My husband is struggling mightily with this situation. Because his job involves counseling business owners who are trying to decide if they should take out loans or shut down, he understands the gravity of the economic collapse we’re facing better than most. He was keenly aware of how bad everything was going when most of us were still parroting “but the flu kills tens of thousands of people every year too!” I’ve never seen him so visibly affected by events outside of his control.
He’s also really busy. Just like me. And after a day of juggling work and our kids, we’re both exhausted. The connection between us feels tenuous, fading every day.
We’re also not sleeping together. In an attempt to keep the possible bed bugs downstairs, we moved the bed down there, but only one of us is sleeping on it. My husband is downstairs where he can keep the bedding from hitting the floor (an important bed bug precaution) and I am upstairs, thrashing around on the couch bed. We’ve been sleeping apart for 10 days. I have to admit, I don’t miss his snoring, and we’d probably be going to bed at different times anyway (I’m letting my night-owl side play a little while I can sleep in), so I don’t think it’s necessarily contributing to the distance, but it can’t be helping.
We’re trying to connect during the moments we have together, but it’s hard. And there obviously won’t be any date nights happening any time soon.
People joke that a lot of babies will be born in December, but I wonder how many divorce papers will be served. This isn’t an easy situation for most couples. And the struggle will continue for a long, long time.
Try being quarantine pregnant with three little kids and your husband who isn’t working from home. Divorce has already been threatened here and we aren’t even 1/2 way through it yet! It is hard to be working, doing all the housework and caring/schooling with no assistance all the while watching someone else hang out, drink excessively and nap whenever they want too!
He sounds under terrific pressure and like a person who isn’t adrenaline fueled by such situations. My adult children are similar and also dealing in terrible work chaos and with close workers/friends in Italy and Spain and New York. And also medical people in those areas. It is very hard.
Remembering the importance of physical touch might help. Even briefly touching. But regularly. And while 1 person may feel they are the only one giving touch know when you touch someone you are in contact with them as well and the person touched may find the strength to carry on, allowing a future.
Yes, divorce may come out of this for some. Domestic violence is upswinging too. And Agoraphobia will rise. I wonder if there will be a new word Groceryphobia too.
I have no idea but would texting one picture a day of good times from the past help as a reminder? And, then I remember how few pictures of just normal mudane good times most of us take.
I am so sorry for all couples who are facing connection troubles or just different reactions to this crises; adding childcare and home maintenace must make it all so much harder.
I identify with this. This situation isn’t bringing me and my husband any closer, that’s for sure.
I suspect you’re right about a lot of divorces being filed. . . and I also suspect that if there are pregnancies resulting from this situation, the children born will be mostly firstborn children. HA!
My husband and I always sleep apart, due to different schedules and his insomnia, but like you, I am feeling the absence of date nights and time away from our sons. Most of our conversations have become about managing the logistics of this situation, as we both continue to work full-time and have our sons home now 24/7. Almost feels like we are back in the phase we were in for the first couple of years with twins!