I’m handling pretty much everything really poorly right now. I don’t know what my problem is but my mood is shit and I can’t seem to get out of a negative head space. It was really bad last week and then I got my period and it seemed to get better, but now it’s bad again. It’s like the littlest derivation from my “plan” puts me out of whack and then in a major funk. (To be fair, the air quality crisis has totally destroyed many long-in-the-works plans, including a PTA event last night that was definitely going to raise $600 if not more – which is a lot of money for our school.) But still, people have lost everything. Please have lost their lives. I definitely need some perspective!
I don’t know what is going on but I wish I could figure it out. I feel like I need some QT with a good therapist who can ask me the right questions and then decipher my answers. Left to my own devices I am useless.
But finding a good therapist is hard and then finding the time and money to see one is harder. I’ve had so many therapists that weren’t a good fit over the years, it’s hard to motivate now to look into one.
So I guess I’ll just keep chugging away at life, hoping that the shitty feeling will alleviate. I’m sure it will, eventually.
And maybe I can attempt a little introspection as I wait. Maybe writing for 30 minutes every morning will help me land on something of substance. Maybe I can even find some prompts that will help me uncover that little something that is making my life chafe so bad right now.
I think a lot of it is the air quality. It was bad last weekend in LA and we were stuck inside and couldn’t even walk two blocks to get coffee. It was a tough weekend. So over a week of terrible air is really really hard. And yes people have lost their lives and it’s great you are safe but you are still affected. It would be strange if you were happy that you were spared and so many people suffered! And it is probably making you depressed about how terrible everything in the world is right now.
The air is part of it. The fires beyond smoke, the political chaos…. and it all feeds the depression, compulsive side of your shadow making it hard 4 u to reach the joyous, loving, accomplishing, sunny side of you. This could mean u r on a med that isn’t right for u. Talk to doc u like best, who hears u, about possible med correction.
U r a wonderful gift to our world, thank you.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I have gone through periods like what you describe, and they just suck. I hope things feel better soon.