Today my son is testing for the third stripe on his blue belt. We have been working really hard at home to learn the form, and we have been going to extra classes to prepare for other parts of the test. It’s been a lot of work and a lot of time and a fair amount of stress. It has complicated my schedule and made me tired and at times irritable.
When he gets his third stripe today he will be so proud. And so will I. He has really come into his own at the dojo, where he feels capable and confident doing really high level martial arts. The investment of time (and money!) is absolutely worth it. And yet, it also causes stress and makes our schedule busier.
This fall I rediscovered my own martial arts practice, after stepping away for much of the pandemic. I plan to test in early December, which means I have to go to a lot of extra classes in November. It’s not an ideal time to take on extra stress, but two other students at my level are testing in December and I’d rather take on the prep in November than push it back and test by myself. It definitely creates stress and anxiety, and yet I do it because I feel accomplished when I’m done.
There is a lot of talk about saying no to things you don’t have time for, and don’t really want to do. There is a lot of talk about avoiding over scheduled kids and embracing a slower existence, even more so since the pandemic forced us to stop everything for so long.
But what happens when you do want to do it and your life ends up feeling busy and stressful because of it? What happens when your kids want to do two activities each and they care about both and both are ultimately valuable, but the combinations feels untenable? Right now my son is doing martial arts and soccer and my daughter is doing nothing and it feels like so much. When she starts volleyball I don’t know what I’ll do (I think my son will be done with soccer by then… I hope so!)
I struggle with this stuff because I want our lives to feel less hurried and for me to feel less harried. But I also want us to invest in our passions and achieve things that make us a proud. I don’t really understand how to find the balance between the two. Attempting to achieve that balance is a struggle in itself.
No answers at the end of this, just wanted to put it out there. Because today is a stressful Saturday, the culmination of a stressful week, but in the end the stress will feel worth it. And yet, if we’re all doing stressful things that feel worth it, we’re left with a stressful, but meaningful, life. Does meaningful have to equate to stressful? For me the answer feels like yes, but maybe someone will tell me that I’m wrong! Please do!
Yes. I remember when we tried. Found that due to costs, distances, transportation issues and single parenthood while working in an environment with NO flex time, extracurricular activities that did not occur at their schools were not possible. We all understood that.
Your family is quite lucky. Your husband’s job does not sound at all flexible and yours only has late afternoon flexibility IF you put in extra time on weekends or evenings. It is VERY HARD. Extracurricular activities are complex, stressful, and hard on even two working parents.
Doing extracurricular things for two children on weekends on top of everything else that HAD to happen on weekends was totally awful. And then for two years I was in a night MBA program with classes two night a week. It was insane and impossible and yet I graduated with straight A’s….. It was also economically imperative in order to support the three of us. Just all the house work and grocery shopping and normal life that had to be crammed into a weekend was exhausting. I am always amazed at all you have managed to make happen.
Does meaningful have to equal stressful? I am not certain … but i guarantee raising two children was simply super stressful … and I had amazing, helpful, responsible, supportive, teamworking children who are, and have always been, fabulous adults . I still do not know how we made it through. I give them all the credit.
I think you are doing the impossible too.
We’re asking the same questions. So far (my kids are 6 and 4) we’ve only allowed one activity at a time and they have to agree on the activity. Swimming their classes were at the same time and soccer their practice/games were back-to-back (and both were only 1x/week commitments). My daughter is now doing Girl Scouts and my son is taking a break. This level of “extra” feels like all we can manage right now. Next school year they’ll be at the same school and both will be able to participate in martial arts (bus picks them up from the school), so they’re excited about that!