My husband and I talked briefly yesterday about some things, and now I better understand where the sadness and sulkiness is coming from. It’s not that he’s upset he has to be with the kids when I’m away, it’s that he’s bummed out he doesn’t have any reasons to be away himself. He’s lonely and craving meaningful connection and he doesn’t have anywhere to get it.
I know how much that sucks. I used to be the one stuck at home while my husband spent multiple nights a week away working on his podcast or seeing live music with friends. He had fulfilling side projects and other adults to share meaningful experiences with. I had neither. I didn’t have any friends and I didn’t really have any interests I wanted to pursue and honestly if it weren’t for blogging I don’t know how I would have gotten through it. My husband doesn’t even have blogging. So yes, he gets annoyed when he has to step up while I’m away, but mostly he’s frustrated that he doesn’t have any reasons to step away himself. So yes, I can give him time to recharge, but he won’t be getting what he really needs during that time, because he’ll still be lonely and at home.
It sucks, and I wish I could make it better but I can’t. He couldn’t make it better for me back when our situations were reversed, and now I know how hard that is.
There are a lot of reasons he doesn’t have the outlets he needs to be happy. His best friend recently had a baby, and while he’s doing more socially than most people with a six month old (especially during a pandemic!), he doesn’t have a lot of time for my husband. The podcast ended long before the pandemic, but his participation in the non-profit he founded ended right before, and he’s still getting used to that being gone. He doesn’t feel he can see live music, or be out socially in most situations, until our kids are fully vaccinated, so hopefully he’ll start doing those things after the holidays. But many of his friends have moved away, and it will probably take a while for those outings to happen in the ways he wants them too. I even think he’s missing more about his past work life than he realizes, and being back in the office two times a week is not really providing the connection he’s used to for a number of reasons that probably won’t resolve any time soon.
It sucks to know I can’t help my husband be happier right now, but I’m so glad I better understand where he is coming from. Yes, he may be frustrated that I’m gone a lot preparing for my martial arts test, but really he’s upset that he doesn’t have a reason to leave the house himself. I’m especially glad I know what’s really wrong because now I’ll know why he isn’t appreciably better when I come back to the city on Saturday – because just getting a break from all of us is only a small part of what he needs. Unless he gets to see someone else on Friday night (highly unlikely), he’s still going to be super lonely. Maybe even more so with all of us gone (probably not though – he really does need a break from all of us).
I really hope he gets some relief soon. It’s hard to be where he is. It’s hard not to be able to help too.
Tough for husband. Glad he shared so youcould understand. Very hard situation for most people.
Oh, that’s so hard! I wish though that my husband missed those things. He honestly is completely happy being home, and in many ways the pandemic was made for him. Now he has a great reason NOT to go out. We’ve even had our boosters and he’s still…hesitant. The downside however is I’m social, I need people and he is convinced everytime I see anyone I’m going to bring covid home to him. But after a year and a half of avoiding people I’m SO over it!