transmission, still got sick after an outdoor transmission. Sure the odds were low. But my luck in the health department is terrible. Low odds for anyone else aren’t for me. I can only imagine how much more stressed I’d be if masks were optional and I lived in an area where people were actively selfish about COVID, as they do, and case rates were high. I’d be pretty mad at people acting like any masking is stupid too. Well, I don’t need that motivation, I am mad at those people. They’re exhausting and it’s just another version of antivax fervor as far as I can tell.
What are the disease rates like where you are? 2 weeks without masking and ours not only stopped decreasing, they increased more than 50%. Tell me again how it is a reasonable guideline to remove masks?? My youngest child’s teacher (4yo) just got covid AGAIN, I am really unhappy about the no mask policy this week. I have long covid and am not well. Do not wish to have covid again in addition to this. So I would say we should be wearing masks still, based on data.
This is my fear. That cases will rise and people won’t mask again. Im relaxing now fully prepared to mask again when conditions change.
The increase in your area could be related to BA2. In LA cases are still going down even though the indoor mask mandate was lifted a few weeks ago.
We lived in the Bay Area for the first half of the pandemic and moved north near Sacramento in the second half. We strictly masked during all this time. My observation is Bay Area bubble was 98% masking and vaccinated, whereas where I live now is about 50-60%. The school board meetings had been full of angry parents protesting the mandate.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I (both of us are boosted) came to the decision to relax and allow ourselves to enter a public place unmasked. However, we always carry masks with us and if we feel uncomfortable by how crowded the place is, we mask up. We also put on our masks if we see too many people with masks out of respect (There is nothing exact about this, I guess we kind of read the room). I don’t want to make people uncomfortable by being in close proximity to a maskless person (me). We explained our kids (9 and 5th graders, both vaccinated) our decision. They prefer to wear masks to school and in public places and I am totally OK with that of course. 5th grader is the only masked student in her class. 9th grader said usually about half of her class is masked.
I am following the case numbers and I will absolutely go back to wearing a mask if I observe there is an increase in our area.
As for the blogger posts and commenting, I actually follow them. I read the comment you left to their post and I was too, surprised they didn’t respond. I think what they are doing is not too different from vague blogging.